Accidents
by Jeass jess Mabey
Summary: “The whole time I was flying they were moving around like Bludgers honestly they're gonna knock someone out and they keep getting in the way. I swear they’re about as big as quaffles!” Ron indciated his chest. RWHG switch bodies
1. Ron's Eye Candy

Disclamer- If anyone is delusional enough to not know that I did not create the Character they better get their brain cheeked out (and bring my a lollypop back form the doctors office if they have them).

**Chapter 1**

**In Which the Head Girl is Very Thick**

**Or**

**Ron's Eye Candy**

Hermione rushed towards Harry and Ron, flinging her arms around them both and pulling them tight, for being so small, the two boys were trapped in her grip, until she let them go.

"I missed you two so much! You wont believe what I learned in my advanced charms class that I took over the summer!" Hermione said.

"Hermione I don't see how you can stand going to school in the summer, I still haven't finished all my summer work," Ron said.

"I don't see how you were made prefect with that attitude," Hermione said.

"Come on the train is about to leave," Harry said, pulling Ron and Hermione towards the train. They all stuffed their belongings into a compartment before Hermione announced that she had to change and then get to head girl duties. Ron, being a prefect, left Harry soon after the train pulled away from the station.

-------------------

Hermione continued with her head girl speech to all the prefects, "We need to set a good example for the younger students, and…" Ron of course did not hear any of this or for that matter, much of the speech at all. He was playing with the hem of his robe and watching Hermione nonchalantly. When Hermione finished, she took out her wand and conjured a list, which Ron thought might be their train shifts, but he was not all together sure. Ginny prodded Ron in the side.

"Ouch, what was that for?"

"Its impolite to stare," She whispered.

"What are you talking about?"

"You haven't blinked for the last 3 minutes, all you have been doing is looking at Hermione!"

"I thought it wasn't nice to stare!"

"It isn't!"

"Then why where you staring at me?"

"Huh?"

"You said I hadn't blinked for 3 minutes, so you must have been staring for 3 minutes."

"Boys are hopeless," Ginny said as she got up and moved across to where Hermione was sitting. Ginny waited until Hermione had stopped talking to the head boy, Terry Boot, before starting a conversation with Hermione.

"Hermione, Ron fancies you."

"What are you talking about he is my best mate."

"Are you blind?"

"No, Why would I be?"

"God you and Ron both."

"What I don't think Ron is blind, although a bit dim at times. What were you on about again?"

"Ron spent the entire talk looking at you."

"Where else would he be looking, if he were listening to my talk?"

"He wasn't listening to the talk!"

"You just said he was."

"No I didn't, god Hermione sometimes you can be as thick as Ron."

"Hey, what's that suppose to mean?"

"Ron has fancied you for ages!"

"Ginny are you all right? I already told you, he is my best mate."

"Thick as Ron…" she mumbled and left. Ginny may not have been top of her class, but

when it came to social matters (not involving Harry) she was a genius. Ginny realized before Harry, Hermione and even Ron realized that Hermione and Ron had a thing for each other.


	2. Eye Candy Can Be Your Mate Too

Disclaimer- I assume that all of you who didn't know that I only own the plot have gotten you brain checked out now, but I still don't have a lollypop! So I am suing.

Chapter 2

**In Which Ron is Jealous and Hermione is Oblivious**

**Or**

**Eye Candy Can Be Your Mate Too**

"_Thick as Ron…" she mumbled and left. Ginny may not have been top of her class, but_

_when it came to social matters (not involving Harry) she was a genius. Ginny realized before Harry, Hermione and even Ron realized that Hermione and Ron had a thing for each other…_

Ron, Harry and Hermione walked into the Great Hall, for their first time in 7th year. All their eyes automatically flickered to the staff table hoping to find out who this year's defense against the dark arts teacher was. Ron stared angrily at one of the people at the staff table; it was none other than the famous Quidditch player, Victor Krum. Harry's eyes flickered from Krum to Ron and then to Hermione, not a repeat of 4th year please, he thought.

Before anyone else could do a thing, Ron angrily said, his voice slightly cracking, "Hermione, did you know He would be here??" He pointed his finger up at the staff table and it confirmed Harry's fears, it was going to be a repeat of 4th year.

"No Ron," Hermione said, still not completely sure why he was so mad.

Ron opened his mouth to say something, but instead they heard the voice of a blonde boy, Malfoy, "So Hermione, Vicky you lover has returned. What did you have to do to get him here, convince one of the teachers by sleeping with him?" Harry and Ron automatically pulled out their wands, ready to hex Malfoy to oblivion, but Ginny who just came in was quick.

"Oh please, I guess I always over estimated you, your head is full of air, do you honestly think that Krum and Hermione are lovers, she hasn't even seen him in over 2 years. If they were dating, they would have been all over the daily prophet. Come on Hermione sleeping with someone? I would be surprised if she had even kissed someone. Malfoy you are such a git. Come on lets go Dumbledore is about to start his speech, and Ron put that thing away, you are going to poke someone's eyes out," She finished, batting Ron's wand away from the side of her face. Hermione gave her a little smile because she knew that the boys would defend her from Malfoy, but she didn't want them getting detention on the first day. Hermione and Ginny pulled Harry and Ron to the Gryffindor table and Dumbledore began his speech.

"Another great year is about to begin, but before it does, I have some announcements and we have to do the sorting as well. McGonagall please proceed." Just like the last 6 years, timid little wizards and witches in the making, filed in and one by one put the sorting hat on, which would scream out a name and they would flee to their assigned table. When the last boy finished the hat was removed and Dumbledore continued, "We have some new staff that I would like to introduce, first is the lovely Elair who will be teaching defense against the dark arts," a tall, sleek, young, women that looked to be part cat because she had two pointy cat ears poking out of her tangle of long dark hair and a tail that swooshed around under her skirt and stuck out right at the bottom. "The second person I would like to introduce is Victor Krum who is doing a internship with our flying teacher Madame Hooch." Victor Krum stood up and then sat back down. "Also I must remind you that if anyone needs help, just ask one of the prefects. Now let the feast start," he rubbed his hands together and food blossomed on the plates. Ron and Harry began grabbing anything close to them that looked edible. Ron ended up taking a bite out of one of the flowers that was on a plate for decoration and had to spit it out, when his mouth started to feel like it was on fire. Hermione on the other hand was more careful about what she chose.

"Hermione, you have to taste this chicken it is unbelievable," Ron said, his mouth half way full with food.

"Sorry Ron, but I will not promote the taking of a living beings life, it is inhumane."

"Honestly Hermione, why would it taste so good if it were a sin?"

"Fine you go eat some poor little chicken's babies, but I will not." Harry tried hard to hold in his laughter, his too best friends fought about the funniest things sometimes.

As the meal drew to an end, Dumbledore rose again for a final announcement, "First years please follow your prefects and they will take you to your dorms. When the prefects are finished, I would like them to return to the prefects lounge, on the 4th floor for a start of term meeting." People began to filter out of the great hall eager to find their four-poster beds. Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Ginny where followed by the first years as they exited the hall. Krum gently pulled Hermione to the side.

"May I have a word with you?"

"Sure, we can talk while I lead the first years." Krum glanced in Ron's direction.

"Could I talk to you in private?"

"Well I guess on the way back from the Gryffindor tower we could talk, but I am rather busy."

"Can I walk with you?"

"Why not but I really must be going."

------------------

While Hermione and Krum were talking, Ron was watching out the side of his eye and his sister and Harry both caught him watching her, after he ran into one of the benches in the great hall.

"That's the second time today," Ginny said.

"The second what?" Ron answered baffled.

"You were staring at Hermione again."

"Well I don't trust Krum around Hermione."

"Oh please, you're just angry that someone besides you fancies her and he actually has the balls to tell her."

"I don't fancy Hermione! She is my best mate, which would be like me fancying you or Harry. Your mental Ginny, right mental," And Ron stocked off towards the common room. He was so angry with his sister.

Bloody hell, Ron thought. Hermione was his best mate and now he wasn't allowed to be concerned about her when she was going off alone with some older guy she hardly knew. Sure she kind of knew Krum from 2 years ago, but people change. I mean look at Harry after he killed Voldemort the previous year; Harry had never been the same. Hermione was like him having a second younger sister. They were so close that they are either bickering or worrying about the other, but whenever they really need you, you are there. But no, Ginny couldn't understand that could she? And she though I was thick?

Ron stopped walking and realized that he was supposed to have taken the first years up and then gone back to the meeting. So he went towards the prefect lounge, assuming that Hermione would never leave the first years unattended, even if Krum had tried to make her. About half way there, Ron heard the familiar voices of Hermione and Krum, and he couldn't help but wonder what they were saying. Even though he knew it was wrong, he ducked behind a large statue of a man holding a wand, as they approached.

Disclaimer- Ok so my lawyer says suing someone for eating their own lollypop is not a legitimate clam but couldn't you have at least given me the bottom of the lollypop stick. I could have made a fire with them and warmed myself up because it is freezing down here. But then you probably aren't thinking right again because before the doctor told you not to think after you brain surgery. And its probably good seeing a before that you didn't even know that I didn't own anything!


	3. Ron? Sexy?

Disclaimer- Ok so my lawyer says suing someone for eating their own lollypop is not a legitimate clam but couldn't you have at least given me the bottom of the lollypop stick. I could have made a fire with them and warmed myself up because it is freezing down here. But then you probably aren't thinking right again because before the doctor told you not to think after you brain surgery. And its probably good seeing a before that you didn't even know that I didn't own anything!

Chapter 3 

**In Which Hermione Talks Too Much And Discovers a Diary**

**Or**

**Ron? Sexy?**

_Ron heard the familiar voices of Hermione and Krum, and he couldn't help but wonder what they were saying. Even though he knew it was wrong, he ducked behind a large statue of a man holding a wand, as they approached…_

Ron found himself face to face with his sister. They both blinked twice.

"Ginny, what are you doing back here?"

"Ease dropping, just like yourself."

"I am not ease dropping!"

"Then why are you behind this statue?"

"I err… just didn't want to be told off by Hermione for not helping her with the first years," Ron said in a very unsure tone. Ginny knew he was lying.

"Fine lie to me, just shut up, I want to know what they are saying cause Hermione sucks at girl talk, she doesn't give enough juicy details," Ron made a disgusted face at the thought of "juicy details" and was very glad that Hermione never shared any of those things with himself and Harry. The both grew still as two people came around the corner.

--------------------------------

"So, Why didn't you tell me that you where taking an internship in your last letter?"

"I wanted to surprise you."

"Oh."

"So, what do you think?"

"About what?"

"About me being back at Hogwarts."

"Well I wasn't expecting it."

"I still fancy you."

"We haven't seen each other in two years, how do you still know?"

"Well we wrote from time to time and you don't seemed to have changed, except gotten smarter and prettier." From behind the statue Ginny and Ron peered out to see Hermione blushing. Ron felt a little angry, but he didn't really know why.

"Well a lot has happened, I mean Voldemort killed people I really cared about and just so much has gone on. Even now that he is gone for good he is still affecting everyone especially Harry. I am already behind in my classes I mean I only read my charms textbook two times. I am just not that same exact bushy haired 4th year girl you knew."

"So your saying you would say no if I asked you to Hogsmead?" Ron thought, say you would say no, please, Krum is below you.

Whether Hermione fancied Krum no one knew (not even Hermione), but she replied with a cunning answer, "You are my teacher, it just wouldn't be proper, although it isn't written in the rules. (Which of course Hermione knew by heart) I think that the Dumbledore and the rest of the higher authority in the castle would not be pleased about it."

"You're probably right, but we could date in secret." Ron was repulsed, this was why he didn't like Hermione being alone with Krum; he wanted her to lie and was trying to push her into dating him. Ron fought the ideas of giving Krum a bloody nose.

"Krum you really don't know me. I don't do things behind my friends back, and if Ron knew the whole school would know." Ron thought, hey, what's that suppose to mean?

"Well tell me if you change your mind." Hermione nodded.

--------------------

When Hermione went around the corner Ginny turned to Ron, "See Ron, she fancies you she just turned down Krum."

Ron stood up frustrated and began to walk away, angrily he said, "Hermione turned him down cause she is smart, not because she fancies me. Why don't you understand? Your so bloody arrogant!"

Ron had calmed down a bit by the time he found his way to the prefect lounge, however, he was still muttering under his breathe about Ginny. Indeed today had been a bad day; the only redeeming fact was seeing Hermione again, because he was her best friend of course. Harry spent the summer at the burrow after declaring that he was moving out of the Dursleys' after halfway through the summer. Ron sat down in an armchair next to Hermione, and a few seconds later a grinning Ginny sat a few seats away from them with Luna. The two girls were chatting with a Ravenclaw about a peculiar plant that she had received from Neville for her birthday over the summer. Dumbledore entered the room in emerald green robes.

He cleared the voice and everyone grew quiet. Hermione watched contently, quill posed to take notes, "This year the prefect program has been modified, along with your regular prefect duties, which I am sure were discussed on the train. Everyone will be given individual projects to complete. The projects will be specialized to help each prefect to strengthen in areas they might be struggling in," their was a soft groan from many students, however Hermione was grinning like a maniac. "The projects will be assigned at random times throughout the year, and Hermione you don't need to worry, you will have plenty of time when it is assigned to complete it. Now I am sure you are all very tired so please quickly find your way to your beds."

---------------------------

The prefects drifted off into bed. Hermione found her way to the 7th year's girl's dorm, Parvadie and Lavender were surprisingly still awake. They both were gossiping, while painting their nails matching shades of blue. Hermione changed into a large shirt and a pair of flannel pants that she used as pajamas. As she began to unpack and refold everything she listened to the two girls gossip.

"Lavender did you see Dean staring at that girl in Hufflepuff? It was all to obvious that he's got a thing for her."

"I know I can't believe she didn't catch him watching! I think she has her eye on Seamus though."

"No, I think she thought he was hot last year."

"You might be right, but I thought she caught Seamus snogging that skinny blond 4th year in Slithern."

"Seamus has no taste in girls, she was such a slut."

"He is damn fine though."

"Oh, speaking of fine Ron's hair is getting really sexy, the way it is all shaggy."

Hermione crinkled her nose, she could have sworn that Ron had just become afraid of people giving him haircuts after the twins had tied him up and cut his hair the summer before. After that no one could blame him.

Parvate noticed Hermione's face and exclaimed, "Hermione don't tell me you haven't noticed how hot his hair is! Now that I think of it he kinda has a nice body too, so tall and he is defiantly starting to get built from that Quidditch."

"Well of course he is tall, but sexy?" Hermione said not at all sure she wanted to discuses Ron being sexy, I mean this is Ron.

"Parvate, I don't think Hermione is into the sexy rebellious type. So Hermione do you got your eye on someone?"

"Not really."

"Come on there has to be someone… How about Krum? I saw you two walking together. He is definitely still stuck on you!"

"He is my teacher!"

"So what?!"

"Its just wrong on so many levels."

"Whatever, how about Harry then?"

"Ya, he is kinda cute, but Ron is definitely hotter."

"You too are as crazy as Ginny, they're both my best mates."

"Come on don't tell me you haven't had, had naughty thoughts about them?"

"Naughty thoughts? This is Hermione we are talking about." Hermione finished putting her things away and bid the other two goodnight before shutting the curtains on her four-poster bed. To her surprise she found a blood red bound book. It was her diary that she had started the first day of Hogwarts, of course their where long gaps of time she had not written in due to her loads for homework. She had lost it sometime at the end of last year and apparently one of the house elves had found it. She smiled and opening the book and began to read her own neat curvy artistic writing.


	4. Stop Talking to Inanimate Objects

Default- If I owed the characters and set I would be rich and wouldn't have to ask crazy people to donate lollypop sticks to keep me warm, but I don't.

Chapter 4 

**In Which Hermione Reads The Past**

**Or**

**Stop Talking to Inanimate Objects**

_Hermione finished putting her things away and bid the other two goodnight before shutting the curtains on her four-poster bed. To her surprise she found a blood red bound book. It was her diary that she had started the first day of Hogwarts, of course their where long gaps of time she had not written in due to her loads for homework. She had lost it sometime at the end of last year and apparently one of the house elves had found it. She smiled and opening the book and began to read her own neat curvy artistic writing…_

Hermione looked at her first entry, it was from her first day of Hogwarts.

_Dear diary,_

_Today was my first day at Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry. The school its self is amazing, a huge castle on a lake, so big, I don't think I will ever find my classes. In the great hall, the ceiling mimics the sky outside it is so well… magical. There is this forest next to the school, but we aren't supposed to go in it. There is no electricity, which is definitely going to take some getting use to; all the light comes from candle. Some of the candles even float! _

_I got into Gryffindor, which makes me really happy, although Ravenclaw wouldn't have been too bad. Most of the Gryffindors seem ok, except this prat Ron. He tried to do magic on the train. It was pretty pathetic. I think, he thinks, I am a know it all. Furthermore he has a rat, of all things for a pet. It's unsanitary. He is friends with Harry Potter, he doesn't seem to bad. Then this is this boy Neville who keeps forgetting things; he lost his toad on the train. I don't see how he ever got into Gryffindor because he seems so timid. There are two girls that always gossip in my room. I don't know how I will ever live, but hopeful I will make friends soon._

_I met the head of our house, McGonagall, she teaches transfiguration. I also met Dumbledore. He is a bit strange, but according to what I have read he is suppose to be amazing. I can't wait for the rest of the classes to start. I am so afraid I will be behind though, not having lived in the magic world before. Oh my, it is getting late. I guess I will talk later because I don't want to be tired for my first class. What kind of an impression would that give teaches? Not a good one at any rate._

_Hermione_

Hermione smiled she remembered that day as if it where yesterday. She really had hated Ron back then, hadn't she? Hermione skipped ahead a few pages; she had written a lot about teaches, classes, and her best mates. Large time gaps where left where she was pretty sure she had not had time to write. She stopped in a page from the end of second year.

_Dear diary,_

_Did you miss me? I sure missed you and everyone for that matter. The basilisk attacked me. I am lucky to have lived and I should really thank that mirror. O gosh! I must be really happy cause I am talking about inanimate objects… I am so happy Ron, Harry and Ginny are all right. I am so glad that Harry found my note, or what would have happened? But anyways now thinking back on the experience of being petrified, I don't remember much, I could kind of feel time go by and I think once, I thought I heard Ron say something soothing, but the rest was like being almost asleep and not being able to think anything. The final banquette was amazing, everyone was in his or her pajamas, which was a bit strange but was just so happy that Riddle was gone, so I didn't really care. I don't think I could have bared having Ron die, or Harry. Oh bother, I would get failing marks if this where a school paper; it is so unorganized. Erg! I guess I better just stop now. It is really hard to write when I am so happy. I better go find Harry and Ron and make them study so they will never pass, not to mention, I need to study too because I have definitely lost a lot of time in the hospital wing. Oh dear, I hope I have enough time to learn everything I missed._

_Hermione_

Hermione smiled and cringed at the same time, she really must have been happy to have made this writing one long paragraph. She looked over at her clock and noticed the time it was getting pretty late. She decided to read one more random page before adding an entry and going to sleep. She closed her eyes and flipped through the pages then opened on a page, that saw partway through 4th year.

_Dear Diary,_

_Ron really is a horrible prat. I always knew he was dull, but to not think I was a girl. That was an all-time low. Does Ron really think that I couldn't get a date to the ball? Well I guess I showed him, that git, two ppl asked me before he asked me. I can't believe I even considered him a friend! All he does is pity himself. He can't even get a date to a Ball, well maybe he can, but he just always wants to date the pretty girls. I just can't see it. Like the veela, whatever, her name is. He is really vain. Always worried about whether he would look like an idiot going to the ball without a partner. _

_Why am I even crying because of him? Oh something in the back of my mind says, duh because you were best mates for the last three years and yet when it comes to thinking of girls, you aren't even mentioned. Not that I would ever want my best mate to fancy me, especially if he is a prat like Ron! But does every boy think like him, "oh, there is Hermione, she does not have straight blond hair or wear make-up so she is not worth my time." Can't they ever look on the inside? No one should care if I can't get a brush through my hair. From now on I might as well not even try to look remotely like a girl and if some fancies me, then I will know its because it is the really me. Oh bother, like that will ever happen. Everyone always thinks that I am such a stuck up know it all. Why can't they see that I am just a hard worker?_

_Gosh, I am just blotching up this page. I would be surprised if anyone could ever read it now, not that it really maters, all they need to know is Ron is such a bloody prat. Oh bother, Parvadi and Lavender just came up. I better pretend I am asleep. I don't think I will ever talk to Ron again, whether to talk to Harry or not is still undecided. Err that scything git!_

_Hermione_

Hermione was a bit surprised that it had flipped to this particular pager. Ever since she had written this page she had decided not to spend excessive time on looks, unless it was a special occasion. Hermione was very glad that Hogwarts had not had a ball or dance since the Yule Ball because she definitely didn't like getting in rows with her best mates over who she would go to it with. Hermione turned to a clean sheet of paper and pulled a bottle of ink and quill towards her and began writing:

_Dear Diary,_

_Lucky thing you came back to me. I would hate for someone to find you. That would be bad. Well today's my first day of 7th year and I am head girl, like you may have guessed. Ron somehow was made a prefect again, reasons still unknown. Dumbledore is making all the prefects do special projects. I can't wait to see what mine is. It will be such a learning experience. Ginny is a prefect again. Poor Harry isn't one, but he is Quidditch captain, which I am, sure, makes him very happy._

_Ginny is being a whole lot less sensible than usual. She thinks that Ron fancies me, which would never happen, cause he is my best mate and he keeps forgetting that I am in fact female, quite sad actually because all physical signs point to the fact that I am female. There are two new additions to the staff and one is Krum. What will I do? I am no good with these social things. I don't mind Krum, but I don't think I fancy him anymore. He was kind of nice in 4th year and he is always so sweet in his letters but our relationship never seemed like love. And I still like him as a person, so what should I do? Maybe I will chat with Ginny on it, then again maybe not. _

_The summer was definitely great; Harry finally moved away from that retched family, so he spent most of the summer with Ron and they invited me, but I was at my charms class, which was so enjoyable. Everyone else in the class was at least in their mid 20's except me, but I managed to keep up. _

_Every night I ended up getting tons of mail. Ron must have written every day, and Harry nearly as much, after he got to Ron's house. Every half week or so I got a letter from Krum. Ginny and I wrote a lot too. She begged me to visit because Ron was going all big brother on her since he was now the oldest of the brothers in the house. She had even told me about Ron trying to make her wear a baggy turtleneck in the middle of July because he said her t-shirt was "to reviling." I got a few other letters from people at Hogwarts like Luna, Neville and Hagrid. I felt so sorry for the poor birds, and my mom got so mad at me because she said that my room looked more like an owl petting zoo, rather than a bedroom._

_Wow time has really run away from me? It is extremely late. I better go to sleep. I am still curious how exactly did you get here? There I go again, talking about inanities objects, no offence._

_Hermione_

Hermione put her writing material away and stuffed the diary under her pillow and fell asleep. All night she dreamed good dreams about a certain red hair, blue eyed, mate of hers but in the morning when she awoke she had forgotten entirely about them.

----------------------

Ron, who had gone to bed as soon as he returned from the prefect meeting, went straight to sleep. Ron had dreamt about his brown haired best mate and himself being more than just mates, but was oblivious to it when the sun rose.

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Bhekie- you are officially my favorite reviewer. Tisk tisk tisk Ron is such a sneaky boy. Hope my writing isn't going downhill.

Fanglessphysco- thanks for being my beta, now get your butt off the TV and edit!

fire-icecat- first of all nice pen name. It's my first time writing a fan fic so I am still getting use to it. Sorry about all the spelling and stuff, but don't worry I now have a great beta so hopefully it will increase the quality of the story. Hope you enjoy the rest.

Anonymous reviewers-

someone else- sorry about the misspelling it was late at night, you shall be happy to know I now have a beta.

deby – I am glad people like it!

Me- you're a smart one, my beta reader has really helped! And I defiantly need experience. Thanks for the suggestions.


	5. Hermione Granger the Independent Book,,,

Default- someone (presumable one of those loonies who never read Harry Potter and thought I owned everything instead of J.k Rowling) dumped a load of lollypop sticks on my doorstep so now I have a nice fire too keep myself warm.

**Chapter 5 **

**In Which Krum Causes a Row**

**Or**

**Hermione Granger the Independent Book Hermit**

_Ron, who had gone to bed as soon as he returned from the prefect meeting, went straight to sleep. Ron had dreamt about his brown haired best mate and himself being more than just mates, but was oblivious to it when the sun rose…_

Before anyone knew it Harry, Ron and Hermione found themselves in their third week of Hogwarts. The teachers had been relentlessly giving homework, and Snape had already given Harry three detentions for "disrespecting" his superiors. The new teacher Elair was fairly good, although she was definitely bested by Lupin. The trio was surprised that everything had gone by so fast.

At about 8 o'clock Ron and Harry walked into the library in search of Hermione. They had just returned from Quidditch tryouts, Harry, the caption, was not sure what to do with the Gryffindor team, it had gone downhill since the twins had left and now they needed to look for a new chaser. Ron and Harry found Hermione in the back of the library at a table scatered with books, parchment and quills.

"Hermione what are you doing here? It's Friday. We have the whole weekend to do homework," Ron said.

"Exactly! I only have two days to write a three-foot essay for potions, a foot and a half for history of magic, making a star chart, and practicing for transfigurations and charms. Oh and there is a prefects meeting, and bother I have to tutor two first years," Hermione said.

"Hermione come on look at Ron, he is doing the same things as you, minus the tutoring bit and he has Quidditch and an extra 2 feet on his essay for falling asleep in potions."

"Harry you know that is was cause of that ruddy sleeping potion we where brewing and you were the one who said it looked like jell-o."

"Falling asleep in Snape's class is sure death. You were lucky you only came out with only an extra 2 feet."

"Well Ron should have been paying attention, I herd a rumor that sleeping potions were going to be on the NEWTS this year."

"The NEWTS are months away!"

"Well you both better start studying. They will determine our future."

"Oh bloody hell, Hermione. You sound like McGonagall," Ron said.

"Keep it down Ron. This is a library and stop cursing it's improper."

"Ok, ok. Can we go somewhere else?"

"Fine, but you two have to help me with my books," Hermione said gathering together her books. She gave a large stack to Harry and Ron and had an equally large stack for herself.

"Hermione I thought they had a limit on how many books you could check out of the library," Ron groaned, trying to carry the books more comfortable.

"Dumbledore gave me a special exception because I am Head Girl."

"You are really abusing you privileges Hermione, before you know it you will have checked out the whole library!"

"Well it would be nice to have my own library in my dorm," Hermione joked, Ron and Harry laughed. They finally made their way to the common room and Hermione brought her books to her room and bounded back down the stairs almost running into Ginny on her way down. When she made her way back downstairs she found Ron and Harry in a corner. Ron had his wizard's chest, and Harry was deep into a book labeled Quidditch Captions of the Middle Ages.

"Hermione, Come play chess!" Ron said, a big grin plastered upon his face. In his opinion there was nothing better than seeing Hermione lose against him in chess, because frankly it was the only time he ever won against Hermione.

"No, you only want me to play because you will win."

"Please Hermione, I know you want to, and I will even go easy on you," Ron said playfully giving Hermione puppy dog eyes, which sent Harry rolling off the couch laughing.

"Fine, but I don't see what satisfaction you get playing against me, its not even a challenge," Hermione finally agreed as she plunked down in a large red armchair and Ron set up the pieces.

---------------------

When Ginny came down she noticed the trio at the far side of the room, not having seen them for a while, she walked over to them. Harry moved his feet from the far side of the couch so Ginny could sit down, giving Ginny a little butterfly in the tummy. She couldn't help herself there was just something about Harry that made her fancy him. She of course had tried to get rid of the crush because Harry had no interest in her and it had worked for a little while, but now it was back. She turned her attention to the chess game where Ron was creaming Hermione. Hermione was deep in concentration, and it seemed that she was mentally trying to use some math system to calculate the next moves. Ron was staring at Hermione watching her every expression and move.

Hermione finally moved her last knight, and said, "Your turn."

He quickly took his queen moving it, "Checkmate! Ha! Take that, I win!" he said getting up and doing a small victory dance. Ginny and Harry began to laugh and Ron's ears began turning red. " Hey. Its not funny," he pouted.

Hermione began laughing as well and said, "Well its not every day you see a full grown 17 year old dancing around the common room, it is quite a feat."

"Any yet he somehow was made a prefect, Pitiful really."

"You two are so mean. I am mature right Harry?"

"Sorry mate but I have to agree with the girls here," Harry said through fits of laughter.

"Harry stop laughing like a little school girl," Ron responded who did not take well to being laughed at.

"Ron, don't get angry. It's just a bit of fun," Ginny said as they all quieted down. Suddenly they heard a large rapping on the window, outside there was a large school barn owl. Ginny got up and opened the window taking the letter from the bird she looked at the name printed on the letter, it said Hermione. "Hermione were you expecting mail?" Ginny asked handing the letter over.

"Nope," she replied opening the letter and beginning to read:

_Dear Hermione,_

_I know that you don't want us to be seeing each other in Hogwarts, but I can't help it. All I can do is think about you. Please give me a chance. It's not like I am actually one of your teachers, just an intern in a subject you don't take. Meet me at the Quidditch field tomorrow at five so we can talk._

_Love,_

_Krum_

Before Hermione had time to think, Ginny who had been reading over her shoulder, gasped and said, "Hermione, you have to do something about him. He is obviously over the moon about you!"

"Who, is crazy about Hermione," Ron said grabbing the note from the girls grasps and reading it quickly. "Hermione was their something going on between you and Krum," Ron said loudly.

Peoples head's navigated towards the four, "Ron, I would have told you and Harry if there was something going on with anyone and me," Hermione said in a quiet tone.

"Well you didn't tell me who you where going to the Yule Ball with, Ginny did."

"Only because you where being a complete prat. I can't believe it took you four year's to notice that I was a girl and then have nerve to ask me out because everyone you thought was pretty was gone!" Hermione said her voice rising to match Ron's loud tone.

"Hermione you know that I know you are a girl, after all you never sleep in the boys dorms."

"Well then I guess you never thought anyone would fancy me, just because I am not pretty right?"

"Hermione stop putting words in my mouth, no matter how bloody smart you are, you don't know what I think," he yelled.

"Ok, then tell me what you think. Why was it so outrageous for me to be asked out?"

"Because, because…" Ron stumbled angry.

"Out with it!" Hermione shouted angry.

"I don't know why!"

"So it's true, you think just because I am ugly people won't fancy me. I have news for you! People do fancy me because of my personality, but then you never noticed it did you because you are so vain that you think more about what's on the outside than the inside."

"So that's what you really think of me? Well I have got bloody great news for you, your just a know it all, teacher's pet, who spends more time with books than people, you're a book hermit!"

"Fine, if that's what you think of me I know who my true mates are and you are not one of them. If you think you can dictate whom I decide to date and what I want to do you are sadly mistaken. I am an independent person!" Hermione said, storming up to her dorm, tear threatening to spill, and seconds later Ron stormed up to his dorm.

Harry looked at Ginny and said, " I was afraid this would happen."

------------------------------

When Hermione entered her room, she flopped face down on her bed without even turning on the lights and started to sod. After about an hour, Hermione found her diary and opened to a clean page, eyes puffy and still sobbing, she began to write:

_Dear Diary,_

_Ron Weasley is a complete git! Now I know what he thinks about me and I shall never talk to him again. I don't see why I ever considered him my best mate; I should have never befriended him in first year. I heard what he used to say behind my back about me having no mates and being a know it all. Apparently he has never thought of me in a different light. He probably just pretended to be my mate so he could get help in subjects, that prat. Why did he always have to be so astonished and accusing whenever Krum was mentioned anyways? That is what started the whole row, right? I can't even remember. All I can think about is what he said, and the fact that he couldn't deny thinking that no one would like me because I am not pretty. Even Ron has to be deeper than that! Wait what am I saying? I heard every word that he said, and he meant it. I might as well start dating Krum; he is the only one who seems to see me as something. God, I am drowning in my own tears. I better just go to bed. I don't want Ron to think that I stayed up half way through the night crying because of him._

_Hermione_

-------------------------

Ron startled Neville as he angrily threw open the door. Ron angrily grabbed his broom, mounted it and managed to fly out the window (which is quite a feat because the window was rather small and he was rather large). Nothing calmed Ron's mood like flying aimlessly at high speeds, given it wasn't in an important Quidditch match. Unlike Hermione, Ron did not cry, 16 years of living with older brothers insured that.

Furiously Ron began thinking; why did Hermione always assume things? And why did she always know just the right way to push his buttons? She really was so much like his bloody teachers and mother sometimes, always telling him off and putting word in his mouth. But it was not like he actually had to talk to her; after all they weren't mates any more.

Thoughts such as these ran through his mind for a few hours before the cold finally got the better of him and he returned to his dorm, where everyone was already asleep. He changed into his pajamas and curled up in bed, not able to fall asleep till the wee hours of the night.

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Note- thank you reviewers and my beta another chapter up (sorry it took a whole week but the Honors Program in high school is rigorous). I just though I might tell you that my cat's tummy was making some pretty dam funny noises just so you know if you were wondering. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I really like the beginning personally. Sorry I had to make Ron and Hermione get in a fight, but its important to the plot, needless to say the next chapter looks like it is going to be good (and just between you and me, Ron will make up for his jealousness which we all know really started the fight). Ok I don't want to spoil it, but my fingers just keep on typing (bad finger bad, stop typing and go update I say but they just keep going). So remember to review and if you really like me add my to your favorite stories and authors lists!

Reviewers:

Bhekie- you honestly are amazing! You're my favorite reviewer! I am very glad you like that chapter. I was hoping that it did give insight in to Hermione's character (you know what is funny my bf thinks that I am molding Hermione after myself). I think that this chapter is a bit more interesting, even if Ron and Hermione's fight was a bit dramatic.

Ezza- Thank you! Sorry about my lack of time to update, but I don't have school half net week which means more and more chapters Yay!


	6. Ginny’s Plot Thickens

Disclaimer- my fire is still going very well but so you don't need to send my any howlers or flamers, but I am a bit hunger! Perhaps one of the People who warships me as a god because they think I created all theses character (even though I didn't) might send me some macadamia nuts to roast over the flames!

**Chapter 6**

**In Which Ron Changes Skirts**

**Or**

**Ginny's Plot Thickens**

_Thoughts such as these ran through his mind for a few hours before the cold finally got the better of him and he returned to his dorm, where everyone was already asleep. He changed into his pajamas and curled up in bed, not able to fall asleep till the wee hours of the night..._

Ron rolled over in his bed. It was way to early in the morning for him to be getting up, but he couldn't go back to sleep because whatever he had gone to sleep in had gotten bunched up and was very uncomfortable. He blinked a few times and found himself looking down at a body what definitely wasn't his. The body had on a girl's school uniform and lacked some body parts that Ron was rather accustom to. Ron screamed and immediately recognized the voice; it was Hermione's. He Ron Weasley was in Hermione Grangers body, bloody hell.

-----------------------------

Hermione Granger woke up to someone yelling, the voice sounded familiar but she couldn't put a finger on whose it was. She rubbed her eyes and stretched, as the screaming stopped. When her eyes became accustom to the light she recognized that she was not in her bed. She knew this room it was the 7th year Gryffindor boys room and there was Harry, just awakening with no shirt on, oh bloody hell Harry put on a shirt she thought. Wait a minute, she thought, I don't say bloody hell and if that is Harry's bed then this is… that prat! What am I doing in his bed? She jumped out of the bed, hitting her head on the ceiling. She Rubbed her head, oh no, she thought, this isn't my hair, its too soft… and straight… and RED. No, no, no, no, she was in Ron Weasley's body.

She shot out of the room like a lightning (the fastest broom in the world), hearing Harry ask her if something was up, but she had no time to respond. She raced down the stairs only to underestimate where the stares were and ended up falling down the whole lot of them, colliding head first into a bushy haired girl. They untangled themselves at the bottom of the stairs and just as Hermione was about to apologizes she realized that she was staring back at herself and literally screamed, "You!"

"You! Get out of there right now, how dare you steal my body!" Ron screamed.

"Me, you're the one who caused it!" Hermione spat.

"I did not I just woke up and I was like this. Besides you're the one who's suppose to be bloody brilliant I couldn't pull off a charm like this!"

"Even I don't know kind of a charm this is."

"Oh, I bet it was Malfoy that bloody prat," Ron said, 'his' face plastered with a look of disgust.

"I can't believe this! What are we going to do?"

"Well first off you're going to get out of my pajamas. What will people think if they see me walking around in the castle with them on?"

"You git think of what your are saying! I don't want to see anything that you have under your pajamas. And people are beginning to stare. I think we better go talk to Dumbledore."

"Your right, if anyone knows, I will be the laughing stock of the whole school."

"I am always right and you are always the laughing stock of the whole school," Hermione said unhappily under her breath, still having felt the resentment from the day before. They exited the common room and almost ran to Dumbledore's office. About half way there Hermione noticed just how untidy she looked.

She pulled Ron behind a statue and exasperatedly said, "I can't believe I let you out of the common room like this, we are going to see the headmaster, I should have made you look presentable." She then went about pulling the skirt this way and that and trying to flatten down the shirt. She noticed how odd it was for her to use Ron's large hands to do things. Ron on the other hand stood there very awkwardly as Hermione readjusted 'his' clothing. He began to realize just how different Hermione's body really was from his, besides being so short, he reluctantly noticed that she also was more 'top heavy' then him and that she definitely had more curves then he previously remembered (not that he would ever admit to have checked Hermione's curves out before).

"Hermione, stop fussing I look fine. Now come on, I want out of this body," Ron said irritablely. She stopped fussing with the clothes and began marching quickly to the office, still in an angry mood. When they arrived Hermione said the password, firewisky, (which she knew because she was head girl) and they were let into the office. Dumbledore was already there, staring contently at them as they entered, a mysterious glimmer in his eyes.

"I was expecting you two, sit," he said indicating two squashy armchairs. They both took seats and Ron shot a glace towards Hermione.

"Professor," Hermione began, "I am Hermione, not Ron, I woke up this morning and we had switched bodies."

"Ah yes, I already know. It is part of your extra credit assignment, every prefect has to do," he answered simply.

"What! How!" Ron said astonished.

"It's really quite simple, any academic challenge would be to easy for Hermione and it is definitely not something that she needs improving on. In fact both of your biggest difficulties seem to be getting along with each other and although your are best mates ("were best mates you mean," Ron said under his breath) you don't seem to always understand each other. I am aware that you two have recently had a disagreement, so I think this will not only be beneficial to you two, but the whole school because I heard the row all the way on the first floor and I am sure it disrupted many other people. I therefore have decided that you will just have to spend some time in each other's shoes so you can better relate to each other."

"Professor, isn't it a bit rash? I mean I don't want Ron to see any of me or me see any of him."

"Don't worry Miss. Granger, I am sure you are capable of finding a proper spell for any problems you encounter, in the library. The spell that I used will wear off after you have walked about a mile, so I think you are both able to last that long."

"But, don't you think someone will notice the difference? He will ruin my reputation," Hermione said, who wasn't taking any of this at all well.

"Well that is part of the assignment, I don't want anyone to know you switched places and that includes Mr. Potter."

"I can't believe this, I am stick in some teacher pets body," Ron said. Hermione glared at Ron and looked as though she was going to cry, but didn't say anything in the presence of the headmaster.

"Now I am sure you have a lot to do so I shall see you two later, and don't bother looking for a counter cure for 'taosataodahilsaamilya' Ms. Granger, their isn't one," Dumbledore said a sparkle in his eye. Ron and Hermione exited and Hermione began dragging Ron towards the library.

------------------

The night before (after Ron and Hermione got in a row) Ginny had been left alone with Harry who seemed very sad about his mates' row and as they talked Harry had told her that he was really worried that they would keep it up and be too stingy to apologize to each other. So despite the fact that Ginny was unhappy about the row, she was ecstatic to have had a real conversation with Harry and not freeze up.

The next morning Ginny had woken up to Hermione screaming, she had instantly raced up the stairs to see what was wrong, but Hermione came racing past her instead, so Ginny followed right behind the fast moving Hermione, until she ran straight into Ron. Ginny stood rooted to the spot as she listened to them bicker until she realized what had happened. She had then followed them to Dumbledore's office and used an extendable ear to ease drop on the three talking. She had then quickly returned to her dorm, taken a shower and gotten dressed. After that she had raced down to the great hall, where she snagged a piece of toast and answered Harry's question about where Ron and Hermione were, and headed straight to the library.

Ginny knew that she did not have a lot of time to put her plan into action. She had created a plan to make Hermione and Ron realize just how much the fancied each other. All she needed was a modifying charm for the spell that was put on the two, so that they would be stuck in the bodies longer, and a bit of luck.

When Ginny entered the library she noticed a near tears "Ron" and an extremely angry "Hermione" she skirted to the opposite side of the library, before starting to pull book after book off the shelf looking for the right book. Too bad Hermione couldn't help me find the right book, Ginny thought. Finally she pulled out a book labeled, Conman Strengthening and Time Extending Spells. Smiling, she found a section that said 'extending time for the effects of advanced human substitution spells' and began to read:

_In the cause of Substitution spells, related to humans, such as the famous 'humanosapodisjuntor' incantations common in 7th century CE Europe, in which a human and a toad switch places, long lasting effects are rather important, however, the power of such incantations is often not substantial enough to last for the wanted amount of time. For example often the 'humanosapodisjuntor' spell was wanted to last until the toad was kissed, but the spell in its original form only lasts for a few days at best, so additional charms where added. To extend the effects of a spell till a certain event occur; involves careful mathematical calculations and spell wring skills, so inexperienced spell writers beware, even the slightest mistake can have catastrophic effects. _(Like warnings were going to stop Ginny when she put her mind to something.)

_The first step to creating the additional spell is to obtain the original spell cast and find the origin spell and is meaning. For example 'humanosapodisjuntor' originated in Portugal and roughly translates to human toad switch. Then you must fuse this spell with both a time extender and a given event or date. There is a list of time extenders, date, and event spells located at the back of the book on page 1043. The French who greatly enjoyed the 'humanosapodisjuntor' spell created the suffix spell 'labourerlesembrasser' translating to till the kiss to create the desired effect in 743 CE_ (Ginny grinned, wouldn't Hermione and Ron hate her if she used that suffix spell?)._ When combining two spells ending in r, r's are most commonly removed, however, there are exceptions (see any beginners spell wringing book for examples). So the additional incantation for 'humanosapodisjuntor' is 'humanosapadisjuntolabourerlesembrasser'. However, unlike the last example many spells already have built in prefixes or suffices that must be removed before the adding of a new one. An example of this is the 'taosataodahilsaamilya' spell that is written in Filipino (translating to human to human for a mile) by a mother who wanted her son and daughter to walk a mile in each other's shoes around the second century CE. A Latin student later altered it to 'taosataoexaroamoretlumenevalesco' in the 5th century who tried to get her divorced patents back together. She removed the suffix 'dahilsaamilya' and added 'exaroamoretlumenevalesco', which means till love and understanding prevail. _(Ginny was overjoyed that she didn't have to write such an extensive spell herself and the book had just placed it right in front of her.)

_It is important to also remember that only one breath must be used during the speaking of the spell for it to work properly. The wand work will remain the same due to the same core spell, but the importance of visualizing only increases because of the semi unstable state of a modified spell._

Ginny got out her wand and pointed it at Ron and Hermione who where huddled over a large stack of books and said 'taosataoexaroamoretlumenevalesco' in a loud clear voice doing a sort of double circle design that was indicated in a picture text labeled _Professor R. J. Tinkle demonstrating 'taosataoexaroamoretlumenevalesco' and 'taosataodahilsaamilya'_. There was a little popping sound but nothing else happened. Ginny hoped she had done it right, but only time would tell.

--------------------------

Hermione and Ron spent all morning looking up spells and eventually found a spell for going to the bathroom (tinkous), a spell for changing cloths (changothous) and as for bathing they would just change into bathing suites and take a shower. Other than telling each other spells they both refused to speak to one another. Harry finally found them mid morning and began questioning them.

"So have you guys made up yet?" Harry asked.

'Ron' replied, "Harry you can tell Ro…err… Hermione that we will never make up."

"I guess I will take that as a no," Harry said, taking a seat at the table, "What are you two doing?"

Hermione and Ron quickly covered the books and Hermione stammered, "Oh nothing, don't you have Quidditch practice or something?"

"Bloody hell," Ron said jumping up and Harry looked at him funny because Hermione never cursed.

"Hermione are you ok?" Harry asked.

"Do I look ok?" asked Hermione angrily.

"I said Hermione not Ron," Harry stammered slightly taken a back.

"Err… Ron can I talk to you in privet," Ron said.

"Fine," Hermione pouted.

"Before you leave don't forget that practice is at 1," Harry said as Ron pulled Hermione through the halls to the grounds.

"We have to walk a bloody mile and fast," Ron said.

Hermione finally released herself from Ron's grasp (wondering, damn am I really that strong?), and said, "What are you talking about?"

"There is no way in hell that you are going to ruin my Quidditch stature. We have to change bodies now!"

"Oh no, I am not going to get on a broom," Hermione stammered. They both walked quickly about the grounds hoping that the spell would wear off but I didn't. Hermione's tummy made a loud rumbling and they both realized just how hungry they bother were.

"I don't care if we ever get back to our bodies, just as long as I get food," Hermione said.

"I know, I am so hungry I could eat a hippogriff," Ron agreed.

"Ron, Stop being so rash, that is a living being and you have to pretend to be me which means no meat," Hermione said horrorstricken.

"Merlin, I can't even eat meat when will the injustice end," Ron groaned, "besides you're the rash one, I could fast for days if it meant being a man again."

"Honestly you make it seem like being in my body is so bad," Hermione said.

"It is, this skirt is so bloody drafty and how do you keep people from not looking up it," Ron said.

Hermione grinned, "You have to cross your legs when you sit down, and now you know just one of the many discomforts females have that men seem to find attractive."

They finally found their way to the great hall and realized that they would have to sit together because all the other seats were taken. With groans they sat next to each other and Hermione continually pestered Ron about Table edict saying things like, "Put your napkin on your lap," " Stop slouching," and "Your hands are not utensils". At the end of the meal Harry and Ginny came up to Ron and Hermione (Harry had decided to sit with Ginny, who enjoyed the company because he was slightly afraid of the way his best mates had been acting).

"Come on Ron time for practice," Harry said. Hermione had a pleading look on her face but got up and followed Harry. Ginny did everything in her power not to laugh, the look on Ron's face at the thought of letting Hermione take his place in Quidditch was really funny.

She thought to herself deviously, time to start my incredible plan and said, "Hermione, after you meet with Krum, you have to give me all the details so meet me at my room at 7, unless you think you will spend longer with Krum," she winked. The real Hermione went red in the face and the fake Hermione's jaw dropped. No, no, no, no, I have to meet with the bloody git and he is going to be all over me like he is with Hermione, Ron thought bitterly. He and Hermione shared a look of horror, Ginny grinned, and Harry didn't pay a wink of attention to Hermione or Ron, but instead was looking at Ginny. Harry though feverishly, I wish I could make her smile like that.

----------------------------

Dear readers and hopefully son to be reviewers, I am so sorry it took to long but I had serous writers block. I hope you like the chapter though. I have been swamped with AP World work not to mention chem., Spanish 2, geometry honors, drawing and panting 1, media 1, English 2 honors, or my social life. The chapters fallowing will become increasingly funny (I mean how couldn't it?). Also thanks to my lovely reviewers my ego has been completely boosted, and its only cause of people like you that I am motivated to update instead of doing my homework.

Anyways, HELP WANTED!!!!!!- All my lovely readers you can contribute. I know that you all must know something of the hardships of male teenaged wizards, so tell me because I am not one (and if you don't cause you are female grab you brother, BF, or just a guy friend and force them to read the story and give ideas)!

Reviewers-

Bhekie- there is competition for the favorite reviewers but you are defiantly still one of the top ones because you don't seem to get bored or reviewing witch is a very good thing! They have finally switched bodies, and denial is hanging as think as a cloud in their air, (but just wait a few chapters it might un fog).

Purple butterfly – you are high on my list of favorite reviewers! I am sorry it took so long to update but I am a perfectionist. I wish I where the next J.K. Rowling but sadly I am not and writing is only my side career on my way to (hopefully) becoming a famous artist. I just turned 16 at the end of October, so sadly that dose not mean that I am a 12 year old writing genius, but hay at least I can drive as soon as I get around to taking the test right?

Thehalfbloodprincess- so glad you liked it, here is a new update for you; expect them about once a week. (I read you pf and I am sorry to say that Ginny and Harry look like they are getting together, however, I hate Harry Potter so he really not going to be such a big part of the plot). Ps I hate Harry/ Hermione love fanfics gerr Nash, Nash!


	7. Dating Malfoy

Disclaimer-whoever left the Macadamia nuts on my bed thanks. I really love the nuttiers that leave me the food instead of J.k. Rowling because they like the plot in the story not the characters, which I don't own.

**Chapter 7**

**In which Hermione Dose Broom Ballets**

**Or**

**Dating Malfoy  
**

_She thought to herself deviously, time to start my incredible plan and said, "Hermione, after you meet with Krum, you have to give me all the details so meet me at my room at 7, unless you think you will spend longer with Krum," she winked. The real Hermione went red in the face and the fake Hermione's jaw dropped. No, no, no, no, I have to meet with the bloody git and he is going to be all over me like he is with Hermione, Ron thought bitterly. He and Hermione shared a look of horror, Ginny grinned, and Harry didn't pay a wink of attention to Hermione or Ron, but instead was looking at Ginny. Harry though feverishly, I wish I could make her smile like that…_

On the way to the Quidditch pitch, Ron run alongside the other 3 who now all had considerably longer legs then him.

Grabbing Hermione and pulling her away from Harry and Ginny, he said, "There is no way in hell that I am going to go on a date with Krum."

"Well I am sorry, I don't like that you have to be me either, and it is not a date we are just talking."

"Why can't I just cancel?"

"Because I already told him I was coming and its mean to bail at the last moment."

"Well its not exactly the last moment there is still a few hours!" Ron said desperately trying to get out of a date with Krum.

"Look all you have to do is pretend to be me, you have known me for long enough to know how I generally react."

"I thought you would dump his sorry self, so I guess I don't know you as well as I thought."

"You can't dump someone you never dated," Hermione reminded him angrily.

"Whatever, I guess I will just go and tell him to keep as bloody far away from me as possible."

"You can't do that! If you do I will ask Luna out," Hermione retorted.

"You wouldn't dare," Ron said trying to catch her bluff.

"Oh, you know I would," Hermione threatened.

"Fine if you ask her out I am going to ask out Malfoy," Ron said because honestly there couldn't be anything else worse then dating Malfoy.

"Ok if you ask Malfoy out, then I might as well ask him out too," Hermione said knowing that she had won.

"Fine what the bloody hell do you want me to say?" Ron said, excepting defeat.

Hermione thought and finally answered, "Just tell him I am not ready for a relationship right now and wouldn't mind being friends," she decided.

"Yuck, friends with Krum," Ron said distastefully, "Hermione, if he so much as tries to snog me I am leaving no if, ands, or buts."

"Krum, would not try to snog me if I said I just wanted to be friends. So your lucky," Hermione said.

From Ginny who was about ten strides in front of them they heard her yell, "Ron, we are going to be late for Quidditch practice if you don't hurry up, and Hermione what are you doing here?"

"I was just err…. reminding Ron that their was a prefect meeting on Sunday and that he couldn't be late again," Ron answered lamely. Before running to Harry and Ginny, Hermione reminded Ron not to screw up 'her' meeting Krum. The Gryffindor team was in the locker room putting on their Quidditch robes and Hermione didn't feel to comfortable about others changing, but soon everyone was out on the Quidditch field getting ready to mount their brooms. Hermione was so nervous that her knees were knocking together and the beater a 5th year, Todd Elmer, a rather Stocky boy with mossy haired, asked her whether 'he' needed to borrow his extra set of robes because 'he' looked rather cold.

Harry continued on his talk, "So today I think that we should warm up with a few quick laps. Then we need to work on scoring because last year there were a lot of points we missed, so we are going to do a triangle drill to get started. Beaters, I want you to work on your accuracy, so pretend the chasers are on the other team, which will add a challenge for the chasers. Ok people, we don't have all day lets get going," Harry finished.

Hermione watched the rest of the team mount their brooms and begin the laps. First Harry was off the ground, followed by the beaters: Todd and Jeff (A tall 6th year with shoulder length blond hair whose family was muggle. He was one of the prefects and despite his size and built body he was very kind (well except when it came to Quidditch)). After the beaters were off the ground the chasers: Ginny, Kelp (an odd 3rd year who was quite small, had dirty dishwater hair and extremely pail skin) and Joe (Lee Jordan's younger brother who was a carbon copy except smaller). Which left Hermione alone on the ground to mount her broom and fly off and she did just that (well after falling off twice before successfully making it into the air and then she kept zigzagging and slipping this way and that).

The rest of the team where already half way around the field and Hermione tried to do the laps but she was afraid to go more than about 5 mph so the rest of the team quickly passed her. Hermione was on the verge of tears 'why did Dumbledore have to switch her and Ron? She was afraid of heights, going fast, and just the general aspects of Quidditch. Everyone must think me such a git for going so slow.' She eventually completed the 5 laps much after everyone else who impatiently waited. When she returned to the ground with the rest of team, extremely tired, Harry asked what took her so long to which she grumbled some dumb answer and the rest of the team took their positions for the triangle. Hermione didn't have the faintest clue what it was, but she figured that she must just stand in front the hoops. As she hovered she thought, dear god just kill me now, I feel like I am going to throw up and my bum has gone very sore and nub.

The chasers made a triangle (2 above 1 below) and flew, passing the ball to one another so it would be hard for the apposing team to reach it. As they neared the goal, much to Hermione's fear, Bludgers began whirling about and she was deathly terrified that she would be hit. Ginny who knew that Hermione was scared shitless and decided to go easy on her. Since this time it was her turn to shoot the quaffle she sent the quaffle straight to Hermione so it would be an easily catch. Hermione, however, did not notice the large red round object coming towards her because at the same moment the Bludgers (that were 20 feet off) seemed to be far to close. Hermione was hit full in the chest and almost fell of her broom, but at the last second she regained balance.

"What was that Ron? The ball was coming straight at you." Harry asked slightly angrily, just because Ron had a row with Hermione it didn't give him the right to be acting like he was today, especially with the first match against Hufflepuff was only a week away.

"Sorry Harry," Hermione groaned, "I am having an off day."

"Well try and keep your head in the game," Harry said. The next time the ball came at Hermione (this time from Joe) she ducked out of the way and was very proud at her fast maneuvering away from getting hit, however, Harry didn't seem at all pleased. By the 7th time the ball came at her, she realized what she was suppose to catch it. After half an hour of the practice she finally was able to catch one of Kelp's throws after it bounced off one of the rings that served as goals. Overjoyed Hermione did a small dance with her upper body on the broom which sent Ginny into fits of laughter and she had to grip on to her broom tightly for fear that the laughing would make her fall off. Harry who would have normally found Ron's sudden broom ballet hilarious was becoming increasing worried about their first game, thinking, if Ron can't even make simple catches then we're doomed. Hermione successfully managed to catch 5 other throws before Harry decided that he couldn't take it any more and called a quit to practice two hours later. Hermione could have hugged Harry to death when he said practice was over. She felt humiliated, shaken, tired, cold, sore, and sweaty. All she wanted was a warm bath, but before she could escape to the castle Harry called to her.

"Ron, what's going on? You were doing horrible in practice and you and Hermione are still mad at each other, but are for some reason always together."

"I have been having a horrible day," she confessed to her best mate, "I haven't felt myself all day."

"Mate, you really have to stop getting in rows with each other."

"I can't help it she is just so unreasonable sometimes," Hermione said thinking, I can't help it he is just so unreasonable sometimes.

"Well it still doesn't explain why you two have spent the entire day together," Harry said who was still kind of angry for his best mates dumping him this morning.

"Sorry it is this stupid thing Dumbledore is making us do because we are prefects," Hermione said still not trying to lie to her mate so she would just bend the truth a bit.

"Oh, I guess there are advantages not to being perfects," Harry said as they reached the castle and began heading to Gryffindor tower, "What are you going to do the rest of today?" Harry asked 'Ron'.

"I am going to take a good long bath and then get a start on all my homework," she said, forgetting that she was suppose to be Ron.

"I think Hermione is rubbing off on you," Harry said. Hermione was saved the problem of answering because they arrived at the common room. Hermione excused herself to try and take a bath. She began walking up the steps to her room but quickly found herself face down on the floor. She realized that she had just attempted to go to the girls' dorms and quickly got up, so that hopefully no one would notice that she had fallen. However, 4 or 5 Gryffindors that were in the common room had noticed and a few girls in the corner where snickering loudly. So she quickly ran up to the boys' dorms. She pushed the door open and to her horror there was Harry with nothing on, but a towel. She quickly averted her eyes and thought, Merlin can Harry ever keep his cloths on in his dorm? I feel sorry for his roommates, not Ron though he deserves any torture possible. She began searching for Ron's towel and other shower things.

After a bit she heard Harry say, "Ron, I got dibs on the shower in here, so you got to go to the prefects shower."

"Ok," Hermione said, then asking, "Have you seen my Shampoo?"

"Mate you really are having an off day, you didn't even check the bathroom," He said grabbing a few bottles of Ron's Stuff and tossing it to Hermione before closing himself in the bathroom. Hermione had a horrible time catching the bottles and one ended up on the floor making a rather nasty stain on one of the many school uniforms that had been strewn about the room. She picked up the shower stuff and figured she might as well use the towels they had in the prefects' bathroom. So she found her way to the bathroom and went inside.

She turned on the hot water and it began to fill up. She added some pink bubbles. She then did the changing cloths charm and found herself in a red bathing suit. She conjured a book that she had been reading (it was a Romance novel) and put a waterproof charm on it. She began her long awaited bath. (Sorry, but I had to do it; the image of Ron reading a romance novel in a bath full of Pink bubbles is just too funny to resist) after reading for a bit, she figured she better actually get to taking the bath and so she put the book down and began to wash her hair. She was immediately jealous of Ron to be blessed with such nice hair. She thought 'why did I have to get the dull, bushy brown mop and he get the silky straight hair'. She finished washing her hair and started to wash her body, she couldn't help but notice that he had really nice muscles, I mean I had to run my hands over them to wash them right, she thought in defense. When she was finally done with her bath, she went to the library to get her homework done, because she would never trust Ron to do it.

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Ron after having talked with Hermione he found himself heading to the library because he knew of a particularly good spot to watch the Quidditch field from. When he got there he noticed to his dismay a very slow figure that had to be Hermione who was doing absolutely terrible. By the end of the practice he was about ready to strangle Hermione, her cat could have done a better job at being keeper. He began walking up and down the library waiting, knowing that Hermione would soon find her way up to the library, after all their was some kind of magical force that always pulled her towards the library. If he was going to have her be in his body, he was going to have to teach her to play proper Quidditch if it was the last thing he (or she) did.

"Hermione, you are going to make a hole in the carpet," said a voice from behind making him jump. A handsome dark, shaggy haired boy with grey eyed was standing behind him, who happened to be the head boy Terry Boot (N/A is that what he looks like cause I didn't check the books they are all the way on the other side of the room!). He had on a smirk, "Sorry to have scared you like that."

"I was just waiting for someone, so I didn't notice you," Ron said not at all sure he liked Terry Boot's tone of voice.

"I am surprised that you didn't notice me then."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Ron asked rather puzzled, why would Hermione notice Terry?

"Hermione you're really funny sometimes, you couldn't have forgot about our tutoring session," He said. However, Ron certainly didn't remember Hermione saying anything about tutoring. Then he remembered, she had had to tutor 2 first years, but then why was Terry here?

"Err… sorry I lost my err… planer," Ron said lamely, hoping that Hermione was in fact suppose to be tutoring with Terry. He scanned the library again in search of Hermione. Where the Bloody hell was she? Quidditch practice had been out for a good half an hour and it only took 20 minutes to grab the shower stuff, take a shower and then change and bring the stuff back, and that was only because the castle was so large (poor Ron he will never understand women).

"That's ok, at least I found you," Terry said, bring Ron back to reality, "Who were you looking for."

"Ron."

"Why would you be looking for him after that fight you had with him?" Terry inquired.

"We did have a fight, how did you know?" Ron said trying desperately to think of why he would be looking for himself.

"I was patrolling the corridors on the third floor last night when I heard you two yelling he was really cruel. Do you want to talk about it?" Ron thought, I really wasn't cruel compared to her, how dare he!

"No!" Ron said heatedly.

Terry was a bit taken aback said, "Ok, forget I asked. Anyways we better start the tutoring there is Anna," He said pointing to a girl who was a Gryffindor first year. Terry led a reluctant Ron to a table near the back of the room, which had been declared the official domain of Hermione. Anna followed behind them. Terry asked Anna, "So what do you need help in?"

"We have a charms test on Monday on hovering charms that I don't seem to get it," Anna said, Ron let out a breath at least he knew how to do this charm. The three took seats and Terry started to review the wand motion for the charm, while Ron began to drift off; Terry was just as boring as professor Flitwick. Ron began snoring and Terry prodded him with his wand.

Ron jumped clear off his seat and said, "Professor I was paying complete attention." Terry Anna, and a Hufflepuff girl what was sitting at his table began to snicker.

"Hermione, keep your voice down we are in a library," Said a voice behind him. He turned around and came face to face with Hermione. Terry gave 'Ron' a rather distasteful look.

"Err… Sorry I dosed off, can I talk to Ron for a second," Ron said, not waiting for an answer, as he grabbed Hermione and pulled her towards the closest bookshelf.

"Hermione you are going to learn to play some proper Quidditch. Tomorrow morning meet me at the pitch at 6:00 that way no one will see you play," Ron said.

"Not more of that bloody sport," Hermione groaned. Ron knew that Hermione really detested it because he could count the times Hermione cursed on one hand.

"Look Hermione if I have to go on a date with Krum, you have to learn to play Quidditch," Ron said.

"It's not a date!"

"Look I don't care what you think it is; I think it is a bloody date. Besides if you don't I will run naked through the corridors," Ron said.

"Fine but you owe me big!" Hermione screamed stalking out of the library. Ron felt it all went over quite well and returned to the table where he was tutoring.

"What was that all about?" Terry asked him.

"Oh nothing," Ron said. Terry and Ron continued to tutor the two first years for another hour before they called it quits, and the first years both had mastered the levitating charm. Terry had insisted on walking 'Hermione' back to her common room because they had to talk about Head people business. Ron was only able to live through the traumatic experience of having a guy hug him when he left 'her' at the portrait of the fat lady by thinking of Quidditch.

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Don't kill me people for taking so long to update because my Internet crashed! Tear! Tear! Tear! Anyways this is going to change from romance/ general to romance/ humor. Please tell me if you think it is funny enough to be humor. And read and review! My sister and I have been bouncing off ideas about our fanfics and as a result we keep stealing things from each other it is quite funny. Anyway I promise next chapter will have the long awaited Ron and Krum date! It's going to be great. I think the chapter will be called, '_In which Ron gets his first kiss'_ (which might give you ideas about the next chapter). Also Terry has a secret that no one is expecting, but you have to wait for a few chapters, the anticipation is building I can just feel it. Ok anyways I would really like more reviews and my constant reviewers are the best!!!!!!!

PS- Ron and Hermione are going to be in each other's body for a long time so I will need ideas so please review with ideas!!!!

Reviewers-

Thehalfbloodprincess- Yay another review! I am so glad you like my story! Ron and Hermione are the best!!! Oh and this is your thanksgiving present from me another chapter. I really do hate Harry he really needs to die, but then it would just make all the books depressing and that is just kind of boring, so I cant do it on this story (but maybe my next one…). Anyways please review!

Belanna30- Well I guess we know how bad 'Ron' is at Quidditch, but then that may change! Or maybe she is just bad at being keeper and is better at a different position (hehehehehe foresight to chapter way in the future). I am so glad you like this chapter! I cant wait till I write Ron's date and his talk with Ginny afterwards it is going to be so great I just hope I don't ruin it!

Bhekie- thanks I thought it was funny too and I love to say bloody hell too! In fact one of the reasons why it took so long to update, I spelt a whole day talking on IM with my friends pretending I an British and I was like "fancy a good snog". Those British are so lucky; I have an American ascent, which really sucks, why couldn't I have had a Canadian ascent, I mean I am Canadian after all but no, I had to move. Anyways do you know any good British words because my dialog is pretty shabby when it comes to the actual British part? Hope to hear more of your reviews!


	8. The Emotional Spans of Ron, Hermione,,,

Disclaimer- I swapped my macadamia nuts with a squirrel for some smores and now we are eating quite happily. I think he may be the nuttier who left the lollypop sticks because he says he just not some brainwork done. Poor thing still can't remember what he has been doing for the last year, much less that I only own the plot of this story. He really aut to stop eating the fermented nuts I think there going to his head.

Chapter 8   
In Which Ron Gets His First Kiss 

**Or **

**The Emotional Spans of Ron, Hermione, and a Mirror**

_Terry had insisted on walking 'Hermione' back to her common room because they had to talk about Head people business. Ron was only able to live through the traumatic experience of having a guy hug him when he left 'her' at the portrait of the fat lady by thinking of Quidditch…_

Hermione was in such a strut after meeting Ron that she had stormed all the way to the common room muttering rude things about Ron and Quidditch, making passersby stare at her funny. When she got to the tower she stormed about looking for Ron's copies of the textbooks and when she had gathered all of his stuff together, she angrily went back to the common room and dropped it on a table making many of the people around her jump. She flipped thought his tattered Potions book like some mad creature ready to strike at the slightest movement, looking for the importance of newts tail in healing potions. She scrawled down notes on a spare bit of parchment loudly, and soon many of the people moved to the other side of the room for fear that 'Ron' was about to attack someone. Still in her heated state, occasionally muttering something like, "What is the point of the ruddy sport anyways" or "He is a right Pratt, honestly wait till I get back in my own body, he will pay," She finished another perfect Hermione essay. Then, she pulled out her wand to practice the appearance changing charm that they where suppose to learn. With the sight of 'Ron' taking out his wand the reminder of the people departed from the common room. Hermione's anger made the couch she was trying to turn an aqua color a rather sick shade of green.

The portrait door swung open revealing 'Hermione' with a disgusted look smeared across her face. Ron cringed when he realized that no one was in the common room, but Hermione and he realized for the first time in his life that he looked right frightening when he was angry. Ron gulped, despite his best efforts to be brave. Ok, so maybe their Quidditch conversation hadn't gone over so well, he thought. He stood their not sure what to say to her, and she continued to ignore him and turn furniture around the common room to different colors and back again to their original state. Ron decided to escape from the terror of Hermione.

He headed to the boys staircases, and as he put his foot on the first step, when Hermione harshly whispered, "Wrong staircase, and don't think you are going up to the girls dorm, unless it is to get me my notes and books, because you have to meet Victor in 7 minutes," She finished without so much as looking at Ron and turned the lamp on the other side of the room a violent shade of purple. Ron took his foot off the bottom stair thinking, Hermione is right scary some times, I mean she knew what I was doing and she wasn't even looking up.

"Hermione, do I really have to see him?"

"I am surprised you aren't dieing to go meet him, I mean he is such a good Quidditch player. I am sure you would enjoy having a flying lesson, after all you seem so enthusiastic on giving me one," Hermione spat. Ron was not use to Hermione twisting her words in such a cruel matter, in fact the last time he recalled she had done so was when they where fighting in 4th year. Ron decided that he better exit before one of the color changing spells that Hermione was doing hit him.

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Ginny had been sitting one of the top steps (ease dropping yet again) and decided it was time to carry out another part of her plan. After Ron had left she went downstairs and sat down next to 'Ron'.

"Ron, this has got to stop," Ginny said. Hermione paused hand poised to do a spell and gave her a questioning look.

"What has got to stop, I am studying!"

"Isn't it obvious?" Ginny said.

"No," Hermione pouted.

"Look you are never going to make her yours if you keep blowing up at her because you are jealous of some bloke that actually can tell her his feelings," Ginny said matter-a-factly.

"Who would I want to make mine?" Hermione said putting down her wand. Ron had never mentioned that he fancied anyone, but then it wasn't exactly what they usually talked about. Still though, he should have told his best mate before his sister right? Not that we are best mates any more, she thought.

Ginny laughed, pretending that Ron had actually told her that he fancied someone, "Don't play dumb with me. You can't stop talking about how much you fancy her whenever she walked out of the room, you are always in a daze thinking about her, and Harry even caught you saying her name in your sleep. I think the whole school knows except her." Hermione was totally befuddled, who could this mysterious girl be that had captured Ron's every thought? She was probably some extremely pretty girl, and she couldn't be a Slitherin, which narrowed it down a bit.

Hermione decided to take a stab in the dark, "Oh, sorry you are talking about Parvati right?"

"Ron, of course not! You have said it a million times, Parvati doesn't hold a candle to Hermione," Hermione's mouth dropped open, her face heated; Ronald Weasley her trouble causing former best mate, whose body she was stuck in fancied her? What was the world coming to? This couldn't be true, Ginny must be wrong!

The look on 'Ron's' face was priceless for Ginny and it took all of Ginny will to not fall to the ground laughing. But she remained composed and said, "Ron is something wrong, I mean you are in a tiff with her, but it's not the end of the world." All of what Ginny was saying to Hermione was too much for her, and combined with her own thoughts, it was near unbearable.

She quickly stammered, "Ginny I forgot about something, I have to go," and ran from the room. She found herself in the library before long and found that she could see straight down on the Quidditch pitch from where she sat at her favorite table adjacent to her normal spot. Hermione's head sunk down to the table. If she had thought yesterday was bad, today was horrible. If it was true that Ron fancied her then why was he always getting in rows with her, and always saying such abusing words. She looked up at the Quidditch pitch and saw 2 small figures together, one was Ron.

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After narrowly escaping Hermione, Ron was forced to meet Krum or be completely embarrassed when Hermione asked Malfoy out. Eventually Ron decided to brave the date with Krum, and found himself on the Quidditch pitch. The late September winds had picked up and the sun was about to set, making Ron curse himself for forgetting Hermione's cloak and curse Hermione forever buying this stupid skirt. He noticed Krum in one of the stands with a basket next to him. When Krum saw Ron he brightened, Ron gulped. Krum got onto his broom and rode down to meet Ron.

"Hermione, you look fabulous today. I was afraid you wouldn't come," Krum said, his eyes glancing down from 'Hermione's' face for a bit to her chest and Ron crossed his arms over his chest. Ron angrily thought 'Krum better keep his randy eyes of my boobs'. "Is that a new shirt," Krum asked.

Without thinking Ron said, "Of course not I have warn it 5 times since school started," after saying it he realized that he had in fact had counted the times Hermione had warn this shirt and well every other shirt.

"Oh, yes you are right," Krum said and Ron thought 'duh I am right, I am Hermione after all, oops I mean Ron!' "I realized that we would be missing dinner so I brought us a picnic to eat while we talk," Ron's mood brightened, Yes food! The two walked down to the grounds (rather too close for Ron's comfort) and Krum spread out a cloth for them to eat on. He handed Ron a platter of spaghetti, which happened to be Hermione's favorite food. The two ate in relative silence, except for an occasional belch from Ron. Krum then produced chocolate cake that was both Ron and Hermione's favorite that he devoured even more quickly.

"Hermione, your cold, let me warm you up," Krum said drawing a horrified Ron to him and putting his arm around him. Ron looked around to see if there was anyone to save him but their wasn't. Her realized that that it would be almost romantic at this very place if Krum were a bird. There was a beautiful sunset over the lake and the autumn trees where bright with yellows, oranges and reds.

"Look Hermione I know that you afraid of what teachers might think, but you are the most responsible person in the entire school. Please give me a chance," Krum said looking into Ron's eyes his voice full of emotion.

Ron turned away and said in a rather flat tone; "I don't think I am ready for a relationship right now."

"I am sorry to hear that, but there is something that I just have to know," Krum said, turning Ron to face him and closed his eyes pressing his lips against Ron's. For a few seconds Ron didn't realize what was happening, but then he understood, 'Bloody hell Krum is kissing me ew!' Ron stood up abruptly ending the kiss and Krum's eyes opened, which had a glazed expression in them.

"Bloody hell! What was that for?!?!" Ron said whirling around and marching off to the castle, oh great so he got is first kiss and it was with some nobhead, erlack some nobhead that is male! Ron shuddered again, he was probably scarred for life, and he really needed to go scrub his mouth. He found himself shut way in the girls bathroom scrubbing his lips a bit later, they were beginning to go a bit numb, but he still wasn't sure that they where completely decontaminated. After one started to bleed he decided that they had been scrubbed enough and decided to brush is teeth, just for good measure.

That's when Ginny found him; as if his evening hadn't been traumatic enough he was now being dug out from the bathroom by his sister, Parvati and Lavender.

"Oh my god! Ginny just told us you had a date with Victor and that is why you and Ron had a row!" Lavender squealed.

"How did it go? Oh, this is so exiting!" Parvati said bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"You know what this calls for girls?" Lavender said grinning from ear to ear.

"Sleepover! You can tell us all the details you have to see the new eye shadow I got it is simply to die for!"

"Don't forget pedicures and makeup; Hermione we could give you a whole new look!"

"I just got the latest issue of _Witches Weekly_, they have this whole article on Eric Jr. I can't believe he is so hot," Ginny put in.

"Ginny you must show us, I completely lost my copy," Lavender said.

"I will be back in just a second, I got to get _Witches Weekly_ and grab my nighty," Ginny said darting from the room. Ginny was smirking like some mad hatter; Ron was in for the ride of his life. Besides torturing her brother, Ginny was going to casually drop that Hermione fancied him. Ron, who was a little slow at processing, began to realized that he was going to be with three girls getting a makeover and gossiping about guys which frankly scared him more than trying to fight a dragon bare handed.

"I am back," Ginny yelled jumping on to the only bed that was not completely surrounded with pictures, posters, and news clippings of buff men, and instead was barricaded with books and bits of parchment.

"So Hermione what happened on this date?" Lavender said as she brushed her hair.

"Ummmmm well first we met at the Quidditch field, and then we had a picnic over by the lake, and then we talked." Ron said trying not to remember the scarring incident.

"Hermione you seem downcast, I think you need a total make over, and then we can get down to all the details!" Parvati said dragging over a large box, Lavender and Ginny joined her.

"Girls I will do the hair, I just learned this new straightening charm," Ginny said trying to remove Hermione's hair tie.

"Ok, so was it Romantic?"

"Did you get a kiss?"

"It saw …err…. I …err… he…um… he kissed me," Ron gulped.

"Awww," "Is he a good kisser?" "What did you do?" "How far did you get?" chorused Lavender and Parvati, as Ginny held back her laughter for what seemed the hundredth time that day.

"Definitely not a good kisser," Ron shuddered.

"Poor Hermione, tell us how it happened."

"Well… the sun was just setting, and he asked if I would date him ("that's so sweet"), and I told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship. Then he just starts kissing me. He had no right! So I got up and left him," Ron said heatedly.

"I bet Ron is a better kisser," Parvati said, somewhat out of the blue. Ron skyrocketed out of his chair as Ginny finally got Hermione's hair tie untangled and the hair went everywhere. Everyone was quite astounded by Hermione's sudden movement.

"What? I am just curious. I know that you guys also want to know," Parvati said.

"I will pass on that," Ginny snorted.

"Of course Ron is a better kisser," Ron said, Krum's kissing was bloody disgusting.

"Hermione, how do you know, did you kiss him?" Lavender said, her eyes going wide.

"No!" Ron said hastily.

"But she wants too," Ginny added with a smirk. Then covering her mouth as though see has let some big secret slip she said, "Hermione, I am so sorry I forgot they didn't know that you fancied him." Ron eyes widened to the size of galleons, his former best mate, head girl, smartest person in the entire school, whose body he was stuck in fancied him? What was the world coming to; after all she seemed to have taken no interest in him what so ever. Parvati and Lavender both gasped at the new gossip. Ginny then added, "Please don't tell anyone!"

"Its ok Hermione," Parvati said reddening, "I fancy him too, I mean who couldn't he is so built and I just want to run my hands through his hair." It was Ron's turn to turn red, who blushed like a schoolgirl.

"Erlack, this is my brother we are talking about here, and it is getting bloody disturbing. Can we please talk about someone else? Like that sexy Eric Jr.?"(Ron made a face)

"Ginny I have to see that article you were telling me about," Lavender said.

"Here it is," Ginny said throwing over a magazine and added, "Parvati where is that eye shadow I think it is time for us to make Hermione irresistible." Before Ron knew what was going on Ginny was trying to perform a hair-straightening spell, with only limited success and Parvati rapidly applied makeup to 'his' face. Soon Lavender joined in and began to do Hermione's nails.

"Hermione, you really have to take better care of your nails, their all chipped and chewed," Lavender exclaimed. When Ginny had finally finished with the hair, she began sifting through a closet and finally produced a rather skimpy outfit that they where all surprised Hermione even owned. In an hour the three girls had transformed 'Hermione' from a conservatively dressed, bushy haired, girl to a pin straight haired Barbie doll (N/A do they have Barbie's over in England?). The three pushed Ron in front of the mirror and his jaw dropped.

The mirror said, "Not quite your usual, but the red is your best color. Goes quite well with the foliage, NOT THAT I EVER GET TO SEE THE FALL FOLIAGE, BEING TRAPED IN THIS BATHROOM. I COULD HAVE BEEN A POKET MIRROR AND COULD HAVE RUN FREE AND WILD BUT NO I HAD TO BE HERE. TALK ABOUT A DEPRESSING LIFE I HAVENT EVEN SEEN A MALE IN 2 DECADES, NOT SINCE THEY PUT THAT BLOODY CHARM ON THE STEPS, BEFORE THEN AT LEAST I SAW A LAD ONCE IN A WHILE, LIKE THAT JAMES POTTER AND HIS FRIENDS ALWAYS CAME IN TO SAY HI TO GOOD OLD ME, BUT NOT ANY MORE, ONLY PEOPLE WHO COME IN WANT ME TO TELL THEM THAT THEY ARE THE FAIREST THING IN THE LAND. WELL DID IT EVER OCCURE TO THEM THAT THEY WEREN'T? I AM A MIRROR AND I HAVE FEELINGS YOU KNOW, AND STILL NO ONE TELLS ME I AM PRETTY!" said the mirror in a loud tearful voice as the sink drain under it started to gurgle and the mirror added in a melancholy voice," For dear sakes girl shut your mouth, your acting like you never saw a talking mirror!" Ron shut his mouth but was surprised to realize that he preferred Hermione's wholesome look.

"Hermione, want to go downstairs and see if you can pick up some lads," Parvati said, and Ron's jaw dropped once more. "Just kidding, just kidding, I already know you wont do it," Parvati grinned.

"Its Ginny's turn for a makeover now," Lavender exclaimed and so the night went on until the girls fell asleep (Ginny in a sleeping bag on the floor).

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Hermione, returned from the library, and her and Harry worked on homework together, for lack of something better to do. Hermione had decided that Ron couldn't have possibly liked her and that Ginny was just bantering on like she had been for the last few weeks about her and Ron fancying each other. However, Ginny had planted a seed of possibility in Hermione's that was subliminally taking root and growing.

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N/A- tear, tear, so sorry it took ages for me to write, but I have been busy and have now become ill. Too bad I don't own anyone in the story… then I would be rich and famous and wouldn't have to go to school. Sigh… my sense of humor is really dieing here I mean half of the chapter was me making fun of jabbering girls yes pretty lame I know. Although I do like the mirror, bit of a mix between the fat lady and Mertle I think I shall add more of her. Anyways I shall stop blabbering.

Reviewers-

B2bbrules3326- thank you I am flattered that you like my story! Sorry I have been lazy and haven't written, blame the schools! Just curious what is you favorite story I want to read!

Thehalfbloodprincess- well I guess this chapter can be a Christmas present then and the last one a very late Christmas present. I love that quote! I hate that Harry! You know Ron is a really great character…

Bhekie- Yay British slang what is not to love about it! I am glad you enjoyed the chapter, I hope you like this one.


	9. I Soot You Not!

Disclaimer- When I told Mr. Squirrel that he should stop boozing up on the nuts he just have me a fermented nut. Their so tasty that I almost forgot to add that I don't own anything or I would have had a lot of $$ to buy more fermented Nuts off the squirrel.

Chapter 9 

**In Which Ron and Hermione Learn About Quidditch**

**Or**

**I Soot You Not!**

_Hermione, returned from the library, and her and Harry worked on homework together, for lack of something better to do. Hermione had decided that Ron couldn't have possibly liked her and that Ginny was just bantering on like she had been for the last few weeks about her and Ron fancying each other. However, Ginny had planted a seed of possibility in Hermione's that was subliminally taking root and growing…_

A loud beeping noise sounded and Ron hit the alarm clock next to the bed. He rolled over again, trying to go back to sleep. He had, had the most scary dream last night; Hermione and him had switched bodies and he, the very respectable Ronald Weasley, had gone on a date with Krum, got made up by 3 giddy girls, while Hermione had humiliated him on the Quidditch pitch. Ron couldn't remember why the darn clock had go off either. It was the weekend and he wanted to sleep. Ron's eyes flew open as the alarm went off again; he grabbed the clock and sent it flying into the hall. Then he realized that he hadn't been dreaming and began banging his head against the bedpost. In unison, Parvati and Lavender's bed curtains pulled back to reveal two girls that Ron didn't think he had ever seen before, but just turned out to be Parvati and Lavender before they had applied their makeup.

"Hermione, what is wrong with you? It is 5:40 in the morning, I need my beauty sleep," howled Lavender.

"Can't argue that," Ron muttered as he got out of bed; he had to go teach Hermione to fly. He opened Hermione's closet trying to find something comfortable to wear. Eventually he found something and ran downstairs to get Hermione, as the alarm clock went off again. Ron hexed the clock and turned it into a small pile of soot on the third step from the bottom of the Gryffindor girl's staircase.

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Hermione groaned, someone was prodding her, but her internal clock told her that it was way to early for breakfast.

"Wakey, wakey!" called a high-pitched voice from somewhere above her. Hermione declared, when she finally did get out of bed, she would have to kill Lavender for being so annoying. She was surprised that Lavender could even have such a high voice. "Up and at'em, the day is young Hermione," said the positively annoying voice.

"It's too early, go away," Hermione croaked. For some reason her voice seemed deeper than normal, but she guessed it was because it was so early.

"Look, I know that being in my bed is hard to resist, but lets go," said the voice causing Hermione to sit straight upright. Her head collided with something very hard and a whap echoed throughout the dorm.

"Bloody hell, you've got to tell people when you sit up so erratically! I nearly had a concussion!" said Ron holding his head. The events of the day before flowed back into Hermione's head, as well as a throbbing sensation where her and Ron's heads had met.

"Don't you ever make a comment to me about being in your bed, you perverted prat," Hermione said hotly.

A very surprised Ron's said, "I didn't mean it like that! Now come on and get dressed, you have to learn how to play Quidditch," Ron continued, attempting to drag Hermione from the bed.

"Ok, ok I am getting up," proclaimed Hermione, "Just give me some time to brush my teeth and take a shower."

"Stop talking rubbish Hermione, you don't need a shower, and I don't own a tooth brush, wizards these days just do a cleaning charm," Ron said, as he picked up a Weasley jumper and a pair of trousers from the floor and threw then to Hermione, "Now put those on and we can go."

Hermione stared at him open mouthed, "Your hygiene habits are disgusting! Do you have any idea where those cloths have been!?"

"Not really, but I washed them a week ago, so they can't be that dirty," Ron said offhandedly, but it was apparently not the response Hermione wanted to hear because she was looking very dangerous again.

"Well, I am not wearing it," she said crossing her hands over her chest, and began to ramble angrily, "And don't expect me to not take a shower either because-"

"-Calm down, you can take a shower after our practice. There is no point in taking it before and umm here I know these clothes are clean," Ron interrupted desperately, not wanting the rest of his dorm mates to wake up and find Hermione's body here as he tossed something from his trunk at Hermione. She did the clothing change but remained very cross. There was a scuffling and then the curtain on Harry's bed opened.

"Ron, is that you?" Harry asked, squinting at his watch, but unable to make out much more without glasses.

"Err… Ya," Hermione said.

Then Ron added in as Ron like a voice as he could manage, "Harry I am going to borrow the keys to the Quidditch shed, ok?"

"Sure whatever, but what the hell are you doing up? Breakfast isn't for a few hours. Are you sick? You don't sound good," Harry said replacing the curtains in their original place.

"I am perfectly fine," Hermione said as she gave Ron an irritable look and picked up the sticky shed keys from inside a mug that was stacked atop a large pile of things that stunk, similarly to a dungbomb.

From behind the curtains, a half asleep Harry said, "If you're perfectly fine then why do you keep talking to yourself, I could have swor…n…th…at…zzzzzz."

"Close call," Hermione said, as she exited the dorm with Ron. They walled through the corridors of the sleeping castle and found themselves on the pitch. The sun was not yet up, but the sky had lightened a bit. Hermione had followed Ron to the Quidditch shed and Ron spent several minutes unlocking the shed (apparently the key did not like his new home in the mug and it's new coating of sticky goo because it seemed very reluctant to open the shed) and getting a broom and the practice balls.

"Hermione, mount your broom and do a loop. Then I can assess what needs working on," Ron said mounting his own broom and kicking off. Hermione straddled the broom and shoved both feet against the ground, falling sideways off the broom.

Ron put his head in his hands. "Hermione you don't even know how to mount a broom! I thought we went over this in first year!" Ron said in desperation.

"It's not my fault I forgot how to do it," Hermione said aggravated.

"Let me get this straight, you forgot something? You, Hermione Granger, who has never missed more than one question on a test, who remembers every little ity bity detail of every book she has ever read, can't remember how to do something as simple as mount a broom!?!?"

"That's a bit over the top! I missed 3 questions on a potions exam in 5th year."

"Oh, I am sure it was devastating," Ron said sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"It was. Do you have any idea how much extra credit it took to get my grade back up?"

"Whatever, ok lets just get back to flying," Ron said landing on the ground.

"Ok, ok."

"Follow my lead," Ron said as he remounted the broom slowly, so Hermione could see exactly how to do it. Hermione tried to follow Ron's example, but she wasn't as graceful.

"Ron, sitting like this is really hurting my … err… you know…" Hermione said uncomfortably turning red as her hair.

"There is not much you can do about that," Ron said, "No pain, no game."

"Isn't that lovely," Hermione said sarcastically shifting to try and get more comfortable.

"Ok, now that you have mounted the broom lift one foot up and give a light tap on the ground," Ron said ignoring Hermione's latest comment. Ron shot into the air followed by a wobbly Hermione, and they landed and repeated the movement for a good 20 minutes before Ron was satisfied with her take off.

"Now let's see how you flying is, do a few laps," Ron said.

"Do I have to? My bum's gone numb and I must have already gotten three splinters," Hermione complained.

"Look on the bright side Hermione! You don't have blister," Ron said clearly enjoying Hermione's torment. "Now I want to see some laps!" Hermione slowly wobbled her way around the pitch, close to the ground, much to Ron's discontent. "Hermione my grandmother could go faster than you, even on her ancient broom," Ron said raising his hands in fury.

"It is not my fault I am afraid of heights, and this broom doesn't seem safe at all," Hermione pouted.

"You have faced death eaters, Voldemort, trolls, and countless other horrific feats, but you don't want to hover more than a few feet above the ground? Hermione that is pathetic," Ron said a plot forming in his mind to get Hermione to move faster, he continued, "I bet you couldn't even catch me if I sat here for a whole hour."

"Ronald Weasley you have gone to far, you are only a yard away!"

"Oh really? Try and tag me," Ron said, letting Hermione almost tag him before zooming off across the pitch.

"Just you wait, I'll get you," screamed the infuriated Hermione tearing off after Ron at a speed she had never gone before. Ron looked behind him and grinned; it had worked, Hermione had forgotten about her flying fear because she was so angry with Ron. Hermione continued to chase Ron for the next half an hour before Ron landed followed by Hermione who landed very ungracefully and fell to the ground. She then crawled over to where Ron stood and tagged him.

Triumphantly she said, "Ronald, you have been bested! I tagged you."

"S'only cause I let you," Ron said, "So have you gotten over you fear of flying?"

Hermione gaped at Ron, "Oh, you are sly," she scowled.

"Well at any rate, I think you have earned a break, but tomorrow morning we will continue the training," Ron said.

From the ground Hermione said, "Will the torment ever end?"

"Not till you can play proper Quidditch," Ron said grabbing his and Hermione's broom and locking them in the shed. As he and Hermione made their way to the tower, Ron decided to ask Hermione a question that had been bothering him, "Hermione, is their anything I can do to these things to make them stop moving?" Ron said indicating his chest, "The whole time I was flying they here moving around like Bludgers, honestly their gonna knock someone out, and they keep getting in the way I swear they're about as big as quaffle!"

Hermione looked at them appalled, "MY BOOBS ARE NOT AS BIG AS QUAFFLES!"

"Hermione they aren't exactly snitches," Ron said. "Do you think I could shrink them?"

"DON'T TALK ABOUT MY BOOBS LIKE THEY ARE QUIDDITCH BALLS, AND DON'T TRY TO DO ANY MAGIC ON THEM. TRY WEARING A SPORTS BRA OR SOMTHING," Hermione screeched.

"What's a sports bra?" Ron inquired.

"I can't believe I am explaining this to a boy," Hermione mumbled. "A sports bra looks kind of like a tank top that's tight and stops below the breast," Hermione tried to explain, "It holds the breasts in place."

"Wait, do you mean the things in your drawer with the lacy knee guards?"

"THOSE AREN'T KNEE GUARDS," Hermione howled, completely red because Ron was talking about her undergarments.

"Well I guess they are the stretchy part for the slingshot then right," Ron said, very proud of his newfound brilliance.

"UHG! What would I do with slingshots? They are BRAS."

"Oh," there was a bit of silence and then Ron asked, "What are they for?"

"HAVE YOU LISTENED TO A WORD I SAID?"

"Ya," Ron said recalling the conversation, "So, these slingshot brazes hold your Quidditch balls in place?"

"Your hopeless, just make sure you wear one everywhere except to sleep," Hermione said stocking off to the girls dorm. When she put her foot on the first step it turned into a slide and she was flatted to the ground. When she looked up a pile of soot (her former alarm clock) landed on is face. She wiped her eyes and found her hands where black, aggravated and black headed Hermione ran up to boys dorm completely determined to take a shower as quick as possible.

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Ron figured that he still had loads of time before breakfast so he decided to take a shower. He realized that he should ask Hermione about the password for the head lounge and head bathrooms. Lavender, Parvati, and Ginny where still asleep and Ron crept into the bathroom in search of Hermione's bathing supplies. Ron pulled back the shower curtain and was faced with row after row of bottles, shampoos, conditioners, shaving creams, body washes, bubble baths, face washes, and other things. He observed soap bars, little floofy poofy things on sticks, washcloths, razors, sweet smelling balls, and colorful salts. It was rather scary actually, like an army of shower products ready to smother him into a pulp. What was he to do? He was just a simple boy with a bottle of shampoo and conditioner and a bar of soap. How could he live through this onslaught of bathing goods? Ron backed up against the wall, or rather a cabinet and the mirror.

"Watch where you are going! My surface was just cleaned; it took ages for the house elves to get the rust off after that leak over the summer, I don't want to get scuffed up again," the Mirror said, apparently in a little better mood than the day before.

"Sorry," Ron said. Sure, he was used to mirrors talking, but this one talked too much. Then he had another idea, "Do you know which of these shower things belong to me?"

"Course, your shampoo is Rachel, your conditioner is Mark, your body wash is Cicely, your razor is Pita, and your lufa is Ronald."

"Come again," Ron said startled.

"Well its not my fault that there is no one for me to talk to except the shower stuff. Besides you always seemed to like their names, especially Ronald," the mirror said more to itself.

"Would you mind pointing them out?' Ron asked.

"If I must," she sighed, "Rachel is the red head, with the adorable black writing on the brown background. Mark her twin, same spiting image and everything except he died his hair blue. Now Cicely is a bit shy, I think she is hiding behind George, the fit bubble bath, anyways she is all pink and smells of apples. Pita is on the shower rack; she has been hiding there, red with embarrassment since Margaret caught her snogging Joe. Ronald is the red lufa up on the hook, along with the honey colored Lufa I named after you, I think their may be something going on with them, if you don't mind me telling you," the Mirror said sounding very much like Lavender and Parvati gossiping the night before. Ron picked up the items that the mirror had indicated. He was slightly disturbed that Hermione's Lufa thingy was named after him but he figured that it was only because the mirror was in a right state of battiness.

"Thanks, but you didn't have to go all soap opera on me," Ron said exiting the bathroom.

"Soap opera? Nonsense! We haven't had a singing soap in the castle for ages! There was a frog that a girl had a few years back that was known to do a Irish jig from time to time, but a singing soap has never entered this bathroom!"

Ron looked around the dorm. Now where would Hermione keep her bathing suit? He sifted through all her drawers and looked through the closet, but he couldn't find it anywhere. Finally in exasperation he sat down on the bed, or rather what was on the bed. Crookshanks' claws sunk into Ron's legs and side so that the cat was attached to Ron's butt. Yowling, Ron stood and began scruffily dancing around the floor, trying to detach the cat. If you can imagine, it was quite a sight to behold 'Hermione' with a large furry cat latched onto her butt for dear life. Parvati and Lavender pulled back their bed hangings once more to see what the commotion was and Ginny rubbed her eyes as she sat up on the floor. The three were rolling with laughter for several minutes, tears glistening in their eyes.

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE DO SOMETHING! OW! GET THIS BLOODY CREATURE OFF MY BUTT BEFORE IT FALLS OFF! DO YOU SEE THAT BLOOD, I'M DIEING!" Ron screamed (lets face, it he is a drama queen).

"Calm down Hermione and lay down on your bed, we'll pry him off!" Ginny said through fits of giggles as she rolled on the ground. Ron lay on his stomach and Ginny began to remove the claws from Ron, as he moaned and cringed. Lavender and Parvati had to come over and help detach the cat. When it was finished Crookshanks was purring contently in the middle of the bed and Ron was rubbing he bum, muttering, "Darn cat, I won't be able to sit for weeks now."

"Its your fault for sitting on your cat," Lavender pointed out.

"You might want to go to Madam Pomfry. If a cat scratch gets infected I heard it is bad news," Parvati said looking at the gashes.

"I AM NOT LETTING POMFRY EXAMINE MY BUTT!" Ron said, jumping away from Parvati.

"Ok, ok it was just a suggestion. What were you doing up so early?" Parvati questioned.

"Er… getting an early start on homework," Ron said.

"Your crazy Hermione," Lavender said. Ron decided that he didn't want to get sucked into a repeat of last night so he decided to summon Hermione's bathing suit and hightail it out of there.

"Well I really must be going, got to take a shower before breakfast," Ron said, adding, "Accio bathing suit," A floral patterned something flew at him as he walked out the door. He traveled through corridors until he came to the prefects' bathroom. He tried to pull the door open but it wouldn't budge. Drat, Ron thought, someone got to the bathroom before me, I hope they don't take ages. Ron stood outside the bathroom (butt too sore to sit) and waited… and waited… and waited, but to no avail. To amuse himself, he began looking at the bath stuff. Frankly it was really boring. Then he noticed the bathing suit He was rather surprised. The few times he had seen Hermione in a bathing suit, it had been an extremely covering one, but this bathing suit surely wasn't. 'Uh, this looks like knickers and one of those knee guard thingies… what did she call them? Oh yeah, brazes,' Ron thought.

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Hermione was taking a bath in the prefects' bathroom, enjoying the luxurious bath after her horrible Quidditch morning. The one thing she wasn't enjoying however is the fact that the soot that had fallen on her face was not coming off, no mater how hard she scrubbed. She even tried a few cleaning charms she had learned from miss Weasley, but they didn't help. When she had finished with her bath a good hour after she had started she was still black faced. Reluctantly she decided that she had to leave and check the library for a solution to her black headedness. She peaked around the door to see if the coast was clear and came face to face with herself.

"What took you s- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BEAUTIFUL FACE?" Ron howled at her.

"I didn't do anything, that soot that fell on me when I went up the wrong staircase did this and it's all your fault."

"ALL MY FAULT? ALL MY FAULT! NO IT'S NOT! WHAT DID I DO?"

"I don't know, but I know it's your fault. I just know it!"

"THAT'S SO UNFAIR," Ron said, even though we all know it was his fault, and then he added, holding up the bathing suit, "Hermione what is _this_?"

"Stop acting like you have never seen a bathing suit," Hermione said.

"But, but its so revealing, you can't expect me to wear it. These Bludgers of yours will fall right out of it!"

"It's not my fault that I couldn't fit my regular bathing suit in my trunk with all my books! AND MY BOOBS ARE NOT BLUGERS!"

"Your right they're quaffle," Ron said ducking into the bathroom before Hermione could pulverize him.

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A/N- I got the most reviews ever for this chapter, so I was like I have to get out and write, write, write. I also thought it was time for a little humor, cause my chapters seem to be getting a little skimpy on it. Anyways my beta and sisters where just rolling when they read the Quidditch boob thing. Oh by the way I have walking pneumonia, and have been sick for 2 weeks, doesn't that suck. God you've got to love Ron! He really is great, and such a drama queen! And remember review because it reminds me to write, and give ideas for things that can happen cause Hermione seems to be getting off when it comes to horrible things happening (probably cause Ron has such funny reactions and I like to write him better).

Reviewers-

Prongs312- scold me all you want I will still think it is all bloody hilarious! And what about poor Hermione? Things are happening to her too. Yes Ginny knows they switched bodies. She was easedroping on them. Remember? Go read chapter 6 again!

Blake-Tori88- I am glad you thought it was funny. I was pretty sure that chapter was pretty lame when it came to comic relief, but I guess I was wrong which makes me super happy! I am glad you like the plot. I have some ideas for things that are happening in the future that are going to be funny, but I am not exactly sure where it will end, so it will be a mystery for all of us. We will just have to see where the creativity leads us! Ginny does make a good matchmaker, doesn't she?

Bhekie- yep, poor Ron, but I wouldn't torture him so much if it wasn't so fun! Besides I think he may get more, wanted kisses in the future.

B2bbrules3326- that's horrible, I hate it when stories get deleted. Glad you like the chap. I am honored.

Mental357- sigh, the mirror is great isn't it? I think I will make her an important part of the story. I also think she may be going through menopause. I am gonna have some fun with that. 


	10. Want Some Eggs?

Disclaimer: Mr. Squirrel is refusing to hand over any more nuts he said something about hiding them for the winter. I told him that tomorrow he wouldn't remember where he put them and he should just let me eat them but he told me squirrels never forget. I told him there was a difference between elephants and squirrels; he told me there wasn't. I told him he was delusional and that he couldn't even remember that I own the plot of this story. H told me tat I owned everything but the plot, I told him he was a nuttier and was wrong.

Chapter 10 

**In which we meet the Hermione beastie**

**Or**

**Want Some Eggs?**

_MY BOOBS ARE NOT BLUGERS!"_

"_Your right they're quaffles," Ron said ducking into the bathroom before Hermione could pulverize him…_

Ron thought that he was in for a quick shower, but he wasn't, which soon became apparent. Ron was washing his hair or rather Hermione's tangled mop, and he realized that Hermione's hair needed a lot more care than his own. It took ages for him to comb out all of the knots, and she had so much hair that it took much longer to rinse the suds and conditioner out of her hair. When he was done with the hair, he then washed the rest of his body and he winced several times as he touched the gashes left by the cat. Despite his fuss earlier about how Hermione's 'quaffles' wouldn't fit into the bathing suit, they fit quite nicely. When he had finished with the bath he did the cloth's changing charm. He noticed that his 'quaffles' were not moving around as much after putting on one of the bra, but the thing was uncomfortable.

He set off for breakfast after returning Hermione's army of bath goods. The Mirror had been bantering on about some other mirror named Eddie that tried to swindle her into getting married, but she had apparently pushed him off the wall. Ron had decided to ignore the mirror, because it was obviously not in its right mind. When he got to breakfast he began shoveling food into his mouth, Quidditch practice always made him hungry.

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Hermione had put back her shower stuff in Ron's room. "I'm surprised this room hasn't swallowed him whole," she muttered looking at the disgusting state of the 7th year boy's dorm. If Lavender and Parvati saw this, they would be turned off Gryffindor boys forever, Hermione was convinced. She then headed to the library; she didn't want anyone to catch sight of her before she had removed the soot. She flipped through Quick Cleaning Charms and Norton's Guide to Mess Removal but it wasn't much help. She realized that she couldn't think on an empty stomach, 'oh god I sound like Ron,' Hermione moaned in her head. She checked out Magical Mess Be Gone and headed to the great hall.

She plopped down next to Ron; there were only a few other people up. Ron had fallen asleep on his eggs much to Hermione's disgust.

She shook him awake and she said, "Can you please put at least some effort into making me not look like a complete idiot."

"Sorry, its just that the eggs looked so warm and comfortable and I was so tired," he said, groggily as his head traveled to the plate once more.

"I will not have you sleeping in your food while you're in my body," she said lifting his head up. Ron reluctantly sat upright and then brightened as he grabbed his fork and began eating again. Hermione looked at him sickened, "You just slept on them and now your eating them!"

"Yepth, I'm not aboot to waste a plate of perectly goof eggs. I men the warmth and everything!" Ron said mouth full of eggs.

"Perfectly good?! They're dirty; your hair is one of the dirtiest parts of your body and it was on them!"

"Come on Hermione don't get in a huff, I just washed my hair not an hour ago," Ron said realizing that he forgot to put syrup on his eggs, he grabbed a pitcher of syrup and put a generous amount on his plate.

"Well your going to have to wash the hair again, because you got eggs in it!"

"No I don'th, my hairm looks fine," Ron said as a bit of egg fell out of his mouth onto his shirt.

"Oh yes, you must be right I mean eggs in your hair that just spells stunning," Hermione said sarcastically.

"I knew you would come around. Want some eggs? They're really good," He said offering Hermione his plate of eggs and syrup.

"No thank you, that's disgusting. You're going to make yourself sick," Hermione said, face plastered in repulse.

"Whatum are you talk aboot it'sth delicious. And my stomachs madne of iron, if it canth take getting hit with one of Frewb's Bludgers, it camn takeg a bit of eggens and symrup," Ron said through gaps of shoveling food in his mouth.

"Well if you forgot, that's now my tummy you are talking about, and my stomach definitely can't take that much food," Hermione said pointing to her former, petit, stomach.

"I am sureth this tummg can hanble it," he said patting his tummy, "Besildes I am stillth hunnggry."

"Ron it takes 20 minutes for your stomach to register that is to full, now slow down before you take someone's eye out," Hermione scowled as Ron's fork narrowly missed her ear.

"No, hen I am hunggry I eatn, it's a Weasmey tradithtion and I am noter aboots to break it," Ron said defiantly as he hosed the table down with eggs and syrup from is mouth.

"I think I am going to be sick," Hermione said holding her stomach and her mouth.

"Nontense, you'ren the one mho has three ironing tummgy, rememfer," Ron said as he patted his former stomach with a syrup-covered hand.

"EWWWWWW. You ever heard of wiping your hands? And I do not understand what you are saying; I don't have three ironing stomachs!" Hermione said as she tried to dislodge the syrup from her shirt.

"I said the iron stomach not three ironing stomachs, gees Hermione learn how to speak English!" Ron said slowly pronouncing the words as though she were a baby who didn't understand. Then after shoveling more food into his mouth and spewing eggs everywhere he added, "Ad of courseth I have hearh of wippthing mym hands, what didn you thimk, my mob didn't teath me any table manthors or soonthing?"

"I surly couldn't tell; you act like some kind of caveman. All we need is an animal hide and no one would know the difference. We could go to a muggle scientist and proclaimed we found the missing link between humans and apes," Hermione said smugly.

Smiling Ron said dreamy voice, "I can see it now, (then adding in a deep reporterly voice) exclusive from the _Daily Prophet_ live at Hogwarts. Our favorite head girl has gone off her rocker folks, yes that right; she has gone back to the dark ages ("I don't think you know when the dark ages are, they're the medieval ages in Europe and I certainly haven't gone there!"). Here we are in her natural habitat interviewing her fellow classmates on this remarkable discovery. They say she has been eating all morning after reawakening on her eggs. I quote one of her classmate, 'she acts like a caveman. All we need is an animal hide and you couldn't tell the difference. We could take her to a muggle scientist and proclaim she is the missing link between human and ape.'" Ron said turning to Hermione and seeing the look on her face he added, "As we watch the beast herself notice how she glowers in rage at us. Oh do catch that on film; it will look lovely on the front cover. Notice the rage glowing in her eye, the beastly way she positions herself before she strikes, this is one nice specimen of a beast if I do say so myself. Come lets go interview her close up! Now remember what we learned from care of magical creatures, the Hermione Beast is highly dangerous and destructive! Much like a hippogriff you don't want to anger it. They are only found in the grounds of Hogwarts, and rarely leave their protective niche of the library. So this is a good time to examine the creature, when she does not have large books to throw at you! Now lets see what she has to say," Ron said flourishing the goblet he was pretending was a microphone in her direction.

Hermione took Magical Mess Be Gone and hit him on the head with it, "Oh hush, I am not 'dangerous and destructive' you're the one who can't eat without covering everyone less then a meter way from you with your dinner," she said as she picked off a bit of egg and added, "Now I am going to have to take another shower."

"Nonsense, haven't you heard of wiping your hands," Ron said with an eggy grin, "And besides your rack is what is so 'dangerous and destructive' it could clobber you to death! Why do guys call theses things racks anyway? They don't look like racks they're more like bloody shelves to catch any falling food. They're kind of growing on me. It's like having a third hand," Ron finished. He had realized how annoyed she got when he mentioned her boobs so he had decided to do it more often.

Hermione clenched her teeth in her mind she told herself, 'don't let him get the better of you, calm down, at least he isn't referring to them as Quidditch balls any more. What was that positive power thing that my mom was telling me about? Something like say how you feel not what you think the other person is.' Hermione took a deep breath and thought what she would say, before saying, "Ron you make me livid when you converse about my breast like they are inanimate matter that are not part of my body, but they are an extremely concealed part of my body and I desire you to cease discussion about my cleavage immediately."

Ron stared at her a piece of egg fell out of his mouth and then he said, "Bloody Hell, please don't scare me like that ever again. I look right scary when I say intelligent things, but with big words like you used I think the sight would be a worse shock then seeing…a grim."

Hermione could not help but laugh, maybe she should start thinking over what she said more often. She could dumfound people with her answers if she used really big words, but then people might think that she was being a know it all.

"Since I don't have a bib for you, I think it better I teach you proper table edict," Hermione pronounced.

"There is another one," Ron exclaimed putting his hand over his ears.

"Another what?"

"Another big word!"

"What big word? The longest I said was 6 letters long!"

"Well not big I guess but sophisticated. Oh no now I said one!"

"See Ron big, sophisticated, words aren't anything to be afraid if!"

"Yes it is, imagine if I came home saying things like, 'proper table edict,' Fred and George would tease me about being a prick for ages. They would say I am following Percy down the path of darkness."

"At least Percy didn't have to perform a cleaning charm every time he ate," Hermione said looking through her book to find a food removing charm. She pulled out her wand and said "edibilous" and the mess of eggs and syrup disappeared.

"Hey, your cleaning charm didn't get rid of the black stuff on that beautiful face of mine," Ron added, he couldn't have Hermione going around like that if everyone thought it was him.

"Everything I have tried hasn't worked, so I am just going to continue my research in the library."

"Continue, CONTINUE! WE HAVE A CRISIS ON OUR HANDS! YOU HAVE RECKED MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! WE NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL WING AND GET MADAM POMFRY'S MEDICAL HE LP! I MEAN IF THE HEAD OF OUR CLASS COULDEN'T FIX IT, WHO CAN? BETTER YET DUMBLEDORE, YES HE WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO!" Ron said gasping for breath. Several onlookers assumed that 'Hermione' was complaining about a bit of egg that was left on 'her' face after the cleaning charm and figured that it was just another row between Ron and Hermione.

"Calm down, calm down I have hardly checked the books. I am sure there is a perfectly logical reason why it didn't come off with the cleaning charms. There is no need to get Dumbledore or Pomfry," Hermione said hurriedly, after all, the library could solve anything.

"But… but my beautiful face has gone black. Such beauty, such grace, but it is gone at length," Ron said dramatically, wiping his brow.

"Honestly, have you ever thought of going into theater? You would probably make a killing in tragic romance," Hermione said and as an afterthought she added, "And I don't see what the loss is."

"Ok, so maybe I stole that line from a muggle film my dad made me watch (N/A I just made this bit up if you are wondering), but don't pretend you don't know what the loss is. The loss is my beautiful face and the grace and innocence that my face shows the world."

"That's a load of bullock if I ever did hear one. Personally I would be perfectly happy never seeing it again."

"Do you mind? It's like there has been a death in the family. Could you show a little sympathy?"

"That's it! Why am I even putting up with you? You're such a drama queen! Is it too much to ask for you to be serious occasionally?" Hermione said; she was fed up with Ron's temper tantrums, and boyish behavior.

Hermione got up and was about to leave when Ron grabbed her arm and said, "Hermione don't leave. I was just having a bit of fun, but could you please try and get rid of the blackness. Otherwise, you will get teased by Malfoy non stop and I don't want you to have to deal with him." (Ok, so maybe Ron was lying a bit here because he didn't want anyone to see his face. But lets let him get away with a lie for once.)

"Fine, I will stay, but only because I am hungry," Hermione said sitting down and poring a glass of pumpkin juice as Ron nibbled on a bit of toast. Hermione looked up at the staff table and noticed that Krum wasn't up yet. It probably would have gone unnoticed if it wasn't for the fact that Krum always walked into the great hall at 9 o'clock on a Sunday morning in red robes and said hello to her, without fail. Other mornings she would feel his gaze on her back, but today he was nowhere to be found. She was actually be rather pleased about this if it wasn't for the fact that she remembered that 'she' had met with him the day before. She turned to Ron who was now contently devouring a peach covered in chocolate sauce (N/A ok so I am running out of breakfast foods please don't shot me!). "Why isn't Victor up?"

"Musta had a lay-in," Ron said casually licking the chocolate off his fingers.

"Are you sure? Did you do something un-me-like when you met him yesterday?" Hermione questioned, "And would you mind using this napkin to wipe your hands, your table manors are simply barbaric."

"That's a waste of perfectly good chocolate sauce!" Ron said and then added, "I reacted just how you would have reacted in the situation."

"What situation?" Hermione said suspiciously narrowing her eyes. Ron told her about the 'date', however, when he got to the part about the kiss Hermione was less than thrilled.

"YOU DID WHAT?" Hermione screamed.

"I ran away of course. I am not about to be caught alone with a randy guy who just kissed me; think what he could have tried next," Ron said, obviously still scarred from the experience.

"Ron, do you not know anything about anything?" Hermione said exasperatedly. Krum probably hated her now. The fact was Krum really fancied her, but she didn't feel the same way. She thought Krum was a wonderful person and a great mate but she just didn't get that tingly blissful sensation that love caused from him. Hermione didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't want to lead him on at the same time. 'How could Ron do something so horribly cruel to Victor?' she wondered to herself.

She was brought out of her flurry of thought as Ron said, "Course I know things."

She put her head down and said, "That's not what I meant. Ron did it ever accurse to you to think about Victor's feelings? He probably hates me now."

"At least now he wont try to kiss me again. Do you have any idea how long I had to wash my lips?"

"I don't care how long you washed your lips, Ron! Victor understands me and we are mates, in a situation like that you can't just run off! Ron could you please take your egotistic heads out of the clouds for a second and think about the pain you caused someone I care about?" Hermione said angrily.

"Hermione, if you didn't realize mates don't snog each other," Ron said.

"He probably tried to kiss me because he fancies me and wanted to know if I fancied him back. You shouldn't have run away, what am I gonna do now?"

"Never talk to him again!" Ron said, he thought Krum was a menace to society after all.

"Big lot of help you are," Hermione said sarcastically. She was about to continue her frantic moaning when Harry, Ginny, and Jeff (N/A remember Jeff is the beater for Gryffindor) entered the great hall.

"… Anyways Kelp clams that we should stick wood eating spiders (N/A made these spiders up) in the Slytherin broom shed," Jeff continued.

"We can't do that, or my brother would flip when he was the size of those spiders," Ginny laughed, "but could you imagine the face of Malfoy when he saw his broom after the spider got at it, that would be wicked priceless."

"Maybe we should put some spider repellent on our shed," Harry said worriedly as they arrived on the opposite side of the table as Hermione and Ron. "What's wrong with Ron?" Harry inquired as he noticed 'Ron' with his head down.

"I am completely furious with that prat," 'Ron' said pointing to 'Hermione'.

"Why did you even ask? You already knew the answer," Jeff said.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Ron said, "it's not always my fault!"

"But most of the time it is," Ginny said grabbing some toast and buttering it.

"Perfect flying conditions, that should cheer you up," Jeff said fighting Ginny for the butter.

"Aw a perfect day to sit on a stick and get splinters in my arse," Hermione said in mock enthusiasm.

"Geeze someone really sat on his happiness, didn't they?" Ginny whispered to Harry. The owls began to swoop overhead with the mail. Pig landed in Hermione's pumpkin juice with a large splash. A leg with a letter attached was visible but nothing else. Ginny picked up the bird and removed the parchment. Pig shook himself off (much like a dog) covering everyone with pumpkin juice and landed in 'Hermione's' hair where he began making a nest.

"That bird is just about as hazardous as Ron when it comes to table manors," Harry said wiping juice off his face.

"Can someone do soothing about this bird," Ron inquired as he tried to get pig out of his hair. Pig only scrunched up smaller and dig deeper into the bushes mess of hair, trying to escape the hands and hide some toast in his new home. Ginny grabbed Pig after a bit of struggle and dried the bird off with her napkin before feeding it raisins from a near by bowl. Pig cooed happily as Ron tried to get the toast crumbs out of his hair. Jeff and Ginny began laughing at the strange noises Pig was making that strangely resembled the sound that a dieing llama might make.

"What's the letter say," Harry asked. Hermione opened the letter and read it allowed.

"_Dear ickle Ronickins, _

_Mum is having a cow ever since you and Ginny left for school. Every time we stop off at the burrow to do the laundry she keeps bantering on like a mad hatter about "all her babies growing up and left the nest." I swear its like she doesn't want us to have clean clothes or something, every time we come she just starts sobbing. Fred and I have been putting off doing laundry for two weeks, but we had to do it yesterday because we were down to the pink fairy knickers that Mum bought us last year and the orange elephant jumper Percy sent back on his birthday. (Just between you and me Fred had to wearing a dress we found in the back of his closet. Yes I know we are all very proud of him getting in touch with his feminine side, but you see what pain we are in.) Anyways back to the point, Fred and I don't know how to do our own laundry and we can't go back to the burrow again with mom in this state. Fred suggested getting dad to knock her up, but we don't really want to think about that plan. So we have written to ask you to see if you know how to wash cloths. Write soon._

_-George_

_PS. Come to Christmas and bring lots off people so we can survive mum._

_PPS. How is our legend holding up? _

_I have to go because Fred is about to find me and hex me for shrinking his nose. He is a little slower than unusual seeing as he is still stuck in the dress cause I shrunk that too! Anyways do send me a toilet seat if Pig can manage (and don't forget clothes washing instructions)."_

"Why did he write to Ron?" Ginny asked, "I don't think he even knows where the laundry is done."

Hermione didn't know much about how wizards do laundry so she decided to keep her mouth shut.

"I will write George, Ron," Ginny said, "besides I need to order some of their products."

"How is their business going?" Jeff asked, who saw the twins as something close to gods

because of their Quidditch talent.

"Fairly well I would say," Harry said, who had seen their business over the summer.

"The twins were working on a new product at the end of the summer but they wouldn't tell me what it was," Ginny said. Ron and Hermione hadn't really gotten into the conversation like Jeff, Ginny, and Harry. Ron was thinking about a way to remove the soot and Hermione was thinking about the pickle she had got herself into with Krum. Every one stopped talking and turned as Terry walked over to where they sat.

"Morning everyone," Terry said and then turned to Ron (who of course he thought was Hermione) and added, "Hermione, after the prefect meeting we should meet to talk about the Hogsmead visit because Dumbledore wants the plans finalized on his desk Monday." Ron looked like a deer caught in the headlight he looked over at Hermione who looked at Terry and shock her head yes as though to say that's what you should do.

"Yeah, sounds great where shall we meet," Ron stuttered.

"Head common room of course, I will get some snacks and bring my notes. But don't forget your notes because I ran out of parchment for the last 15 minutes of the last meeting."

"Sure no problem," Ron said very unsurely.

"Thanks Hermione, your such a doll," Terry said giving Ron a peck on the cheek before walking to the Ravenclaw table. Ron rubbed his cheek furiously. 'Why was Terry kissing 'Hermione' on the cheek?' Ron wondered. He sat blankly, thinking, as people chatted around him unaware of his current train of thought. Then it hit Ron like running into a hard brick wall, a very hard brick wall with concrete behind it.

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A/N- yes shoot me now! I know people don't like cliffhangers but I really wanted to write one! Anyways this chapter is a little random but I tried to stay on the plot and at least it is kind of long right. I was thrilled to get so many reviews it made my day. Sorry it took so long the post thins chapter because my comp is having major problems and my beta is being no count again. I wrote this chapter like weeks ago it gets very aggravating when she gets bored.

PS. DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!!

Reviewers-

Prongs312- Sorry dear Hannah, but I can't or they wouldn't learn their lesson. See the thing is they aren't going to suddenly jump onto each other and snog like no tomorrow cause that's not realistic. But don't worry they wont be in each other's bodies forever. 

B2bbrules3326- I am so glad you like that chapter. I thought it was a stroke of genius. I like the clueless Ron too he is so much funnier! And I will try and keep writing!

Original Mercedes Benz- glad you find this funny keep reviewing!

Ana Kate- Sorry it is hard to tell who is talking. I will try to make it less confusing but it is kind of hard! Cheerio!

BandChic13-sorry about the spelling. I will change it eventually when I have the time! Hope you enjoy!

Bhekie- sigh… your right they are adorable!

Fanglessphysco- thanks for reviewing! Now it is time for you to edit! Yay!

Mental357- delighted you like the soap opera. It was sad that the mirror didn't play such a big part in this chapter! But don't worry she will be back eventually!


	11. Weasly, Damsel in Distress

Disclaimer – I have solved my lack of fermented nuts problem, I am hiring a hit man. Or more precisely I have kicked the cat out of the house till he brings back the goods. It really isn't at all bad that the squirrel is going to die; it won't live long with these brain problems, like not knowing that I didn't own any of this.

Chapter 11 

**In Which Terry saves Ron from a knight in shining armor (or suit of armor same difference) **

**Or **

**Weasley, damsel in distress!**

_Ron rubbed his cheek furiously. 'Why was Terry kissing 'Hermione' on the cheek?' Ron wondered. He sat blankly, thinking, as people chatted around him unaware of his current train of though. Then it hit Ron like running into a hard brick wall, a very hard brick wall with concrete behind it._

To be exact the thing that hit him was not a brick wall but a raisin that was hurled from the beak of Pig who had been previously been choking on it. The raisin had canopied into his eye as Ginny had rescued the bird from choking to death.

Ron held his eye and cried, "Ginny do you mind, I value my sight!"

"Sorry," Ginny said annoyed and not at all sorry. Ron went back to rubbing his eye and got back to the matter he had been pondering. 'Now why would Terry be kissing 'Hermione' on the cheek?' Then a revolutionary idea hit him (like running into a brick wall, a very hand brick wall with concrete behind it.)

'Terry fancied Hermione; it was the only logical conclusion. That's why he was always around tutoring with her or having head meetings. That's why he is always hugging her and giving her smiles! How could I have been so stupid not to notice? Just great, another unworthy male specimen, which I have to chase off. This one would be much harder to, after all he has so many qualities that Hermione likes; smart, organized, ruggedly handsome. Wait a minute, where the bloody hell did that come from? I don't think Terry is ruggedly handsome! God this body is starting to get to me,' Ron thought angrily.

Hermione elbowed Ron in the ribs and whispered angry, "Do you mind making it so I don't look like I am constipated." Ron forced a fake smile.

"WHO STOLE MY BLOODY CHOCOLATE SAUSE," Ginny bellowed. Harry blushed and took the chocolate sauce from under the table and Hermione glared at Ginny for her use of bad words.

"Harry I thought you knew better than to get in-between a Weasley and their food," Jeff said, "I remember when I stepped on one of Ron's Chocolate Frogs once, he nearly chewed off my leg."

"I am in a highly reckless state when I don't have my morning chocolate," Ginny said with a smile as she sucked on the bottle of chocolate.

"How can you drink that straight?" Harry asked in amazement.

"It's in the genes," Ginny said proudly.

"Well I would love to watch Ginny get a sugar high, but there is a pick up game of Quidditch starting on the pitch in 20 minutes and I got to find my spare set of Quidditch robes. You guys want to join," Jeff said.

"Sure thing," Ginny said accidentally tipping her goblet of chocolate sauce on Pig. Who began rapidly flying around the room hooting unceremoniously and dripping chocolate on innocent bystanders. Harry nodded his consent to join the game and got up to leave.

Ron was about to say he was coming as well but Hermione stopped him with a glare and said, "Sorry, I would love to go, but I have to work on a project with Hermione." Harry gave Hermione a sympathetic look and ran off behind Ginny saying a quick good-bye.

"Why did you do that?" Ron pouted who wanted to be back on a broom and forget about his problems.

"Because I need to give you the notes so you can read up for the Hogsmead visit," Hermione said impatiently before dragging him out of the great hall.

"Hey, I wasn't finished eating," Ron complained, but Hermione would not hear it. They arrived at the prefect's common room and Hermione went to a suit of armor next to a pot of ferns.

"Eril, the password is the 28th at two," Hermione said and the suit of armor stood up and plunged his sword into the wall. Around the sword a hole expanded until it was big enough for two people to easily fit through and the edges where incrusted in gold. The suit of armor then got on a knee and put his hands atop his sword.

Eril, the suit of armor said, "Here you are lad."

"Wicked," Ron said, "How come you never showed me and Harry this place?"

"Ron I didn't want you bothering Terry. He is very busy with school work and I know how it is hard to find a quite place," Hermione said as they stepped into the room beyond as Ron scowled at the mention of Terry. It looked much like a Library; there were dark oak bookcases along three walls and a fireplace on the fourth. A there were a few squashy armchairs and love seats scatered around the room. Some coffee tables where scatered with parchment, ink, quills, and books and there was an easel next to a chair that was thick with words. Needless to say Ron could just in vision Hermione curled up on a couch with her nose in a books for countless hours in this room.

"What exactly is this place?" Ron said following Hermione to a door on the far side as the hole they had entered from disappeared.

"Head Common Room," Hermione said.

"Wow I never figured it would look like this," Ron said. They enter another smaller room containing a bed, desk, and some squashy poufs. Hermione went to the desk looking for something.

Ron sat down on the bed and said, "Is this your room? I thought you slept in the dorm with lavender and Parvati."

"This is also my room. I just prefer to sleep in my Gryffindor dorm, because it promotes House unity and it is closer to the library. Ah ha!" she said flourishing two very fat books in front of him.

"What's this?" Ron said curiously inspecting one of the books.

Hermione jumped onto the bed next to him and said, "This is my notes for prefect and Head meetings," she said pointing to one and then pointing to the other she said, "And this is my planer." Ron opened the planer and was Hermione handwriting covering the page completely. He read down a list on the left side of the page;

'_Monday-_

_Professor McGonagall birthday,_

_6:00- wake up/ get ready for day/ triple check assignments_

_7:00- Meet Ron and Harry for breakfast (make sure Ron remembered how to tie his tie) _

_8:00- Double Potions- turn in essay_

_11:00-Ancient Ruins- partners with Terry for group project on Chinese Dragons and muggle interpretations of them._

_12:00- Lunch (Retie Ron's tie)_

_12:10- Go to Library to double-check the properties of distinguishing Toeroot between Poisonous Bloodsucking Cacti_

_1:00- DADA- Question teacher on vampire most deadly characteristic, because of conflicting data in One Thousand House Hold Pluralists (Pages 1145 section 3)_

_2:00- Charms- test on appearance changing charms (emphases on color changing)_

_3:00- head meeting with Terry about new commentators for the Quidditch matches._

_4:00- tutoring Neville for the transfigurations test (Ron and Harry have Quidditch till 6:00)_

_5:30- Homework_

_6:00- Dinner_

_7:00- Homework (make sure Harry and Ron have started theirs)_

_8:00- Reread Ron's Transfigurations essay to make sure that he has the date's right_

_9:00- take shower and get ready for bed_

_9:45- Go to bed if homework is all done otherwise work on homework'_

Under this list there was a black space that Hermione had labeled Homework and a large group of random reminders and notes to herself such as 'reorganize desk' and 'uncurse angry biting loveseat in the common room.' Ron wondered if Hermione actually kept so many tabs on where he was and was actually always checking up on him to help with homework and whatnot.

"You can look at that later," Hermione said taking the planer way from Ron, "You need to read up on the notes from last time which are on these pages (she indicated the pages) and we still have to go over a few things that I wrote on this page with my general recommendations," Hermione said pointing to another page laden with writing. Then she continued to drone on and Ron lost interest in what she was saying and zoned out.

The next thing he knew Hermione was saying, "Ron, RON are you listening to a word I was saying?"

"What… oh yeah, course," Ron said earning a humph from Hermione.

"Well what's you answer?"

"Huh?" Ron said who had no clue what Hermione was talking about.

"Gees for the last time how can you live in such a mess, you room is more like a liter bin?"

"What'ya talking about my room is clean," Ron said ok so maybe there were a few clothes on the floor, but not it was still fairly tidy.

"The question is what are you talking about? Your room is latterly covered in junk, there must be piles of filth taller then me," Hermione said thinking that the room was more like a bear in wasteland of boys property.

"Now that's an exaggeration!" Ron said.

"Ok so maybe they are only up to my waist but still, you would think that a house elf had never step foot in the room," Hermione said is disgust, both at the state of the room and the fact that there where house elves in the castle.

"House elves haven't step foot in our room since the beginning of 6th year. After one of them got trapped under my bed and nearly starved to death they refused to step foot in the room. A pair of trousers that turned evil, because it had some of Neville plant puss on it, tied him up under the bed when the poor thing was trying to fold up the trousers. He was stuck under the bed for 3 days before I found him when I was looking for my Quidditch stuff," Ron said recalling the story with a laugh.

Hermione looked at him repulsed, "I can't believe you! The way you treat the elves is horrible."

"Hey I saved him from the trousers!" Ron said, who thought he was the hero of the story.

"UH!" Hermione said waving her hands madly around in the air and informed him angrily, "Well you may be able to live in your own filth, but I certainly cant."

"I guess you will just have to get started cleaning then," Ron said innocently.

Hermione got up from where she was sitting and said, "You better hope I don't get trapped under the bed or I will have your head."

"I take it I shouldn't go looking for you then," Ron said laughing at is own joke but Hermione didn't think it was that funny for some reason.

"Your impossible," she said getting to the door and adding, "And even though we are stuck in each others body don't expect _me_ to do your homework."

"Well don't expect me to do _yours_," He retorted.

She had exited the room before sticking her head back in and saying, "I guess you can stay here but don't touch anything, there is a method to the madness of all the paper ok."

"Ok," he answered annoyed.

"One more thing," she added ducking in for a second time, "Do you have any rubber gloves?" Ron has a funny look on his face and it was obvious that he didn't know what they were.

"I don't have a clue what tuber gloves are, but I think Harry's dragon hide gloves are under Dean's bed. Just look out, last time I went under his bed an enchanted shoe nearly took me out," Ron said flipping through Hermione's notes without actually reading them.

"What were you doing under his bed?" Hermione asked curiously.

"You don't want to know," Ron said grimacing at memory of how Ginny had chased him after he had given her last boyfriend pink hair and an accompanying purple mustache and scarlet eyebrows that grew so long the covered his eyes. He had tried to hide under Dean bed to escape Ginny's wrath, but the shoe had got the better of him and he had ended up with a black eye that he had to cover up with a bit of magic, but what Ginny did to him was definitely worse.

Hermione raised her eyebrows and was about to leave when Ron asked, "by the way what is the password; I can't remember it."

"Honestly it is easy to remember. It's the time we have our transfiguration exam, the 28th at two," Hermione said finally leaving.

Ron muttered something that sounded suspiciously like typical. His bum was really starting to hurt from sitting like this with all the cat scratches. He flopped over on his stomach on the bed the problem was his chest was squashed very uncomfortably. He rolled on his side, but that hurt the scratches even more. Eventually he lay on his stomach propped up with pillows and was very comfortable. He was really beginning to miss his old body, I mean sure it was nice to have boobs to catch food with, but they where always getting in the way. He had to jump up just to see over people's head. How did Hermione live like this it was pure hell?

Moreover, how did Hermione deal with boys hitting on her nonstop? He was a boy and he knew how boys hit on girls, but he just never before realized how humiliating and annoying it really was. He vowed to himself that he would never hit on a girl again, Mind you Ron wasn't exactly the type of guy to hit on girls; he had only done it a handful of times, but never the less he vowed not to hit on a girl again.

No boy that hit on Hermione deserved to even be in Hermione's presence. In fact in Ron's opinion no boy was at all worthy of wooing her all together: not Krum and not Terry. Ron was suddenly struck by he fact that he had no clue why his was thinking all these things, Hermione was his ex-best mate; he shouldn't be worried about guys going after her should he? He didn't know.

----------------

Harry and Jeff had shouldered their brooms and were heading to the pitch. It had taken longer then they had expected to get ready because Jeff's extra robes were found dancing with an extremely hideous pair of pink lacy robes to a sort of odd salsa music for some reason. It took ages for Harry and Jeff to catch and counter curse them. The wind had picked up since Ron and Hermione had been out and their robes were twisting to and fro in the gusts. When they arrived, there was already a small crowd clustered around the center of the pitch.

Harry immediately picked out Ginny in the crowd, not because of her uncannily fiery red hair but it seemed as though she glowed with some unnatural brightness that never ceased to catch his eye. Ginny was chatting happily with Collin as she pulled stray strands of her hair back to her ear as the wind continued to tug at it and play with them affectionately. Harry didn't know what to be madder at: the wind for getting to cress Ginny's body or Colleen for getting to bask in her happy presence. Ginny turned and her eyes flickered to Harry for a second leaving him breathless. He was afraid to blink; missing even one second seeing those beautiful eyes seemed almost too much to bear. She turned back to Collin and laughed at one of his jokes, Harry's insides did a nasty flip.

Harry was brought out of his Ginny based dazed as Jeff said, "Is everyone here?"

"I think so," said someone from the crowd.

"Who wants to be captains?" asked Dean.

"A few hands went up and they eventually decided on Tonya (A rather good 6th year Hufflepuff) and Mark (who was a 5th year Ravenclaw) as captions. They flipped a sickle to see who got first pick and Tonya came out victorious.

"I get potter," She proclaimed triumphantly, Harry smiled, he hadn't lost his touch.

"Harris," Mark countered.

"Wiggly."

"Weasley," Harry felt a dropping sensation as though he had just plunged into cold water; Ginny was on the other team. How would he ever be able to play now?

"McGill,"

"Tomas."

"Midland."

"Jordon."

"York."

"O'Brian."

"Poplar."

"Nathan."

"Crevey."

"Lord."

"Crabapple," As the last name was called the small first year Hufflepuff ran to Mark's side. The teams designated positions (Harry of course was seeker) and there were 4 chasers because of the size of the teams. Everyone was in the air in no time and Harry became apprehensive about having Ginny as his fellow seeker, He felt forebodingness spread over him; he crossed his fingers in hopes that he wouldn't go weak like he had a few years before during matches with Cho.

Tonya was an incredible chaser and the score was soon 60 to 10. Harry was having trouble concentrating on the score; his eyes seemed permanently transfixed on Ginny, whose eyes darted around the pitch looking for the Snitch. If Ginny were to try a wonske faint right now Harry was sure that he would fall for it. York set a Blugger at Harry who narrowly escaped it. He gave himself a mental kick; He had to get Ginny out of his head. Needless to say it didn't work.

"Nice work Dean," someone said the score was now 60 to 20 in Harry's favor, He noticed Ginny squinting her eyes as though trying to determine what she was seeing. She then crouched low into a dive; god she looked good on a broom. Harry wished she would just dive forever.

A little voice in the back of his head was mimicking what Tonya was saying, but it was hard to hear over the beating of his heart, "Harry, HARRY she has seen the snitch what are you doing just sitting there? Get you bloody arse down there now and win us the game."

Harry shook himself; he couldn't let Ginny get the snitch no matter how fit she looked on a broom. Harry shot off behind Ginny (much to Harry's content getting a very nice view of her fit toosh). With Ginny's head start, she could nearly grasp the golden ball. Three of her fingers touched the ball, Ginny's fingers began to tighten, Harry watched it all in slow motion; he was being bested in the thing he was best at. Suddenly a Bludger sent by Jeff charged headlong into Ginny's outstretched hand. Harry could hear the bone crack as Ginny lost her grip on the ball. Harry knew that should have been him, if only he had kept on his game Ginny wouldn't have gotten hurt. The snitch disappeared but Harry didn't care.

"Bloody hell," Ginny cursed, "that thing hurts more than having a flesh eating slug slowly devour you," Ginny said loudly followed by a long chain of colorful language that would have sent miss Weasley off her rocker if she had heard.

"Are you ok, Ginny?" Harry said hurriedly.

"Happy as a hippogriff," Ginny said sarcastically. Harry backed up; Ginny was a bit scary when she was angry (Although Harry couldn't help but notice how incredible she looked when she was raging in pain).

"I am so sorry Ginny," Jeff said flying over, "I never knew I had such good aim. I will take you to the hospital wing while the game finishes off."

"Thanks," Ginny said cradling her hand, "I have been worse off. Once George got me with a Blugger in the neck, I was in the bed for at least a week."

Jeff and Ginny left the field, and the game continued. Without Jeff, Harry's team was having a much harder time scoring. Dean had replaced Ginny as seeker, though so it seemed that Harry's team had a much better chance of winning. Harry couldn't keep his mind off of Ginny and he resolved to himself that he was going to just have to win the game quickly and see how Ginny was doing. Three minuets after that, he caught the snitch and the score stood at 210 to 40 in his favor.

--------------

Hermione stood at the entrance of 7th year Gryffindor boy's dorm surveying the mess like a cowboy in an old west shout out. She was armed with a mop and Windex (A/N Got to love that Windex) she had conjured out of 2 spoons (After all where are you going to find Windex in a magical place?). A gust of wind rattled the windows and tumbleweed rolled out from a pile of garbage and into another pile. 'Where did that come from?' Hermione thought.

Hermione decided to tackle each pile separately, starting with the piles closest to the door. Hermione organized things into piles and had an overflowing bag of things she deemed as trash. Hermione found an elastic inside an odd looking moldy poster; she threw away the poster but used the elastic to tie up her now red hair. Several times she had to go looking for new trash bags because they where filling up quite readily.

Hermione felt so much better cleaning; she always enjoyed get to throw away things away and purging life of unneeded stuff. Hermione worked diligently, retrieving the dragon hide gloves from under Dean's bed to protect her hands against some of the more dangerous looking things in the room. She had been forced to battle an unruly trainer that kept yodeling at the top of its lungs (A/N – do shoes even have lungs?), as well as a pair of trousers that tried to strangle her to death. It also took her a good 20 minuets to reform her leg with spells after stepping on a hairy looking shirt that had dissolved her leg up to the knee. But besides theses minor set backs, Hermione made a lot of progress.

She began to hum as she worked lost on thought. She really hadn't had a lot of time to think things out lately what with switching bodies with Ron and all. Ron's body was actually not so hard to be in apart from contently knocking her head into things like doorways because of how tall she was, always being hungry, and having a smudge of dirt on her nose. She was beginning to worry about ever getting out of his body; Dumbledore had said it would only last a mile and it had seriously been longer than that. She wondered if she could handle being trapped in this body much longer. If Ron were in her body still tomorrow, she knew her grades would drop and that couldn't happen.

But Ron would try his hardest to keep her grades up wouldn't he? What was she thinking this was Ron and they weren't even friends any more; he thought she was a know it all and would love to take her down to his level. After all he had already ruined her friendship with Krum. But even as she thought these thoughts, something seemed out of place. (I mean besides the room.)

-------------------

Ron was still lying on Hermione's bed lost in thought. As a very strange sensation came over him; he was full, not just full bloated. He hadn't remembered this feeling since it was his fifth birthday party where he had eaten the entire cake that was suppose to be for 40 people. Now like then he had a major stomachache. He refused to believe it was from breakfast because he wouldn't give Hermione another reason to gloat.

As Ron rubbed his stomach in pain he heard a loud banging noise from outside his room (ohhhhh what could it be it's such a big mystery!) Ron sat up to investigate just as Peeves floated into the room (hell yeah I can't believe I haven't added him yet!).

Now groaning, Ron thought furiously, ever since the twins had left peeves had taken upon himself to make up for their absence and had been blowing up more toilets and wrecking more priceless thing than ever before. He was holding a top hat that full to the brim with Easter eggs and from the smell of it they were half a year old at least. Peeves begin chucking them at Ron, who tried to escape. He reached the common room with Peeves on his tail and a lot of disgusting eggs on his back.

"AHHHHHHH," Ron screamed like a banshee, "HELP HELP HELP!!!!" Ron didn't know how to get out of the room because the hole he had entered from had disappeared. To Ron's luck the glimmering gold incrusted hole began to appear; Ron thanked Merlin and dove headlong through it colliding with something very hard.

"Hermione are you ok?" Said a voice above him. Ron Rubbed his knee where he had been hit as peeves flew off laughing mischievously, after pelting the other person with an egg.

"I think I am dieing," Ron said dramatically holding his knee and looking at who had asked him the question. Terry was looking worriedly at Ron as he crouched in front of Eril, whose sword Ron had jumped into.

Terry did a cleaning charm on himself and Ron before saying "I feared the worst when I heard you screams for help. Don't worry you aren't dieing it will only take a minute for Madam Pomfry to fix you up no worries. Here I will take you to her," He extended his arm. Ron looked at the arm evilly; no matter how hurt he was, he couldn't accept the help of Terry, not that little plotting Ragamuffin (got to love that word!!!). Ron ignored the hand and tried to stand up but he couldn't.

"Work you no good sticks, get up and do your job," Ron commanded his legs furiously.

"Hermione, the sword must have cut through some mussels. I will carry you."

Ron looked at him horrified; this boy really wanted to get in Hermione's trousers if he was willing to do the damsel-in-distress-carry-her-to-safety act. Ron would not be fooled though; he could just tell Terry had planed this all to happen, hurting someone to save them now that was low.

"Why can't you just levitate me," Ron said grinning devilishly. He had outthought this womanizer!

"Hermione are you ok? I could have sworn that you remember part 3 of _Hogwarts a History_ where they explain that if you are hurt in a doorway of the castle levitation spells wont work," Terry said with a somewhat puzzled expiration. Ron narrowed his eyes; this boy sure was cunning and a good actor too. Oh he would pay just you wait.

"What kind of prat made up that stupid spell?" Ron said grudgingly letting Terry pick him up wedding style and carry him.

Terry nearly dropped Ron and exclaimed, "You're talking about the most famous head master since Dumbledore! Sir Newton defeated the witch of the west who nearly destroyed all of Ireland. He put the spell on the thresholds because he met his wife by helping her to the hospital wind when she got hurt in the threshold of the great hall. When she died he cast the spell as a memorial to her. Hermione are you expending memory lost because we were just discussing him last week in Bins class."

Ron muttered something vulgar than no one could understand as Terry's muscular chest pressed up against Ron. Ron couldn't help but think that Terry was pretty damn crafty.

----------------

Ginny was sitting on a bed in the infirmary glancing over a Quidditch magazine that Jeff had lent her. Pomfry had given her some foul smelling blue jelly stuff to fix her hand, and she was feeling a lot better.

Ginny wasn't actually reading the magazine, but thinking about the Quidditch match. For a few fleeting seconds she had thought that she had finally beaten the, oh so famous Harry Potter, the boy she was crazily in love with. Not that he would ever care though, after all she was just his best mate's little sister who happened to be on his Quidditch team with him. It was his fault actually that Ginny nearly beat him; Ginny may have learned how to fly from her brothers, but she had learned her skills from Harry. She couldn't help it whenever he was flying she couldn't help but glue her eyes on him. Later she would mimic his movements; that's how she got so good. She actually hadn't watch him fly for a few years now, because she knew what he was about to do, possibly even before he did.

Ginny knew it was horrible, but Harry was her obsession. Ever since she had laid her eyes on him 7 years previous she had been so madly in love with him it was crazy. At first she had been rather open about her affection for Harry, but that hadn't worked. Then she had tried to forget about him completely and that hadn't worked either. Now she was at the point where she excepted that she was head over heals for him, but no matter what she wasn't going to give into her temptation, Harry had had his chance, and 6 long years of waiting had been enough for her, she was through with him; sure she couldn't help falling into his eyes, or dreaming about him every night but she knew she deserved more.

She remembered first year when she had spent the entire year writing about Harry in that journal. All the pain Tom had caused her was really Harry's fault for having her fall in love with him. She remembered the summer of second year when she had spent countless hours trying to make a lust potion only to have Fred drink it and try to snog George (ok so it was quite a laugh but still). She remembered third and fourth year as she watched Harry follow Cho around all starry eyed and how she had hated her. She remembered third year when she had gone to the ball with Neville in hopes that Harry might ask her for a dance, but that hadn't worked either.

She was tired of sitting on the sidelines waiting; she had given up. This year and all years forward she was determent to be an independent. She would beat Harry in everything for putting her through this torture after all when Ginny put her mind to something it was always done. Instead of focusing on her strangled love life she decided to devote her crafts to getting her brother and Hermione together, after all at least someone should be happy, if not her. She didn't see how they didn't see it; they were great mates and could read each other like a book. They were complete opposites, and you know what they say about opposites; they attract.

As if on cue to Ginny's thoughts, the doors sprang open to show Terry carrying 'Hermione'.

"Not another one! The things these kids do these days; you would think there was a race to die," Madam Pomfry squawked as Terry lay Ron down on the bed next to Ginny. Ginny was laughing inside her head again at yet another predicament Ron got himself into.

Terry stood off to the side watching as Pomfry bent low over 'Hermione' and prodded her knee, "Honey, does this hurt?"

"Of course it bloody does. If I was carried in here don't you think it would hurt! I need Medicine. I need drugs. Hurry, Hurry!" Ron said.

"Calm down dear girl, I can't diagnose the symptoms if you are flailing around like that," Madam Pomfry said slightly annoyed.

"SYMPTOMS!!!! THE SYMPTOMS ARE PAIN AND LOTS OF IT!!!" Ron howled.

"If you don't stop flailing and blabbering I am going to have to use a tranquilizer," She informed Ron who stopped moving and shut up immediately. Soon after, she came out with a bottle of foul pink liquid.

"This will clear you up in a jiffy," Pomfry explained soothingly, "There are 2 side effects, however. The first is your hair will turn random colors until the wound is completely healed and the second is that it may cause the painters to come a bit early."

"Whatever," Ron said, "Just give me the drugs." Ron took the pink liquid on one sip sputtering as it went down; it tasted like year old cheese (Don't ask how Ron knew what that tasted like). Ron was a bit confused what painters had to do with his current predicament. He could live with colored hair, after all he had to live with his crayon red hair since he was born, and frankly a change would be nice. Ron did hope, however, that Madam Pomfry was not talking in some subtle girl code like mum and Ginny always were. Knowing his luck they probably were; lets think, painters could mean… err… painters? …or… um… killer teddy bears… Ron never liked those killer teddy bears… yes, killer teddy bears might try and paint the walls with his blood… Ron would have to ask Hermione if she had any killer teddy bear repellent… perhaps it wasn't killer teddy bears… although it seemed rather likely didn't it… He hoped she hadn't meant spiders, but he had never met a spider that could paint so it seemed rather unlikely… it must be blokes… yeah there were tons of blokes that were painters… Ron gave himself a mental pat on the back, seeing as it was rather hard to actually do it because he was lying down.

Now as for the rest of the code, lets see 'come a bit early' what was that suppose to mean… He hoped it wasn't the synonym for cum she had been referring to; that was a bit disturbing… but no it couldn't be this girl code was probably a lot more cunning than that… Perhaps it meant that the teddy bears would be more attracted to his scent! … Wait a minute can teddy bears even smell things? … Oh, it must be that blokes would become attracted to his smell that was it! Most of them could smell after all… Perhaps Hermione could find him some bloke be gone because Ron didn't fancy guys trying to pick him up.

Harry raced into the infirmary; he had come straight from the game, and hadn't even bothered to store his broom in this dorm (He probably should have because at that exact moment Hermione was throwing away his prized toothpick collection in her rampage to clean the room, but he didn't).

"Ginny are you ok?" Harry said crouching down by Ginny's bed. Ron looked over, as he had not noticed Ginny in the room previous.

"I'm fine, after all I only broke a few fingers," Ginny said showing him her hand. Ron snorted, Ginny was always breaking bones, and a few fingers was nothing to what he was dealing with, after all he couldn't even walk.

Harry looked over at Ron and said, "Hi Hermione," Before turning to Ginny once more. Ron was flabbergasted; Harry was his best mate and all he said was 'hi' as he lay there mortally wounded.

"Is their anything I can do to ease the pain? Do you need an ice pack? A glass of water? Maybe an extra pillow?" Harry asked Ginny rapidly.

Ron said loudly, "I could use a pillow Harry."

Without looking up Harry said, "Can't you see I am busy Hermione? Could you just reach over to the next bed over and get one?"

Ron looked over at the next bed it was 10 feet away. 'Real smart Harry,' he thought venomously.

"Do you think you will be ready for the Quidditch game Saturday? We really need you," (and Harry really needed to look at her fit bottom) Harry said. Ginny's insides dropped; 'so that's what all this being nice was about was it Potter? You just want me to be there so you will win a bloody game of Quidditch? Huh, I will show you! To think for second that you might have been nice to me because you valued me as a person was to much to ask, huh, famous boy. Well you can't walk all over me any more!' Ginny thought vigorously. Her facial expression didn't change at all; she was unreadable.

"I don't know. " she said carefully like her words so that she sounded almost worried, "the pain has gone down, but I don't know if it will be mended enough to catch quaffles, after all it was my catching hand not my riding hand that was lingered." Harry continued to talk to Ginny who was smirking menacingly in her head about certain plans that she might use to get him back. Harry continued to worry about her wellbeing and fawn over her.

Terry had stood still until Harry so stupidly had told Ron to get a pillow himself, which obviously couldn't happen. Terry brought Ron a pillow before leaning down next to him so the other two couldn't hear what he was saying and whispered (rather to Ron's disgust as their faces were rather close), "I don't know why you even asked him for a pillow he is star struck by Ginny."

"Well his is my BEST MATE," Ron pointed out, "and what do you mean star struck?"

"He is head over heals for Ginny. Just look at his eyes."

Ron didn't believe a word of it but he looked over at Harry anyways. Harry happened to turn his head at the exact moment (convenient eh?) and he got a quick glance of his eyes. They were well…Green… and almond shaped… nothing new at any rate.

"He is not head over heals for her! Just because someone has green eyes doesn't mean they fancy Ginny," Ron said thinking that Terry was definitely a nutter.

"Hermione, don't look at the color, look deeper. Some say that eyes are the windows to one's sole. That look is unmistakably the look one has when they are in love. After all I should know, I wear it often," Terry said. Terry and Ron were only half a foot apart, Ron eyes bulged in surprise, as Terry stare at him trying to drive a point's home. Ron prayed to all the almighty powers of above (even the Muggle gods) that Terry was not about to kiss him. Terry's face loomed a few inches closer and his eyes closed…

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A/N- I know that you all are bout to kill me right now for writing cliffhangers again, but they are just so damn addicting. I shall make you a deal! 10 reviews before I get my next chapter out and it won't have a cliffy! And even if you like cliffies review anyways! I don't really know how much I like this chapter, but I figured I better write it cause I haven't mentioned Ginny and Harry lately and they are kind of important in the books (err evil Harry make him suffer!). Ok back to what I was saying… (I have no clue what I was saying)… I really should be studying for midterms at the moment but fanfiction is just too addictive! Oh yeah everyone should go check out my new C2 community, CAT POST (it rather lame I know)! Speaking of cats everyone should nibble their cat's ears because they are yummy! Yesterday I was looking at old stuff that I had written and I was cracking up like crazy cause I was reading a story I wrote in 4th grade and you have no idea how funny it is! Anyways I am laughing my ass off and no one is around so make me feel a little saner and REVIEW!! Oh this is my longest chapter; 15 pages I am oh impressed with myself! (Be sure to check out my disclaimers everyone; they have a little plot of their own)

Reviewers-

Midnight- I hope this is fast enough (I am a bit of a slow writer!) Please review again! (feel special you are on the top of my reply's)

Dwarfed Half Elf- I am glad you like they way I did the names, its really hard make it clear otherwise I think. I feel honored that you like my story, you didn't even complain about my cliffy!

b2bbrules3326- Sorry about the next cliffy but don't worry it's not really a plot thickener I just am writing it to be evil. I am such a sucker for Fred and George, I have been dieing to just go to the holidays and write them in cause they are just so funny! Hopefully this chapter will be as funny as the last (I was cracking up as I reread Ron's thoughts on painters in this chap! And Yay I updated!

Mental357- Sorry I don't write in the mirror, but I have big plans for her so stick around (like playing physiologist for Ron). I was thinking of writing in a gay mirror in the boy's bathroom just to liven Hermione's life up a bit. What do you think about that? Sorry about the Cliffy! (my sister was laughing when she read your whole list of updates, it was very cunning).

P.S My comp is still screwed up but at least now we know the problem so hopefully it will be fixed in the next week. So right now I am on an ancient I Mac (ok so maybe it really isn't ancient but my comp is much nicer) that I have to hare with my sisters so it takes a little longer to write. Anyways thanks for the concern.

hpchick13- pleased you like review again! (Yay someone thinks my rambling is funny! I better do more)


	12. What Cha Think Those Lips are for? Snogg...

Disclaimer- Fermented nuts are far too hard to come by and I felt sorry for the poor cat cause it's so snowy so I decided to eat some muffins instead. Frankly if you don't like muffin, especially the cheese kind, you're more of a nutter than Mr. Squirrel. At least you know that I didn't make up anything but the plot and a few delusional characters though.

Chapter 12 

**In Which the Head Girl Gets Drunk**

**Or**

What Cha Think Those Lips are for? Snogging? 

"_Hermione, don't look at the color, look deeper. Some say that eyes are the windows to one's soul. That look is unmistakably the look one has when they are in love. After all I should know, I wear it often," Terry said. Terry and Ron were only half a foot apart; Ron eyes bulged in surprise, as Terry stared at him trying to drive a point home. Ron prayed to all the almighty powers of above (even the Muggle gods) that Terry was not about to kiss him. Terry's face loomed a few inches closer and his eyes closed…_

Time slowed down for Ron as though the world wanted him to suffer for the longest time possible.

"LOOK A DUCK!" Ron screamed, pointed furiously out the window. Terry backed up from Ron and eyes flickered open in perhaps surprise. "Oh, you just missed it," Ron said with a smirk. He was feeling quite smitten with himself for thinking up such a great way to get out of the kiss. Now he didn't have to sell his soul to some muggle god in return for not getting kissed.

Terry said, with a somewhat displeased voice, as he rubbed his ear, "Gee, next time you have the sudden urge to point out random poultry, would you mind not shouting it in my ears? One second I am trying to readjust your pillow and then in the blink of an eye I have got temporarily deaf. Are you sure that there are only two side effects to these drugs?"

'Readjusting a pillow, a likely excuse, _not_. It wasn't a coincident that he had just happened to 'blink' as he lowered himself to 'readjust the pillow' after essentially confessing his undying love to Hermione. He definitely had, had anterior motives when he lowered himself, but he had been foiled again by the Amazing Ronald Weasley," Ron thought evilly.

"I quite agree with Mr. Boot, Miss. Granger, screaming like a banshee is definitely not a good idea; you are disrupting the patients," Madam Pomfry pointed out.

-

Hermione was deep into the bog of a year and a half worth of male's mess when she started to discover the darker side of Gryffindor males under Seamus' bed.

"Whoa," Hermione gasped in surprise as she turned what she thought was a Quidditch magazine over. A rather scantily dressed witch was winking at her from atop the cover showing off altogether too much cleavage. She threw the whole stack of dirty magazines into the trash.

"I don't think I will ever be able to look at that boy again," she muttered under her breath in disgust. After finding twenty other issues of _Witch's finest, _Hermione deduced that it might be best to go into the bathroom before she barfed on the carpet. There were quite a few towels draped over a something that was muttering loudly. She pulled off the towels and a large mirror was revealed.

"Thanks for rescuing me from those evil towels, and might I add that you are quite fit today," The mirror exclaimed.

"Thanks," Hermione scoffed, as she looked back at herself (or Ron's-self) that was sweaty and frazzled.

"The pony tail is quite becoming, but if you took off your shirt we would have a lot more to work with," the mirror informed her.

"Are you a male mirror or am I missing something?" Hermione asked who was becoming uncomfortable with the mirror hitting on her.

"If I were a female mirror, what would I be doing in the male bathroom? And even if there is a reason for a female mirror to be in here, you're definitely not missing anything. You package looks quite large, but if you are still worried we can remove your burdensome trousers and check it out," the mirror said in a seductive deep voice.

"I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!" Hermione wailed racing from the bathroom. She ran as far away from that horrid place as possible, well until she fell down the stairs. She landed on the bottom with a thud. She put one of Ron's large hands up to her lip before bringing it in front of her face; the fingertip was covered with a few droplets of blood. Her head sank to the ground and she began to sob, not from the pain so much as all the anxiety, anger, tension and fear that had built itself up since her fight with Ron.

'Why did I of all people have to get stuck Ron's body? He is a horrible person who… Was so horribly kind and funny that you couldn't help but to adore him… WHAT AM I SAYING?… He is a nasty womanizer who only cared about his sugar intake and his bloody broom! …Not that he didn't have a wonderful 'broom'… I am repulsed by myself! How could I think such a thing? It's all the fault of that horrid mirror, putting disgusting ideas into my head. AHHH! I really can't take much longer, just in the last twenty minutes I have been nearly murdered by a pile of clothes, come into close contact with pornographic magazines, and had a gay mirror try to get my cloths off…' Hermione thought as she sobbed loudly in the middle of the common room.

"What do you recon we do about him?" A fifth year whispered to a nearby first year.

"Donno, you tell me; you're the prefect," The first year whispered back.

"What makes you think I am a prefect HUH?"

"Well it couldn't possible be the prefect's badge on you robe could it?" the first year said, pointing to the badge that was right at eye level.

"Where is the Head Girl when you need her!" the prefect said marching of after throwing his hand in the air.

-

Harry had gotten the feeling that he was rather unwanted in the hospital wing when Pomfry informed him that if he did not stop taking up the already scarce space she would personally see to it that he was hoping around in a pink bunny suit for the reminder of the year. So for that reason he was found returning from the hospital wing broom in hand. When he entered the common room he noticed a small crowd was surrounding something (or someone). On further deduction he induced that it was Ron owing to the person's flaming red hair. Harry was extremely frightened; Ron wasn't the type to collapse bawling to the floor.

"What's up," Harry said very carefully to 'Ron'.

"It's all so unfair," the human lump sobbed. Yep this was very unlike Ron indeed. Harry wasn't sure what to do with Ron so he did the only sensible thing in this kind of situation.

"Wanna go fly," Harry asked. It obviously wasn't as sensible as Harry had previously thought; 'Ron' looked ready to kill.

"I DON'T WANT TO FLY, I DON'T WANT TO THROUGH STUPID BALLS AROUND IN THE AIR, AND I DON'T WANT TO BE DEVOURED BY YOUR ROOM!" Hermione shrieked.

"Ok, ok," Harry said. He hadn't had much experience with calming Ron down; he usually was just grumpy and moody, which required no real calming. Besides when it got really bad, Hermione was always there to save the day, being rather naturally good and comforting people. Why did they have to fight so much? It made life so much harder for him.

"Ahh, I can't stand this!" Hermione said marching out into the hall. Harry followed a few seconds after but had already lost her… or him… or whoever.

If there was one thing that can be said about Hogwarts it is when someone really wants to be alone, they are impossible to find. With all of Hogwarts' busy passages and trap doors that made it ever so easy to find places, it was still impossible for Harry to find Hermione. Hermione ran through the corridors, not sure where she was going. All she knew was that she felt very trapped.

Hermione had been running for several minutes, when she finally stopped at a cross road in the corridors. There she stood panting, when she noticed a very curious thing: a rather frazzled street sign stood in the middle of the corridor. One of the sign's pointed to the left and read Shrink Simmons. Hermione being the learned person she was decided to investigate this corridor, after all she had come to the realization that she needed a bit of professional help. Not far down the hall there was a door, or more precisely half a door. It was in fact no taller than midriff.

Hermione knocked on the door and was replied to by a voice from inside that said, "Come in."

She turned the doorknob and crawled inside. A fire dimly lit the room. A desk stood in the center and the room's occupant was faced away from Hermione so that all she could see was the topmost of his head behind the large chair.

"I… er…came here…. Um… you must be Shrink Simmons," Hermione said stumbling for words.

"Nah, I am surely not Shrink Simmons; I was just to lazy ter change the signs. Shrink Simmons is the midget who's office this use ter be, frankly he was a horrible decorator." the person in the chair told Hermione.

"Then who are you?" Hermione asked, now contemplating what she was doing here.

"Reckoned ye might ask that. Me name's uncle Moe-Joe," the person said swiveling around in his chair. Hermione was expecting a neatly combed man in a fitted suit like she had seen in many a light night movie, but she was mistaken. There sat a man dress in pirate's attire; he had gold hoops through his ears, long straight hair was partly covered with a green bandana and in his hand there was a large bottle of firewisky.

"Are you the SHRINK?" Hermione asked in amazement. She wasn't so sure she wanted professional help any more.

"Argh! Are you contemplating my professional talents! I will have ye know that I graduated second in pirate's academy and passed me psychology test by a point on the third time," Uncle Moe-Joe said as he swaggered with his bottle. "Take yer seat, I will if up all ye mental problems in a jiffy."

Hermione sat down unsure and said half to herself, "Where should I start?"

"Hush, I see everything," Moe-Joe said, as his eye that was not covered by a patch looked this way and that.

"If you see everything then why are you stuck in a midget's old office," Hermione said, obviously thinking Dumbledore was a nutter for letting a drunken pirate solve mental problem.

"Everything be me pet ferret! I only have one deadlight; how could I see everything?" Uncle Moe-Joe said defiantly.

"Aren't pirates supposed to have pet parrots not ferrets?"

"Shows just how much ye know about pirating! Parrots only live for a few months in this climate. Besides if ye are stuck on a ship for too long, ferret meat tastes loads better."

"I think I am going to be sick," Hermione said, repulsed at the idea of eating a pet.

"Matey, this be nothing. Ye try drinkin Rum while yer ships be thrown to the winds in the middle of a hoedown," Moe-Joe said slamming his fist down.

"Wait a tick," Hermione said suddenly coming to a realization, "If you are a pirate then where is your ship? Every proper pirate has to have a ship."

"Blimey, there be no such thing as a proper pirate, don't ye know that? As for me ship it's rigged up in the back," he said, pointing to a door. Hermione looked very skeptical, how could you fit an entire ship through a midget's door? "Don't be get'in any ideas going in there and raiding me treasure or ye will find ye innards on my cutlass. Now, why der ye be taken a visit to me office," Uncle Moe-Joe said putting on a pair of spectacles and doing his best to look serious. Obviously he failed, due to the fact that his glasses where over his eye patch. Now that he had asked outright what she was doing here, she wasn't sure how to explain being trapped in her ex-best friend's body.

"Er…"

"Nervous, eh? Here have some whisky, it helps loosen yer lips."

"You're a professional you can just go around offering students alcoholic beverages!"

"I can't? Well I recon I just did, so I can. Now drink up," Uncle Moe-Joe said pushing the bottle at her once more.

"I can't!"

"Yes ye can; what cha think those lips are for? Snogging? NO, there for getting ye liquor on."

"Your lips are made for consuming nutrients to keep the cells in your body energized and working properly!"

"Lad ye read to much. The answers are not in any book; it be in yer heart, out as sea. Now drink up or me might have to get the hands and have them hold ye while I pore it down that gullet of yers."

Hermione looked at the bottle, drinking was definitely against the rule, but then who would know? Even if someone did think she had been drinking they would think it was Ron not her. Timidly she took the bottle and raised it to her lips. It went down hot and made her sputter.

"There ye go, just a few more sips and we can get down to the grit of the matter."

Hermione took a few more sips. It didn't taste as bad as she had expected, in fact the aftertaste was just like butter beer. Hermione began to feel a bit woozy.

"That's enough, ye don't seem to be able to hold much liquor. Yer not a professional like me; back in the day I could drink 2 gallons of whisky and still walk in a straight line. Kids these days though, their parents just don't take to teaching them the fine art of drinking; it's a shame. Now what is yer predicament?"

"Well you see, I had this big fight with my best mate and now we aren't mates any more. He was terribly cruel! And then the next morning we woke up in each other's bodies. Since then things have just gone downhill. I don't think I can handle it much longer. I mean what if I am stuck in this body forever?" Hermione said, the fire whisky had really loosened her up and her mouth seemed to be moving without her control. Moe-Joe just sat there as though he had heard the story 100 times.

"No mortal danger? No ship racks? No sword duel? Can't ye give me a little better plot to work with here?"

"Here I am poring my soul out to you and all you tell me is that I don't have enough action?" Hermione fumed.

"Pretty much. Me father killed me mother and left me to fend for myself in the middle of the ocean on a plank of wood when I was five. I had to chew off my own leg of to survive," He said, pointing to a peg leg before continuing, "And look at me now, I am a squib trying to make a living as a psychologist who lives in a apartment where I cant even fit through the doors properly. Then here ye come with good mates, very smart, and ye still have ye leg so don't expect me to be sorry for ye."

"Well when you put it in that perspective my life doesn't look that bad," Hermione said in amazement.

"Ye right! What ye need to do is give an old lashing to whatever's getting in your way. Whip ye life back into shape. People can only control ye if ye let them; so next time this ex-mate tells ye to do something ye don't want to do, tell his to shove it up his arse. If ye are still stuck in his body forever, well at least ye got a good bone structure," Moe-Joe said, taking off the spectacles and putting his feet on the desk. Hermione was surprised to feel a lot lighter (and a bit tipsy).

"Thanks for your advise; I feel loads better," Hermione said standing up.

"Yer welcome. Please come again, bring the whole family, and don't forget to recommend me services to all yer mates!" He yelled behind Hermione as she exited, determined to set her life back on the right track.

-

Harry reentered the Hospital wing.

"Ok that's it; I told you to leave. Now it's time for the bunny suit!" Madam Pomfry howled.

"Sorry! I was just looking for Ron; he was really upset, and I thought he might have come to you," Harry panted. Ron hoped that Hermione wasn't making a fool of him. Just as soon as he was able to walk again, he was definitely going to give Hermione a word or two about embarrassing him in public.

"Why would she be in here? I am not a psychologist!" Pomfry said, who had a very short temper.

"We have a psychologist?" Harry said dumbstruck.

"Yes potter, why wouldn't we have one?" she said as though it was all common sense.

"Why didn't someone tell me this early? It could have saved me years of mental trauma!" Harry exclaimed.

"I wouldn't go that far. The Man's a nutter; he thinks he is a pirate, even sleeps in a rowboat and has very unorthodox methods. Just this week I had to give two first years' hangover potions because he got them drunk!" Pomfry exclaimed.

"Where can I find this shrink?" Harry asked; he had to find Ron.

"Sign to his office usually just appears when you need mental help. I don't think there is any other way to find him."

"Thanks anyways. Oh and Hermione, you do know your hair is blue right?" Harry said before leaving. Ron pulled a strand of curly hair in front of his face sure enough it was bright blue. He flopped back down on the bed hitting the scratches that had been given by the cat.

"OW, OW, OW!" He moaned.

"What is it?" Madam Pomfry said running over.

"Er, nothing…" Ron said not interested in Pomfry checking out his bottom, even if it was technically Hermione's. Ginny remembering the morning's incident began snickering loudly.

"Madam, Hermione here was attacked by a cat earlier this morning. We told her to come and see you but she wouldn't. It was pretty bad; she was flailing around and the cat was almost impossible to detach from her butt!" Ginny informed Pomfry. Ron sent Ginny a dangerous look.

Trying to maintain seriousness through the descriptions of Ron's morning activity, Pomfry declared, "Cat scratches are very bad if not treated carefully. Their are all sorts of things that can be transmitted, wizard grog, Toefelia-"

"I AM NOT HAVING MY BOTTOM EXAMINED!"

"Yes you are, it's standard procedure," Pomfry said pulling the bed hangings closed. Ginny heard a lot of screaming from behind the curtain for several minutes before the curtains pulled open again.

Pomfry exclaimed, "For the last time try and not sit on the cat, and then you wont go through this again. To think that you were made head girl with this attitude!" Ron rubbed his bottom involuntarily. Why did people always tell him things like that?

-

A/N- ok so the chap it a little short but I have been busy! Don't you love the psychologist, I do. I don't like this chapter much though… oh well… at least we got Hermione in a bit more. Anyways even though I did not get 10 reviews I decided to be nice and not leave a cliffhanger (praise me everyone). Next chapter will hopefully be very funny seeing as we have a drunk Hermione on our hands. EHEHEHEHEHEHE! But, I have been thinking about muffins for the last few days, even named my snowboard Senior Muffin, not that anyone is remotely interested or anything.

NOTICE! I think I may change the name and summery of this story. Any ideas? If not remember the summary and title may have changed. And don't lock me in any more bloody garages especially if you are my beta!

READ REVIEW AND ADD ME TO YOUR FAVORITS LIST! You know you want to click the button at the bottom of the page. It is calling you. It says press me press me. Bad things can happen when you don't listen to the button so press it and review!

Now to all you lovely people who listen to the button I praise you and reply to your reviews!

Bhekie- Ron got out of this last kiss, but will he get out of the next? Ohhh such anticipation! Yes I know I am such a psycho teasing everyone with a false kiss as a cliffhanger, but I can't help it! Ps. I am glad that you review I missed you on the last chapter.

Libby Bird- all I have to say is blame my beta, I am dyslexic it's not my fault! 

RainDateChick- I am thrilled that you like it (insert crazy victory dance here)! After all what fun is life if you can't be random! Review again!

Hjpchick- Yay no cliffy! I am glad you think my cliffhangers are worth it though. I added the gay mirror! What do you think of him? Thanks for the review and don't kill the Muffins! (Why I say this I have no clue)

b2bbrules3326- Bonjour! I am glad that you like Ron's thoughts (they are one of my personal favorites. They're a lot as fun as writing the psychologist in this chapter! As for the boy's dorm I have to think up more interesting things for her to find…(ideas would be great)… but I may have a few tricks still up my sleeve. Ps. Evil, evil people for deleting your story! And no cliffy yay!

Mental357- no cliffy yay, no 10 reviews tear, tear. What do you think of the gay mirror and Hermione fleeing in fright? I am glad you like the rest of my story, but the mirror are still pretty great. Review, review, review!

Fanglessphysco-  I am not happy at all you locked me in the bloody garage! And threw snowballs at me, you shall pay…_. hiss_


	13. PMSing

Disclaimer- MUFFIN, **Muffin,** MUFFIN, muffin, MUFFIN, muffin, _MUFFIN_, I swear I am going as crazy as the nutters who don't know that I don't own anything. All I can think about is muffins!

Chapter 13 

**In Which Ginny Hears Voices** (reminding you of Harry already isn't it?)

**Or**

**PMSing**

_Pomfry exclaimed, "For the last time try and not sit on the cat and then you wont go through this again. To think that you were made head girl with this attitude!" Ron rubbed his bottom involuntarily. Why did people always tell him things like that? …_

-

Ginny was let out of the hospital wing by lunch, but Pomfry told her not to use the hand much. Somehow Ginny convinced her to give her a medical excuse so that she wouldn't have to do her homework. Ron on the other hand wasn't having as much luck. Terry had insisted on bringing him his homework (or rather Hermione's) so now he actually had to get started. The only good thing that happened was Terry leaving for lunch.

On the other side of the castle things were a bit different. Harry had taken a shower (been harassed by the gay mirror who he had recovered) and then continued his search for 'Ron'. After checking the astronomy tower, the Quidditch pitch, and under Ron's bed, he finally found who he was looking for in the library. Hermione was sitting at her usual seat, furiously writing things down. When she looked up she was Harry standing in front of her.

"Just the person I was about to go looking for," Hermione said with a big smile. Harry was taken aback; last time 'Ron' had been balling his eyes out and now 'he' had a smile on that was threatening to swallow 'his' entire head.

"Ron are you ok?" Harry asked nervously sitting down.

"I will be just spiffy after I do a few things," She replied. Harry wasn't at all sure he liked the glimmer in 'Ron's' eyes.

"Er…ok?"

Hermione stacked her papers together and folded them into a pocket. "Come on Harry I am starving; lets go have lunch," she exclaimed dragging him out of the door. If anyone was wondering, the fast metabolism was really getting to Hermione, because she was always feeling hungry.

As they walked down to the great hall, Harry noticed that Ron was a bit off balance, but didn't comment on it. They took their favorite seats and began gorging themselves in food; well Hermione ate properly while gorging, of course.

Harry, who was feeling brave enough to broche the topic of midmorning, cleared his voice and he said, "So what was that about in the common room?"

Hermione swallowed her food and tried to think up an excuse, "Nothing, I was just…PMSing." Harry gave 'Ron' a very funny look; since when did Ron PMS?

"I mean… my male hormones where acting up!" Hermione said, trying to cover up her mistake.

"You could have just told me you didn't want to talk about it you know," Harry said angrily, telling that 'Ron' was holding something back.

"IT WAS MALE HORMONES!" Hermione protested, not liking that Harry was pushing the matter.

"Ron look I know that your male hormones DON'T make you cry in public. Just forget it, I am only your best mate," Harry said sarcastically stirring her pudding. Maybe it was her male hormones getting to her, maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was her therapy session, but Hermione didn't feel like hearing this kind of attitude from Harry at the moment. She of course was use to Harry being a little hormonally challenged since about 4th year and hadn't really said much on it, but now was different.

"That is it Harry! I am sick of it! You may be my best mate, but is still doesn't make it right for you to pry into personal matters when I am not willing," Hermione said slamming down her fork and walking out of the great hall. Draco Malfoy had a smirk on his face; so the trio was breaking up; very interesting, very interesting indeed.

-

Ron was moaning over the importance of newts tail in healing potions when the hospital wing doors flew open. (A/N ohhhh whoever could it be?) Parvati and Lavender raced in franticly.

"What is it now? Did you get another paper cut or did the stares tell you that you were going to die again?" Madam Pomfry said looking at the girls and seeing no gushing blood. From the looks of things, Ron wasn't the only one who the painters might visit soon.

"Worse! Lavender broke her NAIL!" Parvati said, horrified at Lavender's condition. Pomfry rolled her eyes and preformed a quick mending charm to the pink nail before sending them on their way. Ron sighed muttering something along the lines of, "Girls!"

Parvati and lavender got to the common room (presumably about attempting to fix up the color of Lavenders nail) when they saw none other than Ronald Weasley (or so they thought).

"Ohhhh, he looks so hot when he his angry!" Parvati whispered to lavender, pointing to 'Ron'.

"I think he did something with his look, I just can't figure out what," Lavender whispered back as the two girls went to one of the couches and picked up two magazines to hide behind while guy watching.

"Your right; I can't figure it out either, but his butt sure didn't change much," Parvati said leering over the magazine.

"Maybe it's the hair?" Lavender said sneaking a look.

"Or the way he dresses," Parvati piped in.

"Eh! He is looking at us!"

"I think he is coming over. Quick, is my makeup ok? Am I drooling too much? Oh what should I do? Should I flirt with him?" Parvati said anxiously.

"Yes. Yes. Yes." Lavender assured Parvati, "Now look busy."

"Have you two seen Ro… Hermione anywhere," Hermione said catching herself.

"Now why would you be looking for her?" Parvati said, fluttering her eyelashes at 'Ron'.

"I need to talk to her," Hermione said obliviously.

"You can talk to me," She said, fluttering her eyelashes again.

"Do you have something stuck in your eye?" Hermione said, noticing how many times she blinked.

"Only you," Parvati sighed.

"Er, anyways do you know where she is; I am kind of in a hurry," Hermione said now fully aware that she was being flirted with. Parvati realized that 'Ron' didn't understand her invitation, so she decided to call it quits.

"She's in the Hospital wing," Parvati said dejectedly. Hermione hoped that Ron hadn't managed to cut of too may of her limbs.

"Thanks," Hermione said as she looked at the two girls. Then she realized what they were 'reading', "By the way what are you doing reading that? I thought you weren't those kind of girls." Lavender looked down at the magazine that she hadn't actually looked at because of the entire boy stalking. A naked witch on a broom waved up at her, and the magazine was upside-down. Parvati and Lavender both threw the magazines away from them in disgust.

'Well that is certainly the last time I leave all the trash in the common room from my exfoliating of the boys dormitory,' Hermione thought to herself.

-

Ginny was up in her dorm, experiencing a delightful release from the imprisonment of the hospital wing. The rest of her dorm mates where elsewhere, so she could just hang around and didn't have to worry about bothering them; one thing that most people didn't know about Ginny was that she talked to herself. Sometimes she wondered whether she was a schizophrenic; this was one such time.

"Ginny I can't believe you are still falling for that idiot Harry Potter," one of her personalities told her.

"He is not the idiot you are. After all, I have already fallen for him; I cant help it now," she retorted.

"Honestly you expect me to believe that just because you had a thing for him for the last 6 years that you can let him move you around like a chest piece?"

"Are you blaming Harry for my broken wrist?"

"No I am blaming you for letting him distract you for those few seconds; it cost you the snitch."

"Oh your really nice. Lets just forget about the three bones I fractured."

"Yes, lets."

"I don't even know why I listen to you!"

"It's because I am so smart."

"Stop flattering yourself."

"I am flattering you too, hum, remember we are the same person."

"Shut up."

"If you insist!"

"…"

"Ok I am board lets go capture some muffins."

"I can't believe you sometimes!" Ginny said jumping out of bed. The other personality was about to retort, when she heard someone coming up the stairs. She listened to see who it was.

"Well that was about the most humiliating thing that has happened to me in my life," A muffled voice said.

"I don't know how we will live this down! I hope I haven't lost my chances with him," said another voice.

"We will be lucky if he even looks us in the eye ever again!" said the first voice.

"Yeah," said the second voice after a note she added, "What does he see in her anyways?"

"In who?" The first asked.

"In Hermione, I mean think about it; they go EVERYWHERE together. Even when they get in rows they're still all over each other! And when they aren't with each other, they are looking for each other," said the second angrily.

"You're right!" The first voice said as it dawned on her, "And she does fancy him, remember?"

"Why should he like her more than me? I mean I am prettier; she can't even do makeup and she has no dress style, what so ever. All she does is read. I bet she even learned to snog from a book!" the second said annoyed. The first snorted despite her mate's predicament.

"Can you imagine Hermione snogging a book?"

"That's not the point, there is just something not right. I mean well think about it; isn't it obviously that they like each other, but why aren't they going out?" the second said.

"Yeah and what about Krum and Hermione; who knows they may have done more than just kiss," said the first.

"You right, there is something very fishy going on and I am determined to get to the bottom of it, or my name is not Parvati Weasley," said Parvati.

"Parvati your last name isn't Weasley," Lavender pointed out.

"Don't worry it will be soon, just as soon as we find out what's going on," Parvati said.

"Oh this is so exiting; its like a murder mystery," Lavender squealed.

"Except there has been no murder," Parvati pointed out.

"Oh," Lavender said, "Maybe there will be one later."

The two girls closed the door and Ginny was tempted to go get an extendable ear, but decided against it. She was now faced with a predicament; she had to keep Hermione and Ron's identities safe so that she could play with their mines, but those evil two were on there trail without even knowing it.

-

Hermione's search for Ron left her with a huge smile on her face; it wasn't because she was about to see the hottie of her dreams. She was smiling half because of just how drunk she was and the other half was because of her plot. When she entered the Hospital wing Pomfry was in the back. Ron had a textbook propped on his arm.

"What have you done to my body," She demanded.

"It's not my fault."

"Oh yeah right, you just 'accidentally' got my legs chopped off or something," she said.

"I doesn't matter whose fault it was. Could you get me out of this room before Terry gets back; he is driving me bonkers."

"Not until I set down some ground rules. I was in the library and I have devised a list of rules and regulations you must follow when you are in my body," she said, pulling out a piece of parchment. Ron read down the list, most were really reasonable such as brush your teath or no picking your nose, but when Ron got half way down the list he stopped abruptly.

"There is no way in hell that I am going to go to walk like a Women! DON'T I LOOK like a female? Wait don't answer that."

"Well you could walk like a caveman like you usually do, but then I might mistakenly ask Malfoy for a nice snog," Hermione said, a little too innocently.

"Ok, ok I will give into your evil demands," Ron said.

"Oh a few more things, first I don't want you to make a fool of me in class, so that means 2 hours of intense studying with me a day, or you can count on me passing whatever balls I ketch to Hufflepuff in the next match. Second, I will instruct you on proper table edict that you will implore when eating. Lastly, I want you to deliver this letter to Krum," she said handing over a letter. Ron grabbed it and read it aloud:

"Dear Victor,'

Wait don't you mean Vicky-poo? Let me just change this," Ron said fighting Hermione for her quill.

"Ron, where do you get those idiotic names?" Hermione said tiredly. Ron finally gave up on the correction and kept reading:

"I am sorry that I ran off like that last night. Truly I think you are a great person and enjoy spending time with you, but I will never like you the way you fancy me. I felt nothing in the kiss. I would like to still be friends if possible because I really value your friendship.

-Sincerely Hermione'

'Ohh, isn't that sweet?" Ron said, sarcastically, before adding, "Come on Hermione being all nice is no fun. If your going to smash the guys heart, (which you should of course) you should have at least added that he is duck footed and kisses like crap!"

"I feel sorry for the girl that dates you," Hermione said under her breath.

"Hey what's that suppose to mean?" Ron protested.

"Oh nothing," Hermione said with a menacing smile. "Now remember stay on task, after the prefects meeting we will start your studying."

"I can't, I have to meant with Ter… I mean oh good I'm free," Ron said.

"Your trying to get out of a head meeting, aren't you?" Hermione said suspiciously.

"Now where would you get that idea?"

"Ok, I will meet you an hour after the prefects meeting."

"NO YOU CANT LEAVE ME WITH HIM!"

"Watch me," Hermione said a bit more bitterly than intended. Ron's jaw dropped open, since when did Hermione act like this? "Now shut your mouth; I know I look extremely fit today, but that is no reason to stare like that," Hermione said walking off.

When she was in the corridor she finally realized what she had said to Ron she clasped her hand on her mouth in surprise. How had that popped out? More importantly why was she thinking it in the first place? But most importantly when had Ron's lips gotten so soft? She removed the hands that she had clapped against her (or technically Ron's) mouth. Perhaps drinking enough that you were still partly in control wasn't Hermione's best idea ever.

-

Truth be told Harry had never actually experienced the wrath of Hermione and it was quite alarming, even more so when he thought it was Ron. Harry had found that he was no longer hungry and pushed his pudding away before excusing himself. 'Why had Ron been so mean to him?' he wondered, in the corridor to the common room.

Harry raised his head, about to say the password, when Ginny came flying out of the portrait at top speed. She crashed headlong into Harry and knocked them both over. Ginny found herself pressed against Harry's body and quickly stood and straightened her skirt.

"Sorry, I didn't see you there," Ginny said, offering a hand to help Harry up while her face looked as though someone had colored it with red magic marker. Harry was having a very hard time thinking straight because the girl of his dreams had only moments before had her body tight against his. The lower regions of his body happened to not be fairing too well either. He took her hand and stood. (If you're wondering this is not going to turn out to be snogging in a closet, but then you already knew that wasn't my style.)

"It's ok; it was all my fault," Harry said.

"Don't be silly I am the one who ran into you," Ginny said taking the blame; she looked into Harry's face to make a point. She noted that there was something not quite right in his look. She, being the blunt person she was, said, "Is their something wrong?"

Harry began making a mental list; 'lets see, my best mates are fighting, one just blew up at me for no reason, everyone I love ends up dropping dead at my feet, and I am head over heals for a girl that just tackled me to the ground.' But instead of telling her this he said, "I am fine."

From the sort of dead sound of Harry's voice she could pick up that he was not telling the truth. After all, it is pretty easy to notice these kinds of things when you were a borderline stocker for a few years.

"Look I have some free time you want to talk?" She asked; after all Parvati and lavender hadn't even left their protective nitch of the girl's dormitory yet.

"Weren't you going somewhere?" Harry said.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you not to answer a question with a question?" Ginny said grabbing Harry's arm and pulling him back down the passage he had just went down.

"Where are we going?" Harry said now jogging to keep up with Ginny.

"A candle light dinner for two. I hope you are not frightened," Ginny joked.

Harry, catching on to the joke, said with a goofy smile, "You should have given me a fair warning, then I could have changed into my fancy robes." In Ginny's little daydream she had imagined Harry with a lose school tie over on un-tucked, half-buttoned school shirt; but robes were fine by her as well.

They came to a picture of a fruit bowl, which made Harry smile, Ginny noticed this and said, "Well you can't expect me to have a deep and meaningful conversation without my chocolate sauce, can you?"

-

A/N- it has been I while, exactly how long I don't know. Oh well. I had a wonderful weekend in the Adirondacks. Yay! I hope you liked this chapter, even though it is not my best work! It's not that funny either, oh well. At least it's fairly long by my standards. This is the longest story I have ever written. Did you know that? Well I am very impressed with myself at any rate. I have a bunch of h/w for this week that is evil and my sister has like major raging hormones. Anyways I am blabbering!

REVIEW you know you want to, and ADD ME TO YOUR FAVORITS LIST you know you want to do that too!

Reviewers- I love you all I got a lot of people adding my to there author alert list and reviewing which made me jump for joy! 8 reviews! Anyways we have passed the 50-review mark line, which makes me happy! But my sister still is getting more reviews (probably cause her story is twice as long but who knows)!

Fanficfan- your wish is my command; I shall continue! Thank you for reviewing it makes me all happy inside!

Phredtheflyingmonkey- happy dance; you like my story! I am glad that my story is unique I am always afraid that my story will just turn to a clone. !

sballLuvr5- score; another happy reviewer! I love that you think my story is funny. I try and I also try not to be too random because I am always random. I love stories where you just start cracking up for no reason; they make life good! I also happen to have a thing for pirates (hence the psychologist)! Ahhhhh life is good! Anyways here is the update! Ching, ching, Ohh that's so fun to say ching, ching, ching!

Bhekie- you should feel special! After all you are such a good reviewer! Glad you like the chapter. If you hadn't guessed my now I like ducks! Hehehehehehehe! Wow I really shouldn't be up; this really it does stuff to my brain! 

Elkat- thanks for reviewing! Here is the update. Glad you like el storio!

RainDateChick- Glad you feel loved. I think that anyone who takes the time to review deserves to get a response for his or her hard work, ya know! After all reviewers are very important parts of my writing process; you keep me going! Glad you like the chapter! Pleased that you liked my note… and frankly tired from not getting enough sleep!

Hjpchick- you like my gay mirror and pirate. Yay! I will have to add them more. Hermione was pretty funny I have to agree. I think I need to add more Ron soon. I have been giving him some slack cause all the bad things were happening to him. But he will be back soonish…. And so will Terry. I have big plans for Terry; they are very devious. I always enjoy devious plans. You are very smart to assume that there will be more problems. Thanks for the long review! And please review again!

Mental357- you are quite right about pirates and gay mirrors! I think drunken Hermione is quite funny! I think I may give her a hangover…. On another note I am still thinking about muffins and I love cheese muffins too (I don't know about blue muffins)! Two Fridays ago Senior Muffin and me went on a little adventure in the terrain park! It was mucho fun, except I really banged up my knees. I landed every jump but one and I got air on a few, and did some really high jumps. Now what I need to do is learn to do rails better because I am afraid of them all except the really short ones, which I still don't know how to land. Anyways, I am going to take another adventure on Wednesday so yay! Ok now I will stop boring you about me snowboard mate!

P.S. I agree garages are bad places to be lock inside, and so are outhouses, but we wont go into that.

REVIEW PEOPLE REVIEW.


	14. Jumping Black, Madam Glamour, Fair Silvi...

Disclaimer- my cat was stuck out on the roof last night; it was very sad; he was meowing his head off and he hasn't gone outside yet. Why he would want to is beyond me, after all the nutter chipmunk is out there and we all know about nutter chipmunks. Well if you don't, they are just like the nutter squires who think this is all original, but it isn't.

Chapter 14 In Which the Table Talks Or 

**Jumping Black, Madam Glamour, Fair Silvia, and Mr. W**

_They came to a picture of a fruit bowl, which made Harry smile, Ginny noticed this and said, "Well you can't expect me to have a deep and meaningful conversation without my chocolate sauce can you?"…_

Ginny and Harry entered the kitchen to find Dobby with an extremely offensive pink elephant sweater on and a kilt.

He squalled and ran to Harry, "Dobby missed young master Potter! He wondered when he would come back!"

"Nice to see you to," Harry said trying to remove the elf from his waist and sending Ginny a look that said this clearly wasn't one of her brightest ideas.

"Dobby is smitten with joy! Just last night he found a new sock," Dobby continued pulling up his kilt to reveal a purple and yellow poke-a-doted sock. Before continuing, "And who is this? A Weasley no doubt."

"I am Ginny," she said. Dobby detached himself from Harry.

"Nice to meet you!" Dobby said shaking her hand furiously. "You two look Hungry, I will set a table for Master Potter and Madam Potter."

"We are not," Harry exclaimed caught of guard.

"Hush, Dobby knows all he wont tell a sole!" He said, dragging the two to a table with a checkered tablecloth. They seated themselves and Dobby scooted off.

"Well at least he didn't get out candle," Harry said as candles appeared at the table.

"Well at least they are not lit," Ginny said in amazement as the candles lit.

"Well at least the lights aren't dim," Harry said in slight amusement as the lights suddenly dimmed.

"Well at least… at least we are not snogging each others lips off?" Ginny said questionably. A magnetic force suddenly brought their heads together, but not at the point they were hoping, their foreheads collided.

"Bloody hell! I think I am going to have a bruise for about a month. Madam Pomfry is going to kill me for getting injured again," Ginny exclaimed as a crashing of pots and pans came from the other side of the room. Both were beat red because of their close encounter. Ginny's thoughts were along the lines of where the hell did that line come from honestly. While Harry's were more like wow getting her injured twice in one day that sure says undying love for you; you are definitely in the running for stupidest boy in the world.

"Yes… err… anyways… nice weather isn't it?" Harry said; he surely deserved a pat on the back for subtleness didn't he.

"A bit windy but great conditions," Ginny said still ribbing her forehead, apparently Harry's scare was good for more than one thing; he now no longer felt pain in his forehead, isn't that nifty!

'Smart one really, Harry,' Harry thought to himself, 'that bloody wind gets more of her than you.'

But He was saved the awkwardness of telling Ginny this when the table began to speak (or so they thought), "Anyways now that we have established that Miss. Weasley wants to snog Mr. Potters socks right off him what would you like to eat?"

"A cup of warm chocolate sauce, some marshmallows, cookies, an empty mug, a bag of ice, and some bloody privacy," Ginny shouted. After all, she would never want to snog Harry Potter after 6 years of agonizing Potter created hell, would she? What am I saying? Of course, but she wouldn't give in to temptation that easy.

"Er… I will have what she is having," Harry said uneasily.

A house elf came from under the table, whom had a beard twice as long as himself, and walked away saying, "Nice choice, nice choice indeed. Butter up to the girl, why don't you. On second thought I will just bring a plate of margarine; butter is just not as safe as it use to be in the old days."

"Anyways what are your troubles?" Ginny said, who would be very happy if she never saw a bloody house elf again in her life.

Harry looked down at the table trying to think where to begin, so he decided to start at the end, "Me and Ron had a bit of a row today… well it wasn't even a row really; He just blew up on me."

"How exactly did he blow up at you?" Ginny inquired like a shrink.

"I asked him why he was crying in the common room and-"

"Wait s-he was crying in the common room?"

"Ya right before lunch, it was really bad; his broom didn't even have a positive effect. Anyways at first he said he was PMSing and then he said his hormones were acting up. And I could tell he wasn't telling the truth, ya know. But when I told him that he just yelled at me that I shouldn't pry into personal matters. I have never seen him like this."

"Ahhhhhhh," Ginny sighed loudly as if she had just made a realization.

"What?"

"Well I think my brother is going through a hard time right now, after his row with Hermione, and is therefore more unstable than usually, frankly that is a scary thought in itself. But any who, he may be trying to overcompensate for the fact that Hermione basically said he was vain and heartless. Perhaps without his realization he is trying to prove that what Hermione said was false, and when people ask what is wrong he tries to pretend nothing is happening; hence the hormones."

"But what about the whole PMS thing?"

"Hence the instability, he was probably thinking about why Hermione was so mean when you asked him what's wrong and the words just flopped out," Ginny said decidedly. Ron and Hermione owed her big for taking Harry off their tracks.

"I guess that might be true," Harry considered, "Well what do you recon I do?"

"I would treat him as if he were a sensitive person… like… like Hermione," Ginny said giving herself a mental round of applause; she was just to smart for her own good.

"Your meal," said the elf with the long beard. He produced a tray with a pitcher of chocolate sauce, ice, larger pink and white marshmallows, and some of those ridiculously pink cookies that they sell around Valentines Day. Harry eyed the cookies questionably, hoping that the elves hadn't got it into their head to add lust potion to the cookies, or he knew that he wouldn't be able to not snog Ginny.

Harry looked at Ginny, who was trying to cram as many marshmallows as possible into her mug, and his face began to take on the color of the cookies. It wasn't fair that she could just walk into the room and his brain would go to mush. He was seriously lucky he didn't have any classes with her or surely he would have failed them. Why did she have to look so beautiful with the candlelight flickering on her face making, her eyes dance, and the hair look like a hallow of fire? And why did this have to be is best mates sister anyways? Ron wasn't half as fit as Ginny, blood hell why was Harry thinking about Ron?

As Ginny shoved the marshmallows into the mug and covered them with chocolate sauce her two voices inside her head started up again.

'Ginny-poo I am back to haunt you. Now were did that bloody muffin go?'

'There were never any muffins to begin with and don't call me Ginny-poo!'

'You must have hit your head hard if you don't remember the muffin! Speaking of which why did you try and get that force to make you snog him. He doesn't deserve you, Snookums.'

'I can't help that his hair is just too sexy to resist and don't call me Snookums either.'

'Picky Picky, do you mind if I go throw up. This is the boy who has been mentally torturing you, not to mention your brothers best friend, and his hair looks like the boy didn't pick up a comb in his entire life.'

'For once you might be right; what am I doing with my brothers best friend in a romantic situation? There is no chance that he even likes me.'

'Now you're catching on. Lets give this Potter boy hell, why don't we?'

'That's a bit mean.'

'Fine ruin all the fun, you rabid chipmunk.'

"I am not a rabid chipmunk," Ginny exclaimed out loud.

"I never said you were," Harry said. 'But if you were you would be the hottest rabid chipmunk in the world' he added to himself. Ginny looked down afraid that Harry would think she was a nutter and never talk to her again and noticed that her wrist watch said 1:34.

She jumped up, "I totally lost track of time! Harry the prefect meeting is in a few minute and Hermione and Terry said they would start handing out detentions for people who are late."

"Bye Dobby," Ginny yelled as she levitated the plate of food in front of her.

"I will bring the plate back when I am done," was the last thing Ginny said as she barreled down the hall.

(A/N if you were wondering I was feeling really random when I wrote this!)

Meanwhile in the girls dormitory…

"Lavender have you seen any of my pink inked quills; you know it is the only color I can write important things down with," Parvati said searching under the bed.

"No, but I do have some pink lipstick you can use, it is a bit outdated anyways," Lavender said from the floor where she was giving herself a manicure. Parvati took the lipstick and grabbed some parchment.

"What shall we call are plan?"

"The Get Parvati Her Hottie Plottie," Lavender squealed.

"I like the ring already!" Parvati said jotting down the name on top.

"Now what shall our plan be?" Lavender asked.

"First I think we will need to dig up some dirt on Ron and Hermione. Find out who they have dated, why they broke up, and so forth."

"I don't think either of them have much of a dating record."

"Well there is the Yule ball for starters."

"True…"

"Perhaps we should go and talk to Krum and my sister."

"Very good idea, but your sister is on a date with that Ravenclaw bloke, and I think Krum may be out of the castle because he wasn't around for the last two meals."

"Which leaves Harry!"

"Harry? Did he date Hermione?"

"Remember that whole article Rita Skidder wrote; he has got to at least know something."

A smile spread over Parvati's face, "Lavender wasn't it just the other day that you said you thought that Harry was looking a little more fit than usual?"

"Well yes, he is fit, but I don't fancy him."

"What if you pretended to date him for a while; I am sure he has got loads of dirt. If nothing else, he is their best mate."

"I think I see where you are coming from…" Lavender said with a smirk to match Parvati, "and if nothing else he looks like a good snog."

"Where has that boy gone?" Parvati panted.

"Now lets see, if I were a world famous black haired boy where would I go?" Lavender said thoughtfully.

"Back to sleep, cause you would be dreaming," Parvati said a bit annoyed because she didn't like physical activity unless it was snogging.

"I know the Quidditch pitch!"

"Hun we already checked there twice."

"It's useless; I think we might as well go to the infirmary and get hot packs for all my muscles."

"That's it!" Parvati realized.

"He is hiding in the hot packs?"

"No silly, the infirmary. Hermione is in the infirmary, we can investigate her!"

"Won't that be a bit obvious if we just go up and start asking her questions?" Lavender wondered.

"I know! We can get disguises and pretend to be reporter!"

"Now where will we find them?" she said in thought, before they both yelled, "The Trunk!"

The two girls raced through the castle back to their rooms and began moving boxes from under the bed until they pulled out a pink trunk. The two girls opened it with giggles. And began pulling things out.

"I think we need code names!" Lavender exclaimed, trying on a pair of sunglasses and hat.

"You can be… Madam Glamour and I shall be the fair Silvia," Parvati said.

"Ok, but I am married to a world know Quidditch player who is very fit," Lavender said.

" In that case I live on an expensive estate with my boyfriend, who likes to walk around in the buff, and is named Ronald Weasley."

"Very nice, but we better just call him Mr. W or she might catch on."

"Right you are!"

"Which glasses should I wear? These red ones to complement my lips or the blue ones, those go with the scarf?"

"The blue ones defiantly," Parvati pronounced. The girls continued to alter their look until they came out with the final results. Lavender now had bright blue hair, sunglasses, a scarf and a whole lot of blue make up. They were acuminated by ridicules platform shoes, which raised her a whole foot in the air, a goofy blue robe and a ridicules pleather, blue handbag. Parvati on the other hand had managed to curl her hair and dye it red. In fact Parvati so much resembled Miss. Weasley you might think that she was her younger sister.

"Now why should we be asking Hermione these questions?" Lavender asked.

"She should have won something."

"Oh I know a date with a hot Quidditch player!"

"I don't know if she would go for this, how about a hot writer."

"It's just not as appealing," Lavender sighed.

"You're quite right, but lets think who is a hot writer?"

"Gildoroy Lockhart!" (A/N – I hope I spelled that right)

"I don't think she goes for the mentally challenged ones."

"We should just make up his name!"

"Your right she will never know!" Parvati agreed as they came to the door. The girls did a bit of preparation coughing, to clear their voices like actors do before acting, and than rushed in.

"Miss. Granger? Is there a Miss, Granger here?" lavender said, wielding her blue handbag like a crazy women.

Madam Pomfry ran to the commotion yelling, "Out, out, your distracting my patients!"

"Are you Miss, Granger? I thought she was younger," Lavender said, leaning over Pomfry, which was made possible due to her plat form shoes.

"No! Now out with you before I call the Headmaster!" she wailed.

"Nonsense we are hear to interview Miss. Granger on her winning of a date with the one and only Jumping Black," Parvati said barging past Pomfry.

"Jumping Black?" Pomfry said and was echoed by 'Hermione' saying, "What bloke am I dating now!"

"Jumping Black, you know, famous writer of Middleville biology. Wrote Swimming in Muggle Motes and How Not to Get Eaten by a Dragon if You Are a Fit Bloke. Second cousin of Serious Black five times removed. He is very hot, nice body, exquisite hair…" Parvati said counting off Ron's hot qualities.

"Oh that second one sounds interesting!" Pomfry said caught up in a moment of giddy girlishness.

"I am sure you can check it out in your library; it is a best seller," Lavender said.

Pomfry seemed quite startled by the prospect of leaving the Hospital wing, "Maybe I will order it," She concluded.

"Anyways we really must get this interview started; we only have two hours," Lavender said with a flurry of her pocket book.

"Just keep it down," Pomfry concluded. The two girls came close to Ron's bed as he crouched there in horror, unable to move.

"So does this new date remind you of any other past experiences," Parvati said.

"Any former flames?" Lavender said.

"Does this date bring a conflict with a current flame," Parvati exclaimed.

"Stay away I don't want any of this blasphemy. You have got the wrong person!" Ron said, backing up, his fingers held in a cross as if it would protect him.

"No, you must be Miss. Granger," Lavender said and as an afterthought she added in a quite voice, "You're not in the hospital wing for going mental are you?"

"I AM NOT MENTAL! I just had a bit of an accident!"

"No brain damage?" Parvati said starting to check 'her' head for bumps.

"I AM IN MY RIGHT MIND!" Ron nearly shouted; he did not like people he didn't know telling him he had brain issues.

"Look lady, if you are not interested in this writer hottie, then there is something seriously wrong with you," Parvati informed him.

"Not necessarily, I bet she has got it in for some one else," Lavender said with a squeal.

"Leave me along I want nothing to do with their kind!" Ron said, obviously referring to the male gender.

"He broke your heart didn't he," Parvati said trying to comprehend Ron's babble from a female point of view.

"No body broke my heart for Christ's sake!" Ron said. Geez, women were so confusing sometimes; it's like they are speaking their own bloody language! First Hermione told him in not so many words that she thought he looked dashing and now this lot of idiots.

"Feisty, is someone about to have their monthlies?" Lavender tutted. What the bloody hell was this rubbish? It wasn't as though he was a werewolf or something. But maybe Hermione was, maybe that's why she knew that Lupin was a werewolf. Had he been a friend with a werewolf all along? She always had seemed a bit …off around certain times of the month…. But then how would theses blubbering idiots know that? Maybe they were part of some werewolf clan. He would have to confront her about this problem, even though it would be hard to do. But then maybe these women were werewolves too; he had to escape. Perhaps he could fake faint… that probably wouldn't be the smartest… how about fake seizure. No that would be too hard with the bandages.

"Monthlies all right," Parvati confirmed, remembering that Hermione had been very bitchy around this time last month.

"Well we will leave you be. We will be back in a week to finish the interview. If you feel obliged to talk before then you can owl Madam Glamour at the national Quidditch association or Fair Silvia in the big estate with Mr. W," Lavender informed him.

"Good day," Parvati said before turning and grinding her teath. When they were in the hallway she whispered, "What were you thinking what if she writes to us?"

"That will be great then it will give us information, after all she is not a lot of help right now; she was just bitching about how she is perfectly sane when we all know that when monthlies come around Hermione is like a bloody cavewomen," Lavender said.

"Very bloody," Parvati agreed, "But if she writes, then the letters won't go to us!"

"I didn't realize that; oh how could I be so stupid?" Lavender said.

"Well I guess the only possible thing to do is intercept her mail," Parvati said.

Terry boot was leading the prefect meeting on account of 'Hermione' injuries. Hermione sat next to Ginny, who had rushed in, in the nick of time, with a large plate of sweets. She had shared a few of the cookies and was now content drinking her hot chocolate; on second thought it was more like eating because it was really just marshmallows with chocolate filed in the cracks.

Lets see on the agenda we have left… changes to the no snogging in closets rule… Hey who put that up!" Terry said.

"Well it is really quite ridiculous; why should people not be able to snog in the closets?" said a pretty sixth year prefect.

"Look we don't have the power to change school rules," Terry said trying to calm the group.

"I wouldn't mind snogging in a closet with him," commented a girl to Hermione's right.

Hermione tuned the voices out; this had to have been about the least productive meeting in Hogwarts history. She began picking at Ron's nails for lack of something better to do.

"Ron, Ron," Ginny said shaking Her, "The meetings over."

"Er… yes…" Hermione said. She got up to go back to the common Room; she still had hordes of work to finish and there was still the last bit of her plan to finish.

A/N be proud of me this is probably the fastest I will ever produce a chapter. I Promise next chapter there will be more Hermione and Ron, but I had to clear up a few things with other characters and all. I am debating whether the whole werewolf thing was a bit of overkill, but I think I shall keep it in just so I can have a bit of fun with it. I hope people like the chapter I have feeling this story is starting to get bad cause I haven't written a great chap since the whole blah with the pirate. On a happier note I got 9 reviews; it is an all time high, from now on I promise to write a really long chapter, if we break the current record. Also we have reached the 100-page mark (if you count review thanks and the spaces in-between)!

Reviewers-

Bhekie- don't worry you're not the only one who wants muffins…. The two chicks are at it again. I think I may have fun with it. Anyways I hope this chapter is better, although I don't really think it is but hey!

sballLuvr5- oh yay positive comments I feed off them. I agree Pirates rock! Johnny Depp is awesome and Steve the pirate from dodgeball. I stole the character in this story from a character my sister and me and up. It wasn't even stealing so much as borrowing for a long time and not giving it back. Anyways cheerio!

b2bbrules3326- Yay you liked it. I always like it when Hermione gets mad; it adds flavor! I hope you like this Parvati and lavender thing. They are just such idiots in my story sometimes that I make myself laugh. (And yay your back!)

b2bbrules3326- Ok you reviewed on two chapters so you get two replies (yay party!). I know how it is when it is hard to get on fan fiction, with school and all (Ger nash nah!). Anyways glad you thought it was funny. Half drunk Hermione is not as fun as I thought, but hey she is still drunk for a bit longer! Off to write the next chapter….

LilyTheBlonde- I am glad you like this story. I hope the last 8 chapters don't disappoint you. (But then how could the Pirate disappoint someone?) Have fun reading and hopefully reviewing again! 

Phillyactress- People say strange things when they are drunk, but I may have gone a little overboard. Then there are those times where people say strange things for no reason at all (aka me and muffins). Ok I am babbling when I should be writing! Glad for the positive reviews they make me all shiny inside! (wow that is a strange thought)

Greenrock- Yay comp; you got to review. I am sitting here in the Dark gloating about the fact that people like my plot. Hopefully this chapter is up to your expectations. Also I am flattered that you think I write it well! Please review again, if el comp will let you. (It really is sad how I got an A in Spanish last year and couldn't speak a work of it!) And el comp reminds me of this funny thing, but we wont go into that.

Mental357- hoot hoot! One of those rare good critics that aren't just telling me that I need to learn grammar. I really need to start writing the mirrors back in, but nobody needs too much counseling right now, well Ron does but he is stuck in the hospital wing so he can't go get it. Harry and Ginny… I think I may leave that be for a little while and kind of forget about them until Ron and Hermione switch back… which now that I think about it is a very long time… on another note raging hormones are hilarious! Well first of all, my sister has an entire set of them the size of México! But that doesn't have to do with the story. Anyways on Monday in the story I have very big plans for these hormones involving a certain Slitherin, but we won't get into that. 

P.S that makes two of us

READ, REVIEW, AND ADD ME TO YOUR FAVORITS


	15. Hormonally Driven Males

Disclaimer- you won't believe it till you see it; it appears that Mr. Squirrel (the crazy one who thought I made all the characters up and what not) fancies someone. He, however, has failed to realize that your mate can't be your gender, or for that matter, a different species. So really the poor thing is crawling up the wrong tree (or so to speak) when he is trying to get a male chipmunk in a pink bikini to fall for him. Frankly it serves him right for not giving up the fermented nuts. On more important matters my nut supplies are out, maybe I can get that male chipmunk to hook me up with some fermented nuts.

Chapter 15 

**In Which Neville Gets the Sweet 'n' Low**

**Or**

**Hormonally Driven Males**

"_Er… yes…" Hermione said. She got up to go back to the common Room; she still had hordes of work to finish and there was still the last bit of her plan to finish…_

Hermione was writing the last sentence of her essay when who should arrive but Dean and Seamus, who were returning from a game of exploding snaps in one of the courtyards. Well there was really no point in delaying Hermione's plan, after all she had thought of it this morning and the afternoon was already part way over. Hermione stood up and put one hand on her hip similarly to how a mother would rest her hands if she were cross with a child. The look at a whole was less than appealing; her feminine pose looked so out of place in Ron's body and she still had black smudges all over her face.

"Do you know where Neville is?" Hermione asked with a little more of an edge to her voice than normal.

"Common room. Geez Ron, what has gotten into you? You're acting like such a prat," Seamus informed Hermione.

"Acting like a prat am I? Well maybe it is because I am living in human waste!" Hermione said. She wanted to just grab her tongue and cut if off at the moment; she knew that yelling at people wouldn't get their room clean.

"Are you calling my broom model human waste?" Seamus said pointing to what looked like straws held together with gum.

"YES!"

"Well it's not! You tell him Dean!" Seamus howled. Both heads swiveled to Dean who was beginning to know what a dear caught in headlights felt like. He looked over at the 'broom' that had decided just at the moment to break in half. "Oh, look what you have done now! All that pressure you have put it under has made it fall apart."

"Don't blame YOU'RE bad craftsmanship on me!" Hermione screeched.

"You know, now that I look at it, it kind of reminds me of your fathers foot, Seamus," Dean said. "See there is the boil that was made when he was attacked by your knickers and there-"

"DEAN YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY KNICKERS! Real best friend you are; next time I bet you will just start telling some random stranger how you found me snogging a bear in my mothers bra!" Seamus howled.

"I don't know why you are blaming ME because you can't keep your mouth closed. Like that one time when you caught me with Blare making out on your bed and you just happened to mention how far you had gotten with her sister on that bed. I was this close to getting her shirt off and you just ruined the moment!" Dean said, indication a millimeter with his fingers. It was all really too much for Hermione and so she did what girls do best in this kind of situation, she had a giggle attack. Dean and Seamus stopped bickering and looked at her like a clan of pink bullfrogs were eating her.

Seamus made a coughing sound that largely resembled the word gay. Hermione stood realizing that she was being very un-Ron like and stifled her laughter.

"Hum, hum… anyways, I refuse to stay here unless this place is clean and it says clean," Hermione said informatively. Dean and Seamus looked at each other, grinned, and picked up 'Ron'.

"Well in that cause, I have heard that red sofa in the corner makes a wonderful bed," they said, trying to drag Hermione from the room.

"WELL IF I LEAVE THE STORY OF YOUR KNICKERS GOES WITH ME!" Hermione screamed.

"Ok he is staying; what should I clean up first?" Seamus said.

"I can't believe you gave in so easily!" Dean excelled.

"As for you, if you don't clean, I will inform McGonagall of your little 'party' with Blare and I am sure she will enjoy your explanation," Hermione said. It felt so good to be… well… good.

"Ok, ok, I will help," Dean said.

"I will be right back; I just have to get Neville. While I am gone you can start on that pile of straw and gum," Hermione said, quickly, before they could change their mind.

"Hay, learn you shrubbery! This is grass, not straw!" Seamus said, grabbing a fist full of the grass and shoving it under 'Ron's' nose.

"Now lets not fight! I thought we had determined it was Seamus's fathers foot!"

Neville looked up from his Herbology textbook to find 'Ron' taping his foot on the ground.

"Can I help you with anything?" Neville said a bit timid.

"In fact, you can; let's go," Hermione commanded dragging Neville up the stairs.

"What are we doing?" Neville said confused.

"Something you should have done a long time ago; cleaning the dorm," Hermione said, as they reached the door. She pushed it open to find Dean and Seamus prancing around the room throwing large balls of rubber bands around the room, that appeared to be bewitched due to the fact that they would not stop bouncing.

"Look what we found! Deans old collection of supper stretchy rubber bands and they seemed to have taken a liking to each other because they were all rolled up into balls," Seamus laughed. One ball came whizzing down and hit Dean on the leg, causing his to fall onto Neville's bed.

"Bloody hell! Neville what do you sleep with?" Dean said rubbing his back and removing a large book from under his covers.

"Dude Neville you're as bad as Hermione; I bet she sleeps with her books too," Seamus said.

"I do not!" Hermione protested, although it was true she had fallen asleep in her bed while reading countless times.

"Of course you haven't. You hardly pick up a pick up a book unless it has a naked girl on the front," Seamus said with a wink. Hermione was utterly horrified.

"That is utterly repulsive!" Hermione said, backing away.

"No, it's utterly arousing," Seamus said.

"I don't see why you are complaining so much you're the one who got Seamus hooked on it," Dean said.

"I DID WHAT!" Hermione said now howling in rage, oh when she got her hands on Ronald Weasley she would give him a piece of her mind.

"Yeah, remember how you paraded the magazine around the dorm all 5th year it was impossible not to get hooked," Seamus said as though it was a fond childhood memory.

"That's it! Ok, no more porn is entering this room! Where are the stashes, we are going to trash them!" Hermione said, furiously. Males were such pigs sometimes; they had absolution no respect for people's bodies.

"YOU CAN'T" Dean and Seamus shouted in unison.

"I can or my is not Herm… I mean I just can!" Hermione howled.

"Geez, Ron we have needs you know, and we know you have been waiting for Hermione to come around so you really have a lot more needs then us; please can they stay?" Seamus pleaded as though he were pleading for a lost dog to become a pet.

"Ron's waiting for WHO?… I mean think of it as a learning experience! It builds character! Now cough it up!" Hermione screamed; menacingly think of the 'enlightening' discussion that was going to go on when she next saw Ron.

"OK, ok," Dean said, backing up with Seamus; they were both a bit scared of Ron's anger. Reluctantly they removed magazines from under beds, between schoolbooks, and under cloths.

"That's it," Dean said sadly as he put his last magazine on the stack.

"Hey, why do we have to lose our goods and you didn't cough up any?" Seamus asked.

Hermione of course did not know were the 'goods' were so she tried to divert the attentions to some else, "Well Neville hasn't coughed anything up either!"

"Don't you pay attention? Neville never took a liking to them," Seamus said.

"I have always suspected him of having a plant fetish," Dean said indication Neville's corner of the room that was blooming with plants and posters of famous planters.

"I do not," Neville said quietly blushing.

"At any rate I am burning these," Hermione said pulling out Ron's wand.

"You can't until you get all of your magazines," Seamus proclaimed trying to stall the process.

"Well I can't remember where I put them all," Hermione said.

"Then it's settled when you find them all we will get rid of them, until then they will say right here," Dean declaimed.

"Fine," Hermione huffed as a ball hit her on the head. "Hefop" Hermione said and the rubber bands balls glide into her hands and she threw them in the trash. "Now lets start cleaning!"

"Hey I wanted those balls," Dean complained, "Imagine it Seamus, we could let them loose in the Slitherin common room. I can just see Malfoy's face when he gets hit in the head with one! He would probably have a brose for a month if we put a curse on them."

"Stop having dilutions of grandeur and start on that pile over there," Hermione said angrily.

"Picky, picky," Seamus said under his breath. They worked in relative silence; a lot of times Hermione would take something out of their hands and throw it in the trash that would raise some protest that usually resolved in Hermione resorting to blackmail. By dinner time the room was relatively clean.

Hermione had just recovered the last of Ron's dirty magazines and put it in the stack when Dean pulled out a deflated blow up, life sized, alien from a drawer.

"What's that?" Seamus said.

"Trash," Hermione said promptly.

"No it's not I just had and idea!" Seamus exclaimed. He pulled his wants out and said, "Philearo," trying to fill the alien with air.

"See it has a hole in it now put it in the trash," Hermione said.

"NO! This is a genius plan," Seamus said and whispered the plan in Dean's ear. They both smiled like giddy idiots, which frankly they were.

"Oh this is good," Dean said deviously. The two boys started placing spells on the blow up alien soon it had blown up and changed into a naked blow up witch.

"Nice handy work Dean," Seamus congratulated his friend.

"THAT IS DISGUSTING! The only way you are keeping her is if you put on some robes," Hermione said transforming a bowl into a set of robes and flinging it on the blow up girl.

"Stop being such a big dumb you running all our fun," Dean said very childishly.

"Suck it up!" Hermione shouted. Dean and Seamus gave Hermione a long glair before placing their plastic girlfriend, with quaffle-sized boobs, in-between their beds. Hermione then declared that she was burning the magazines. So they congered up some marshmallows, gram crackers, chocolate and skewer sticks and decided to make a party of it.

"I have got to hand it to you Ron, porn defiantly makes the best tasting marshmallows," Dean declared.

OK so this chap was too long to fit on one posting so you can take a little time right now and review or grab some coffee and then go to the next part of the chap… (PS. Thank you all you reviewers this long chap is for you.)


	16. Hormonally Driven Males: Part 2

Disclaimer- if only it were mine….

Chapter 15 & 1/2 

**In Which Neville Gets the Sweet 'n' Low**

**Or**

**Hormonally Driven Males**

As though life couldn't get any worse Ron was now reintroduced to his arch nemeses (for the moment), Terry and a plate of vegetables.

"I Promised that I would bring the snacks," Terry declared, "And so here I am."

It did appear that Terry had brought snacks; furthermore they were exactly the kind of snacks that Hermione would like. They were healthy, good for your teath, and vegetarian. In fact Ron couldn't think of a reason why Hermione wouldn't be thrilled at the prospect of Terry's snacks. Ron, however, was having a serious craving for chocolate and had a bit of a stomachache. Ron though, 'well Terry sure knows his stuff, but I shall get him just you wait!' Ron then hatch a plan, a wonderfully evil plan…

"Oh Terry, what a wonderful spread where did you get," Ron said in his very best Parvati impression. Ron crossed his fingers if he had gotten it from the house elves he was sure Hermione would be against Terry going into the kitchen's.

Terry looked down and blushed a bit, "I err… grew them, it's a bit of a hobby and I cooked the sauce."

'Gerr. Evil Terry was very cunning,' Ron thought angrily.

"Anyways we better start discussing the Hogsmead visit so that you can get some rest. We can't have our favorite Head Girl sleeping in the hospital wing forever," Terry said with a smile.

'Oh you would just love if I slept in the head room wouldn't you,' Ron thought venomously. But instead he replied, "So what is there to disguise? We just check the permission slips and walk over and presto a day of fun!"

"Hermione, stop being silly we have to finalize the departure times, organize which prefects are going to be on duty to make sure kids don't step out of line, and write up Hogsmead notices," Terry said promptly before eating a carrot.

"Well we can leave at 10 and come back at 5 so we will have time fore breakfast and dinner at Hogwarts," Ron said; because that was the time all Hogsmead visits usually run. Well there was an exception in 6th of course when they had a really giddy Head Girl who decided that the February trip should be after dinner because it was more romantic; but we wont go into it because of course none of the trio had a date and Ron and Harry had nearly puked because of all the pink.

"That sounds good. Now for the prefects I was thinking hour rotations of 2 prefects on duty," Terry said.

"Sounds good," Ron said trying to stop from falling asleep because it was just too boring.

"I thought you would say so, we can uses the order for the night duty," Terry said pulling out a copy of the list, "Wait let me change this, I will switch you to patrolling with me because you were originally with Ron but you two got in a row."

"NO DON'T," Ron said quickly. He would not be fooled into a date with Terry on the pretext that they were patrolling; he would prefer to suffer and hour of Hermione inflicted torture thank you very much.

"Why not, you guy's have been going at each others throats all day?" Terry said confused.

'Think fast Ron, think fast,' Ron told himself, "Hum… Well… I… I fancy him."

"You do?" Terry said confused.

"Yes, he has sexy red hair and he looks very fit on the Quidditch pitch," Ron said giving himself a mental high five oh this was a lovely idea. He could complement himself on all the characteristics that were different from Terry and maybe he would get the hint that HERMIONE WAS NOT INTERSTED IN THAT GIT TERRY! Although why he had said himself he had no clue, oh wait that's right Ron is just too fit to resist.

"I don't see why you fight so much with him then," Terry said Hermione was acting very weird, she wasn't the kind of person who just spit out who they liked for almost no reason.

"Love is war," Ron said not at all knowing what he was saying.

"Ok then, Hermione what did they put in that medicine? You have gone bonkers," Terry questioned.

"Well, I guess I will never spill out my heart to _you_! Stop criticizing my choices geez!" Ron said hotly.

"Ok, sorry Hermione. I know it's your monthlies talking why don't I just finish this up and you take a nap. I will have you patrol with Ron," Terry said getting up.

"My monthlies are not talking!" Ron said getting madder. How did Terry know that Hermione was a werewolf while she hadn't even told him who happened to be her best mate, I mean ex-best mate?

"That's what you say every month," Terry said leaving the hospital wing.

"Fat lot of stuff he knows," Ron muttered angrily. He looked down at the nearly untouched veggies, 'why did he have to bring bloody veggies when he could have brought chocolate; I am not a rabbit you know,' Ron thought.

Hermione surveyed the room with pride; Neville and Dean were taking the dirty clothes to the laundry room to be washed, while Seamus was folding the last of his socks into the socks' drawer. Yes, you heard right; this was deep cleaning. Hermione was about to embark on the most hazardous task of them all: _the boy's bathroom_.

Hermione was trying to phase out the muffled hollers of the gay mirror, while cleaned out a drawer covered in mold; it was tedious work. She was surprised that they boys were ever clean due to the state of the shower.

The Mirror was now hollering, "pexy anne fin blah bathwoom."

"God, even the male mirrors are hormonally driven," Hermione said to herself. She pulled open the next drawer to inspect and well what did she find? Condoms. Her parents of course had informed her of the ways of the world the summer between second and third year. Her dad had told her that teenaged boys were all evil and hormonally driven and that she wasn't allowed to date until she was fifty. She never had only believed about 50 of what her father had told her up until today. Now, finding condoms in the bathroom, she was pretty sure she didn't want to date until she was older than fifty. Hermione decided she was going to give the Gryffindor boys a piece of her mind.

Exiting the bathroom she found Seamus shutting the drawer. "What is this doing in the dorm?" She questioned menacingly, holding up the condom.

"Haven't you heard of safe sex before?" Seamus said not paying much attention to Hermione.

"SAFE SEX IS NO SEX!" Hermione cried in furry, "This is a school! People shouldn't be having sex in-"

"Stop complaining, just because your not getting anything doesn't mean you should boycott the rest of us," Seamus said.

"God how many people have lost their virginity in this pace?" Hermione said horror struck.

"I don't know why don't you go ask the bathroom mirror!" Seamus said annoyed.

"Maybe I will," Hermione said putting her nose in the air and walking back. Hermione continued to clean the bathroom debating what she should do about the condoms. She couldn't just throw them out, but then again condoms did promote sex, which the conduct code in Hogwarts was surly against. Then she got a beautiful idea, a beautifully evil idea (or good depending on how you see it) she reopened the condom drawer and pulled out Ron's wand. She flicked her wrist and said, "Grzoola" and shut the drawer again. The next prat who decided they wanted to have sex was going to be in for a big surprise.

The bathroom looked spotless except for a large pile of towels over the mirror. Hermione decided that she really needed to do something about the mirror. After dinner, she would look for a spell to quiet it down along with soonthing to get all the soot off her face. But for now she needed to finish the cleaning job. She pulled down all the towels and shot them into the hamper.

"Ah my night in shining armor come to rescue me, again," The mirror said in a joyful tone.

"Yes, and I have a fit body. Now do we really need to go through this drill? I am trying to clean," Hermione said annoyed that the mirror was hitting on her again.

"Such a spoilsport; I will just have to look at your butt in silence," The mirror pouted. Hermione, however, was not in a sympathetic mood. She grabbed the Windex and began spraying. "Ouch that's my eye," the mirror screamed in pain.

"Hopefully you go blind," Hermione said.

"Hey just because you have nice abs doesn't mean you can be mean!" The mirror complained.

"Just be quiet!" Hermione said as she took a rag and began cleaning the mirror.

"Oh that's the way I like my massages," The mirror told Hermione and she washed away the grime. Hermione ignored the mirror comment. "You know if you were naked it would be a repeat of the dream I had last night."

"Well isn't that pleasant," Hermione said sarcastically.

"It was more then pleasant," the Mirror informed her.

"I need a restraining order or a lot of Duct Tape," Hermione said letting her muggle parentage get the better of her.

"Is Duct Tape the name of a male stripper?" the Mirror ask.

"No its something that you use to tape things with," Hermione informed him in a dictionary way.

"Hey I knew a spello tape that was a stripper; it is possible!" the mirror protested.

"Yes of course you did," Hermione said in an I-just-said-that-to-keep-you-quiet manner.

"I still have his address if you want to meet him," The mirror informed him, "but I would personally prefer if only your clothes went to meet him," The mirror continued doing his best to try and sound seductive.

'What we need is a male blow up doll just to keep him quite,' Hermione thought irritated as she tried to pick off a bit of black on the mirror.

"You do know that you're trying to pick off my birthmark," The mirror told Hermione.

"Mirrors don't have birthmarks," Hermione said.

"I wont argue if you take of your shirt," The mirror said hopefully.

"No," Hermione said firmly she had no interest in seeing Ron's abs; oh, what am I going on about? She just didn't want to share them with anyone. Of course she couldn't tell herself that though because she didn't want to be checking out her ex-best mate's body and she didn't want to seem selfish. Besides, he hadn't given her permission either so that could be filed under violation or something of that sort.

"Please! Or how about your pants?" The mirror whined.

"I said no. Now can you leave me alone? "

"How can anyone leave such a fine specimen of the male spices alone who is giving me a back rub. Even with your clothes on you are simply irresistible," the mirror continued, un-phased.

"Oi, we're back," came the loud voice of Dean. Hermione put down her rag and walked out of the bathroom.

"Don't leave me fair prince," shouted the mirror as she shut the door.

"Who keeps uncovering that bloody thing?" Dean exclaimed, "I swear every time I set foot in that room I have got a mirror telling me every pick up line in the book. He even tried 'nice shoes want to shag'"

"Well I am personally used to it by now. I have such a fine body that everyone tries to pick me," Seamus said pompously.

"I think what that mirror is saying is getting a little too much to your head," Hermione informed Seamus.

"Your just jealous," Seamus said childishly.

"So what is there left to clean?" Neville said trying to change the topic because he remembered a specific time in sixth year when Seamus and Ron had a fight over who had nicer hair. And every morning for a week they had tried increasing radical hairstyles until Ron decided to cut Seamus' hair in his sleep, followed by Seamus dying every hair on Ron's body hot pink. In retaliation Ron had made Seamus' wig (which was already rather disgusting and feminine looking) become alive and attack him. Of course Seamus couldn't stand the humiliations so after returning from the hospital, where he had, had several hundred hairs implanted centimeters deep into his scull removed, he gave Ron a beard that closely resembled Dumbledore's with the exceptions that it was bright pink. With people in the halls commenting that he looked like a pink leprecon, he had given Seamus a tail. And although the tail was very handy in hitting Slytherins with, he wasn't particularly fond of it so he cursed Ron's beard to hit on girls and guys alike. And well his beard did get a few girls, but Ron wasn't exactly keen on snogging Moaning Myrtle so he… you know what, I will stop right here because it gets increasingly unpleasant and ends with them both naked and hairy on the roof of Gryffindor tower with Malfoy transfigured into a parrot, lacking feathers and instead had fur; and well it wasn't a pretty sight.

"I think the only thing left is finishing up in the bathroom," Hermione proclaimed.

"Ah Ha! Lets go!" Dean said raising his arm like a night going into battle. The four entered into the bathroom, which was becoming increasingly clamped.

"Oh my lucky stars! Five-some," yelled the Mirror.

"Shove it," Dean said.

"Oh you must be one of those don't-talk-just-kiss-me kind of a boys. Two can play at that game," The Mirror said.

"Mental that one," Seamus said, reorganizing the shampoo bottles. Neville and Dean were helping Hermione with the cleaning of the mirror. The mirror was purring (probably due to the fact that he never got much attention). Dean was scrubbing a disgusting spot on the side the mirror when he was set off balance and landed on the toilet.

"Ouch," dean said as he bolted upright and hit his head on the ceiling. There was a crack in the sealing and pink packets began falling out of it and onto Dean's head. He picked one up and looked at it before his face brightened; "This is where you hid my sweet 'n' low, Neville," he said with a chuckle.

"Well yes," Neville said unhappily.

"Why there Neville? You could have thrown them out! Then we wouldn't have to go through this again!" Seamus said sadly.

"What are you talking about? This is the best thing that happened to me since I got to blackmail you into giving me your pet squash. God that thing was annoying; you bloody thought it was alive. You would just walk around with it on a sting telling people its name was Squashalina and trying to feed it cream cakes," Dean said before ripping that packet of sweet 'n' low open and dumping it into his mouth.

"NO! What have we done to forsaken the gods?" Neville and Seamus said together. Dean ripped open another and continued the process.

"I think that's quite enough; it will ruin you teath," Hermione said extending her hand to take it way.

Dean curled into a ball on the toilet seat and backed way from Hermione intent on protecting the sweet 'n' low, "NO, MINE STAY AWAY!" Dean said.

"I have created a monster," Neville said sadly.

"I think we can escape, just back away slowly," Seamus said in Neville and Hermione's ears. They began backing away.

The mirror squawked, "Take me with you! I am not that kinky! He is too scary for me."

At that point Hermione, Neville, and Seamus bolted from the room. After a quick sprint they were in the common room, but they could still hear Dean ripping and gulping away.

"That was a close one," Seamus said out of breath (lets face it he really isn't the athletic type).

"Yea, lets go have dinner and hopefully he will have calmed down by the time we are done," Hermione said. Seamus and Neville gave her skeptical looks, but obliged.

While Seamus was trotting off down the hall, Neville taped Hermione on the shoulder and asked, "I was wondering whether you intended in keeping that black smudge on your face because I know how to remove it."

"You do?" Hermione said; she was surprised Neville wasn't exactly a database of knowledge.

"Well yeah, the same kind of thing use to happen to me all the time," He confessed, blushing a bit.

"Oh"

"The charm is 'Repodar'," Neville said. Hermione did the spell and the soot fell from her face and materialized into her alarm clock. Oh when she got her hands on Ron he was going to get it; she just knew Ron was the culprit of her alarm clock turning to soot.

A/N- sorry it took so long, but I have been busy. I hope this chapter was to everyone's liking. I tried to make it long because I got so may reviews again! Yay! Anyways I have a few things to tell you. So I got to math class one morning and there was this teacher who looked just like Professor Snape there. I was rather late to class and it turned out that he was our sub. Anyways I can't remember his name, but not only did he look like Snape he acted like him too. And I was like hot damn, I am glad he is just our sub. But I thought I would tell you all that because well I am assuming most of you are relatively interested in Harry Potter type stuff like I! I am rather proud of this particular chapter because it is rather random, although I am not sure if I went too far into the horniness of the male gender (me not being a male I would not know). Also we are doing a poetry unit on my English class so I have been writing a lot of poetry. If anyone wants to read it I may just post it in the next chapter. Although I will be warning you a lot of it is not that great although I am particularly happy with two of them. Ok I will stop babbling so you can REVIEW and ADD ME TO YOUR FAVORITS LIST.

Reviewers-

EvilsmileyfaceofDOOM- Thank you! Thank you!

romancefreak! – I am sorry it took a while to update! I am glad you like this story! I always enjoy new reviewers (and old ones too!)!

AngelicFairy- Party! Some thinks I am funny and I am glad because there is nothing better than a funny fanfiction to make the world go round! I, like you had always loved the idea of Ron and Hermione switching bodies, but sadly I can't say it was exactly an original idea. So I have been trying to take a different outlook on things (I hope it is working). And double yay you like the situations… I think they are hilarious too!

sballLuvr5- Sorry it took so long to update, but I am glad that you liked the last chapter and well you don't have to wait for this one any longer.

Mental357- Chocolate and Marshmallows are becoming a theme in my story… really goes to show what is on my subconscious mind…. It is hilarious that you thought Silvia was saliva, and now that I think of it Saliva would be a hilarious name for a character. I will have to keep that in mind if I add more characters…. And pour vous (is that right I haven't taken French in 2 years) a lengthy Mirror dialog!

P.S- Happy very late B-day!

b2bbrules3326- I like the voices in Ginny's head too. Should I add a third or would that be too confusing? I am ecstatic that you like Parvati and Lavender; I have a thing for writing stereotypical characters because I think it is amusing, like girly girls, and now in this chapter horny males…I really have to stop doing it though or I wont get any character development by English teacher would be very unhappy if that didn't occur.

LilyTheBlonde- YOU ARE ONE OF THE BEST REVIEWERS EVER! I just loved your review! It made me crack up! Sorry my story made you get in trouble. I will have to tone the humor down (JK about the toning down part)! I would never do that; laughing is an essential for life! For such a great review I think I will spill a bit about the plot… tomorrow Ron is going to start his period…. And I am planning something with a cat and his period but that is under raps… also I am planning to use the fact that some tampons look a but like candy to my advantage… As for PMS I am afraid it has begun in the next chapter I think maybe a close encounter with PMS Ron and a Hormonal Hermione…. You know I think all males should get there period it would humble them… anyways enough about the plot and what not (ohh I rhymed) sorry that you have been anticipating the chap for so long! But I am glad that you are not dropping the story because great reviews keep me going…. I shall add your chipmunk to the disclaimer because I frankly just saw him outside…. Ok I should probably get to the other reviews so I can post this chap… and I just saw Pirates of the Caribbean. Ahhhhh pirates are so sexy!

Bhekie- Glad the chap was up to your expectations! God I love writing giddy girls; it is the next best thing to Fred and George!

Amrawo- Sorry about the update time we can just say my creative mind was delayed… Glad you think it is funny! Frankly I can't wait till Ron gets his period either it will be a humbling experience to say the least! Grin

Phillyactress- I will get my beta on the spelling mistakes right away… just as soon as I can find her… it would be nice if my beta didn't have legs; then she would be a lot easer to find… and then poke and run away… any who, (god what a great word even though my comp says its not a word) I must be getting better at reposes because most of mine are very lame but you like it so yay! I am now gloating because of the positive chi flowing my way! Till next time then!

DragoFlare 4000- I can't wait either but it may be in a bit… well who knows… Technically me, but I wont go into that because I am one for changing my mind a lot…. Anyways hope the anticipation isn't killing you!

Hjpchick- I quite agree pirates rock my socks! Sadly I couldn't write him in the chap. He may be gone for a bit (but I promise to bring him back!)… However, back by popular demand THE GAY MIRROR (lets give him a round of applause for his spectacular show tonight) don't worry folks he will be back again… Anyways I got plans for my mirrors so they should appear every few chaps… until next time then! Ohh and I have a friend named Heather; just a comment from the peanut gallery here.

LilyTheBlonde- the last review to comment on… so I think I will keep it short because I already commented on the other one…. Anyways you are correct about the painters and I couldn't agree more… I just love girl code… for example a while ago I was with some friends and well half were guys and half were girls…. And my little sister started making out with one but we wont go into that…. However I had to talk to her with my telepathic powers and a cough and told her it was impropriate to snog a friend that was even older than I in the middle of a church gathering! It is just lucky that I am a whole hell of a lot less horny then her or our family would be in trouble. Also this other time at the same place, I was talking to my other friend, who was a girl, through eye communications (the whole glance at things raise eyebrow thing) anyways and my guy friend got all angry when we started cracking up and what not…. It was kind of funny. Anyways how did this turn out so long? I better finish up… 

Well that's the rap now go click REVIEW and REVIEW


	17. How to Capture a Super Hero

Disclaimer- well it is official; the invitation in the mail just came and Mr. chipmunk and Mr. Squirm are getting married. I guess there is really a lot to say about nutters who think I wrote this whole story without stealing from J.K. Rowling.

Chapter 16   
In Which Harry Hears Chickens 

**Or**

**How to Capture a Super Hero**

"_The charm is 'Repodar'," Neville said. Hermione did the spell and the soot fell from her face and materialized into her alarm clock. Oh when she got her hands on Ron he was going to get it; she just knew Ron was the culprit of her alarm clock turning to soot…_

Parvati and lavenders died the bed hangings a hideous shade of pink (which in their opinion should have been done a long time ago) and had pulled them tight around Lavender's bed. All the candles had been blown out except a large purple one that was set between the two girls. Both girls were wearing skintight pink cat suits and had extravagant makeup and hairstyles.

"Ok the G.P.A.H.P. is in order. Role call! Parvati the Pretty? Oh that's me! Giggle Lavender the Luscious?" Parvati said reading off a piece of parchment.

"Oh, I am here," Lavender said.

"Ok, good. I think we may need some more members; this role call is just sad," Parvati said.

"No, our names just don't give us our full potential!" Lavender protested. "Change mine to Lavender Brown the Luscious Duchess that All Boys Want so Muchous."

"Lavender I think you are still under rating yourself; you didn't say anything about your great dress style or those adorable trainers you just got. Are you going through a midlife crisis? I mean you are seriously under rating yourself!"

"No, we just have serious matters on our hands! How could I be thinking about my trainers when another girl is about to take your Ron!" Lavender explained shell-shocked.

"Your quite right. Pass the water, even the thought of losing my Ronnie is too dreadful!" Parvati agreed.

"Well, what's the first order of business?" Lavender questioned.

"Well my Ronald Weasley stationary hasn't come in yet. You would think if you had to get them special ordered then they would come quickly," Parvati sighed. Lavender who was clearly very interested nodded her head ecstatically as Parvati continued, "On even more dreadful matters how are we going to know if Hermione wrote to us?"

"I thought we decided to intercept her mail," Lavender puzzled.

"Yes, yes, but how do we do that?" Parvati wondered. Lavender and Parvati sat in deep thought; apparently saving love lives took a little more than a skintight suit and a superhero name.

"I have got it!" Lavender pronounced.

"Oh my god, you are so smart; what is it?" Parvati said bouncing up and down on the bed. The candle that was in-between them teetered before falling and lighting Lavender's sheets aflame.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh we are going to die! Someone help us," Both girls said jumping off the bed and began running around the room, like chickens with their head cut off. Both girls crashed into each other and landed on the floor. Then they saw the door and both bolted for it, only to fall down the entire Gryffindor girl's staircase.

"Help, help," they both shouted trying to readjust their hair so it was presentable. Many heads swiveled from their previous occupation to see what the commotion was.

Hermione, in Ron's body, was very alarmed and came running over, "What happened? Are you two ok?"

"Oh it was dreadful!" Parvati said flinging herself at Hermione.

"Er… yes?" Hermione said, confused as Parvati cling to her. If it were not for Ron's Quidditch toned muscles, Hermione probably would have been squished flat.

"My savior!" Parvati continued dramatically.

"Hey who lit the 7th year room aflame?" Ginny said coming down the stairs wand drawn, sleeves singed and completely soaked. "Oh, has anyone seen Hermione; I kind of got some of her notes wet when I put out the fire. I really must learn how to do a proper extinguishing charm; it would make life a lot easier," She added to herself. Hermione threw Parvati towards the steps at the news of notes.

"Ouch I think I broke something," Parvati whined. Hermione thought better of what she had just done and offered Parvati a hand.

"Sorry I didn't mean to throw you," Hermione apologized; she didn't hate Parvati after all, just found her rather annoying. Parvati seemed a bit annoyed, but the guy of her dreams was now offering her his undivided attention. Parvati tried to leap onto his arms, but failed miserably and landed back of the floor with a moan.

"I can't walk!" Parvati said blinking her eyelids; if she couldn't walk well, it was only fair that she tried to milk it for all it's worth.

Hermione looked up and the air and sighed; 'Why do I always get myself into these things?' she thought to herself.

"Oh my god, Parvati don't die on me!" Lavender cried, "Hurry someone levitate her to the hospital wing! I don't have my wand!"

"Put your wands away. Haven't you ever read Hogwarts a history? It clearly states that when a person is injured under a doorway, levitating charms doesn't work!" Hermione stated annoyed.

"Well she has to get to the hospital wing," Lavender exclaimed franticly, "Wait, I know, you could carry her!"

Hermione turned the thought over in her head and realizing that is was her fault she had agreed and scooped up Parvati. Parvati was thrilled, to say the least thoughts ran through her head of how this event could turn even more romantic.

"Ron did I tell you that from this angle you look very fit," Parvati said flirtatiously as they descended a flight of stairs.

'Oh god, first the mirror and now her. What do they think Ron is, eye chocolate? I just don't know. He reminds me more of a mint: a pail face with that extreme red color he has as hair. Mints are just the perfect candy really; they are sweet, but not overly sweet, you can indulge in them without getting fat, and they melt ever so slowly in your mouth. Wait. Hold it. Scratch that. Why did I think Ron was a mint? I better go take another visit to that shrink; I think I may be experiencing a mid-life crises right here. You recon Ron's on drugs?' Hermione wondered.

Ron was livid as he sat in his hospital cot. 'Where the ruddy hell was Hermione? She was suppose to be here an hour and a half ago for the tutoring session,' Ron thought. He wouldn't still be waiting if it weren't for the fact that he had been stuck in this bed all bloody day. What he would give to be able to go out to the pitch and fly. Then again it might make him throw up because he had a wicked horrible stomachache.

Ron looked up to see the doors of the hospital wing fly open and his former body waltz in carrying someone in a pink cat suit. Ron's first immediate thought was, 'oh this is not good' as Madam Pomfry came running over.

"Not another one!" She cried as Hermione laid Parvati down, who was grinning like the giddy idiot she was. Noticing the dazed look in Parvati's eyes, Pomfry continued, "Don't tell me she has been smoking dragon beard; she will be seeing rainbows and talking to nonexistent black cats everywhere. Kids these days don't they know those kinds of drugs are illegal. It happens every year around this time too… Some kid decides it's cool to take a whiff and I end up having a whole cluster of kids up here who are hallucinating. Like that Ben Gregory a few years ago, that was an awful case. Took me 2 weeks to convince him that there wasn't a mafia of black cats out to kill him called La Rainbow and that there was no such thing as gangster cats. Now dear don't listen to the voices."

"Er miss, I think she just hurt her ankle," Hermione informed her because Parvati's voice seemed absolutely useless. Pomfry shut up and began prodding Parvati with her wand.

Ron shot a very evil look at Hermione and said; "Hey, Her-Ron I can't believe that you made me wait here and it took you this long to show." Madam Pomfry kept on prodding away at Parvati, but Parvati eyed the two evilly; there was something fishy going on.

"Oh my I completely forget," Hermione said. She had gotten so caught up in cleaning that her tutoring session had totally slipped from her mind.

"A likely excuse," Ron said his eyes narrowing. Hermione was probably out ruining his life, after all she was found with Parvati in a pink cat suit for crying out loud. "Why were you with Parvati then and why she is dressed like that?" he continued as his eyes racked over the strange attire.

"I am with Parvati because someone has to take her to the hospital wing and I was there at the time. So why don't you ask her why she is dressed like that because I honestly don't have a clue!" Hermione ranted.

Ron didn't know what to think so he looked over at Parvati, who was pretending to be interested in the vase by her bed, and asked, "Is what s-he is saying true?"

"Ummmmm… pretty much," Parvati said; she didn't like other girls speaking with her man.

"What is up with that … that?" Ron said, unable to withstand his curiously at her dressing style. After all flying chickens tied to Bludgers might not be out of the ordinary, but cat suits definitely were.

"This happens to be the latest style on superhero fashion," Parvati said surprised that everyone did not know this.

"Oh that explains everything!" Ron said sarcastically.

"Just because you don't keep up on the latest trends doesn't mean you can snap at me," Parvati exclaimed who was getting rather upset with 'Hermione's' behavior.

"WHO CARES ABOUT TRENDS?" Ron yelled at Parvati.

"YOU ARE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE SO OUT OF STYLE!" she hollered back.

"OH, HOW DARE YOU!" Ron protested trying to hit Parvati in the next bed over.

"WELL IT IS TRUE! I BET YOU WILL NEVER GET A MAN WITH THAT ADITUDE EITHER," She said trying to hit him.

"YOU LIEING BLOOD THIRSTY B-"

"STOP IT" Hermione yelled, grabbing both of their hands. They both crossed their arms over their chests and let out huffs. Pomfry came running from the back room, where she had been retrieving medicine.

"What is the meaning of all this yelling?" She said, looking accusingly at Hermione. Hermione blinked twice and so Pomfry continued, "Oh never mind, I am sure they were fighting over you; out, out."

"What no they/we weren't," Ron and Hermione said in unison, as Hermione tried to hold her ground.

"Stop it and leave," Pomfry continued, "You are only going to aggravate them further."

"Oh this is absurd!" Hermione exclaimed before leaning down and whispering in Ron's ear, "I will be back after dinner to see if she has left yet so we can study."

"Bring me chocolate," Ron said promptly.

"No! It will ruin your teath!" Hermione said and marched through the door.

"Ahhhh," Parvati said launching herself at Ron. No one, and I mean no one wanted to get in between Parvati and whomever she set her eye on. All of this close whispering between the two was definitely the last straw.

"Off you bloody ogre," Ron howled. Hermione could hear the sounds of Madam Pomfry trying desperately to pull the two girls apart and only smiled; so Ron was going through his first catfight. Hermione just hope that Parvati wouldn't do any permanent damage.

Harry had stayed in the kitchen till his chocolate had gone cold in a sort of stupor because of Ginny. He was pulled out of his thoughts as the bearded elf came up with a rag and started cleaning the table. The very odd thing about this particular elf is his beard was so long it had been wrapped around his body and still dragged on the floor. Also, he was wearing his tea-cozy on his head because his body didn't need any covering due to the hair.

"Mr. Potter was dumped by Miss. Weasley?" The house elf asked.

"Worse," Harry groaned.

"Ah, the chicken was never in the skillet and is still running around the back yard with no head eh?" The elf said.

"What?" Harry wondered confused.

"Ya never got her, but yer want her," The house elf clarified.

"How did you know?" Harry asked surprised.

"Us seasoned cooks have had to go out and chase the bloody chickens many times. Only thing worse then a headless chicken is when you realize ye just cooked a rubber one. Fowl mess it makes," The elf continued.

"Come again," Harry said bewildered.

"The only thing worse than not being able to catch the girl you want is when you realized you are dating the wrong one with a bad blond hair dye job," The elf explained.

"How do you know all these things?" Harry questioned.

"I am a cook, the right dinner is worth one thousand love potions. I know how to cook a dinner that will let a girl down slowly and how to cook a dinner that will make her beg for more. It is a fine art, and frankly no one makes better margarine chicken than me. I can even make a rubber chicken taste like heaven, well either that or you will chock on a piece of it and go straight heaven."

"Really?" Harry said, interested. Maybe he could woe her with his cooking, if he brushed up on his skills a bit.

"As true as butter does grease a pan," he confirmed.

"Can I get lessons?" Harry exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Sure how about Tuesday at five?" The elf said pulling out a date booklet.

"Thanks, I can't wait!" Harry said jumping up because he felt like he had a lot of energy. "I guess I better go make up with my best friend!" He hollered as he left the kitchen, waving goodbye to the old elf and Dobby. Harry ran all the way to Gryffindor tower; he was going to forgive Ron and do exactly what Ginny said (because how could Ginny be wrong) and treat him like he was a more sensitive person. He yelled the password (yodeling yak) and bounded through the common room and up the stairs to his room. The door was slightly cracked open and Harry could tell there was something very strange going on.

He peered around the door and nearly tripped in surprise; was their carpet really red? He could have sworn it was brown the last time he had seen it, but then again memories get disfigured after a few years. Wow this was eerie; it was like walking through a graveyard, except with no bodies and relatively better lighting. Then he figured out what was so disturbing: where the bloody hell was the toothpick collection?

Harry looked around franticly for the toothpicks (which didn't take too long, considering the room was clean), but he couldn't find it. Then a long ripping sound came from the bathroom. Harry did a double take, 'no it wasn't possible; it couldn't be,' Harry thought in denial. The bathroom door swung open and Dean appeared, a savage grin upon his face and an evil glint in his eyes. In one hand he clenched the sweet 'n' low. Harry stood petrified, unable to move.

"So we meet again Mr. Man who makes pots," Dean said, before puling out his wand and saying an incantation that tied Harry up to the bedpost. He then opened another pack of sweet 'n' low and dumped it into his mouth before taping the empty rapper on Harry. "Sweet 'n' low's job is done," he declared walking out of the room.

"Not again," Harry moaned from the bedpost; now he was going to miss dinner. Harry idly wondered if Hogwarts had sweet 'n' low's anonymous. You know, the worst thing about being stuck, tied on a bedpost, was that you couldn't twiddle you thumps. I mean if you were bored you can always twiddle your thumbs and it becomes extremely amusing, but when you are stuck on a bedpost you can't. Therefore he was becoming extremely bored very quickly. Harry tried calling for help, but everyone was already down for dinner so he eventually decided to sing 99 bottles of firewisky on the wall. He was down to 27 by the time he heard someone come up.

Hermione had decided that she would grab some textbooks for the dorm incase Parvati was gone and they could study. She walked into the dorm and there was Harry dangling from the bedpost, loudly belting out, "27 bottles of firewisky on the wall. 27 bottles of firewisky. Take one down pass it around- Oh hello there, top of the afternoon to ya."

"What are you doing up there?" Hermione said, coming up to his side.

"Ah well I just though it would be spiffy to tie myself to a bedpost," Harry informed her sarcastically.

"Ok, I get the point," Hermione said pulling out her wand and unbinding Harry.

Harry rubbed his writs before saying, "look Ron, earlier it wasn't my place to ask; but if you need any one to talk to, I am here." Hermione smiled; since when had Harry been so mature?

Then she remembered what had just happen, "Harry who tied you up there?"

"Dean: he has gone mad on sweet 'n' low again. He was talking all this rubbish," Harry said before adding, "And what happened here? I can't find my toothpick collection anywhere."

"Harry it's called cleaning; you know with a broom and-"

"No that's called Quidditch."

"Or a mop and a-" Hermione said ignoring Harry.

"George and Fred played on a mop and a vacuum once. It was quite entertaining, especially when they ran into each other." Harry said.

"Oh you get the point of cleaning," Hermione said a little frustrated.

"My toothpicks had points; in fact I had this really pointy, green one that I named Bob." Harry said.

"No you don't," Hermione said before she could cover her mouth.

"Yes I do, I just have to find them."

"Er… you may want to look in the trash," Hermione said diplomatically.

"Oh," Harry said finally getting the drift. In normal circumstances he would probably be morning their death, but the full trauma of the words did not hit him yet because he was still in a daze due to Ginny.

"We really have more important matters on our hands. What is up with Dean? He hasn't just made a habit of tying you up has he?" Hermione asked changing the topic.

"No he had the sweet 'n' low," Harry shuddered.

"Something has got to be done; that much artificial sweetener is probably lethal," Hermione proclaimed.

"Yeah, we should probably do something before the brain damage becomes uncorrectable."

"I just had a superb idea! I recon we could take him to the school psychologist," Hermione said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. She held the psychologist to rather high on her list of idols at the moment.

"Now all we need to do is to catch him," Harry said liking their plan of action.

"I have just the perfect idea," Hermione said.

A ripping noise could be heard from the 5th floor corridor where Harry and Hermione were laying down a trail of sweet 'n' low that lead conveniently to an empty classroom, where they had transfigured one of Harry's trainers into a lion cage (lion not included of course). Harry was now limping around shoeless but Hermione insisted that it was for the betterments of the group. They both ran to the classroom and dumped the excess sweet in low in the cage as they saw Dean turn the corner.

"Ah what is this, my sweetheart?" Dean said picking up the first packet while talking quickly to the air to his left. "It would appear that someone's treasure chest has a hole because it is clearly leaking gold. Lets see where they lead? This may be my lucky day!" Deans said picking up the packets as we went along.

When he came to the cage he proclaimed, "Ah ha, the beast's lair. Fie you dragons this be my resting place tonight!" Dean launched himself on the pile of sweet 'n' low. While he was busy stuffing himself full of sweet 'n' low, Harry and Hermione cautiously approached. Hermione closed the cage while Harry stole Dean's wand.

"Yes," Harry and Hermione yelled with glee.

Dean noticed his predicament began launching himself against the wall, crying, "Not the white rabbit! No, get him away. I swear I didn't cut of his tail! How was I support to know he was the Easter bunny?"

"Nutters that one," Harry confirmed.

"We better get a move on before he tries to eat his way out," Hermione said grabbing a rope that was attached and exiting the classroom.

"Bloody pancakes, that is the last time I listen to them; stoles me waffle they did. They got married too; last time I ever let my food get away. Had to tie up all my baked goods I did. Had to keep them in separate rooms too," Dean was now jabbering to a bookshelf.

"I hope this shrink is all he is cracked up to be," Harry said looking unsure at Dean.

"…And then I said 'unhand the fair ogre' but the princes just wouldn't listen. So I had to drool on her till she let me past…"

Harry stopped abruptly when he saw the size of the door the sign was pointing to, "Hold up, the shrink is a midget?"

" They prefer vertically challenged, and no he is a pirate," Hermione informed him.

"Oh that makes so much ruddy sense," Harry said.

Dean was now trying to lick his butt (without much success) while talking to it vigorously, "Come here, I promise I wont hurt you; I only want a bite. I will get some anesthetics if you want…"

A/N- I love you all! I must have gotten 20 reviews! You all spoil me too much. Sorry the chapter was so short, but next chapter is sure to be a winner. I mean what happens when you put this deranged Dean in the room with a crazy pirate psychologist. Well it is sure to be hilarious. I hope this chapter is up to par. Ok I will leave this part short because I have so many reviewers. One last thing, does anyone know how to make their eyes twitch; I want to learn how!

REVIEWERS- (you all Rock!)

sballLuvr5- Thanks for reviewing. I hope the chap was quick enough for you.

Midnight- Here is the next installment of the plot for you. Hope you enjoy it and Dean hasn't freaked you out too much.

Hjpchick- I don't care when you review just as long as you enjoy the story and review. Secondly, I am flattered like a monkey with a bushel of bananas that you like my story and off center randomness. Glad you like the mirror. When I got your review, I was like herm, how can I get the pirate back? Well I found a way so this next chapter I write is for you. (and all those other great pirate lovers out there)

Lavender Brown17- thank you, I shall try and keep the laughs coming!

sballLuvr5- Ah Ha it is you again! How spiffy! I am quite chirpy about all the reviews!

o.O- first of all, the amazing face cracks me up… Thank you for that "detail" on males… I actually have to confess that I was going to do something along those lines, but now I just have more incentive. If you have any more facts, keep them coming. You're the first to come up with an idea and frankly sometimes I really need them.

romanceFreak!- Thanks for the ideas. I will try and get more Ron and Hermione action in here, although I don't know about my next chapter. I am planning on having some hogsmead trip in the story, but I think I will add it in a bit latter.

iloveanimals – Thank you, thank you, thank you; I am flattered. I quite agree, guys are weird… but then so are we around that time of the month. Thanks for offering the grammar help, but I have a beta (who is very lazy I might add) so I will try and yell at her some more incase she really has been slacking off. I might take you up on the offer latter though if she keeps this up… Thanks for adding me to the favorites list!

hick from- Thank you for reviewing so much it made me all smiley inside... Sorry the mirror is so scary, but sadly there are people out there like that… I know Hermione is not a vegan, but I am a vegetarian so I decided to make her one… I think I can definitely add a little comic real life if she goes on a huge animal rights protest and stops wearing dragon hind gloves and stuff.

hick from the sticks stell- Sorry about the typos (blame my beta). I hope you enjoy the catfight in this chapter… I agree all males should go through it at least once, especially because I am going through it right now and it is bloody annoying (quite litterly). Thank you for all the lovely reviews!

hick from the sticks stell- Sorry but they have wedged their heads too far up their asses and it is going to be a long and grueling process of pulling it back out (and don't forget funny). It will happen eventually and I will have to lean to write mushy romance, but ah well. It will be a learning experience. My cat is acting weird again…

hick from the sticks stell- Thanks for the spelling corrections. You want to hear about Ron's tush, eh? I will try and make it happen… the gay mirror can comment on it at the very least… red heads are pretty sexy!

hick from the sticks stell- Don't worry; Ron wont be sent to Azkaban for murder but he may be twisting a few arms here or there… He will be like a dragon on a rampage sooner or later if they don't back off soon I quite agree. May the muffin be with you…

hick from the sticks stell- I though the quaffle was a stroke of genius… your review was quite funny too; it gave me a little chuckle! I am glad I changed mine to humor instead of general it makes the world better.

hick from the sticks stell- Lol, us dyslexic people are use to the criticism of our spelling and now just blame it on our sister (who is the beta). Well keep on rolling!

AngelicFairy- At least all guys aren't like Seamus and Dean, but sadly a lot are. As for Snape I shudder to think of them being related. I just hope he doesn't come back. Thanks for the review… my cat's butt is in my face so it is hard to type… 

LilyTheBlonde- Yay, another splendid review. I am glad that you think I am your favorite writer! I totally know how you have to love your friend's stories because they are you friends. Your chipmunk is great; I have plans for him muhahahaha…. As for coffee I am not really a drinker of it either. It is more of a social thing you know… I like tea though…. Yum peppermint! Ouch my cat is clawing my hand; I should really make him stop… but he is too cute! I will try and have the painters once in one of the following chapters. Well I have a headache so I better go…

PsychoHaired- I hope you have reached this chapter… sorry about the spelling; I will try to keep it under control…

RainDateChick-Thank you, thank you; keep reviewing!

b2bbrules3326- I think you really liked this chapter because it is all about sweet 'n' low man! He cracks me up really… ecstatic to hear that it made you laugh. I will try and continue!

One With A Constant Sugar High- Yeah, I have a feeling we won't see any mirrors for a while, but oh well. I promise that I will get Ron out of the hospital in the next few chapters… it is definitely funnier when he is around.

Review!


	18. The Upsides of Shakespeare

Disclaimer- the squirrel and the chipmunk are on a honeymoon! Anyways, that means I am home, all alone, trying to work up to the standards of Shakespeare and J.K. Rowling whom I have borrowed most characters and settings and what not!

Chapter 17 

**In Which Everyone gets Drink**

**Or**

**The Upsides of Shakespeare**

_Dean was now trying to lick his butt (without much success) while talking to it vigorously, "Come here, I promise I wont hurt you; I only want a bite. I will get some anesthetics if you want…"_

"Just how are we supposed to fit this cage through the door?" Harry asked as they knocked on the door.

"No more telemarketers! Ye have enough cheese already. Unless you be selling yer rum, move on or ye will sling ye innards on ye mast and-," cried the voice from inside.

"We are not telemarketers," Hermione exclaimed, opening the door.

"Ah clients come in! Come in!" said uncle Moe-Joe, beckoning them inside. The door magically enlarged so that the cage could easily fit through.

"…If I could –bang- get married to a goat –bang- in a boat –bang- I would just sit and –bang- gloat. Then the -bang- moat…" Dean jabbered on, in-between bouts of hitting his head on the bars of the cage.

"Funny little chap he is. Reminds ye of ye dear old mum," Moe-Joe proclaimed, indicating Dean. Harry did a double take on the situation; Dean clearly wasn't the only person who needed a bit of psychology work in his opining. "Ye were just putting on a pot of rum to boil. Would yer deranged mate like some?" Moe-Joe offered.

"… A tree fell on my old pop and smashed him flat once. After that we called him Sir Flat Face. He got a job at a restaurant as a plate…" Dean said, talking to the desk.

"Ye take that as a yes," He confirmed pouring four cups of smoking rum. Harry and Hermione seated themselves next to the cage. He continued, "So, what seems to be yer dilemma today? Ye all look fit for the seas!"

"HE IS!" Harry said, pointing to Dean, who was currently jabbering about how he did a strip show for a bottle of firewisky and a pair of dentures.

"Funny little chap! Haven't seen anything like it in ages. Where did ye raid it? I might want one ye self. Looks useful for disposing of stuff or torturing ye traitorous enemies. It's more effective than walking the plank!" Moe-Joe exclaimed, throwing his hands up wildly and splashing rum on everyone.

"This _thing_ used to be human," Hermione clarified.

"Ye got to be shitting ye," Moe-Joe said, bringing his head close to the bars. "This thing surely isn't human any more." At that very same moment, Dean stopped eating his shirt and jammed his head through the bars and began snogging Moe-Joe. Moe-Joe rocketed out of reach and cried, "Holy mother ship! Ye'll cut of yer tongue and stuff it down yer own gullet if ye try that stunt again! Even ye rum can't wash down that stench of artificial sweetener."

"See what a predicament we are in. He used to be a normal wizard!" Harry declared.

"Well the chap ain't no more. He got cabin fever; seen it happen to men who ain't seen a lady for months, but never so young!"

"The problems not that he is err- gay, which he isn't," Hermione said hastily, "Just this artificial sweetener has done something to him!"

"Ye sure he isn't looking at the wrong side of the mass?" Moe-Joe said, his eyes twitching.

"Yes!" Harry and Hermione said in unison.

"Positive he is not looking around for other ships' bows?" Moe-Joe continued.

"YES!" they both screamed.

"Well then ye don't see what is wrong," he declared unlatching the cage.

"NO!" Harry and Hermione cried. Dean launched himself at Moe-Joe, latched himself onto his head and began gnawing on his bandana.

"About now ye am thinking ye launched the ship in the wrong direction. This thing is only useful for dinner," Moe-Joe declared, trying to remove Dean with a spatula while sprinkling herbs on him. "Care to share the roast?"

"You can't kill the boy," Harry said appalled.

"Why not?" Moe-Joe said amiss trying to get Dean in the plate.

"Because he is a human!" Harry yelled.

"Why didn't you say so before?" Moe-Joe said as Dean escaped his grasp and began tearing up the carpet. "Well I certainly hope HE is cooking dinner then," Moe-Joe said eyeing Dean strangely.

They sat in relative silence for a minute, listening to Dean sing passionate love songs to a lamp before Hermione said, "He wasn't always like this… he used to be relatively levelheaded."

"Ya, but now he is out of control. He tied me to my bedpost for crying out loud!" Harry exclaimed.

"Kinky; do tell ye how this came about!" Moe-Joe exclaimed leaning closer. Hermione leaned in close to find out how it all started.

"IT WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING NOT EVEN THE SHEEP. THEY HAD ALL PASSED OUT AFTER HAVING SWEET LOVE WITH THE MAFIA!" Dean shouted.

"No, it all started last year when Dean went home for Christmas. His mom was on this huge diet where they would eat non-cooked vegetables. Anyways she also outlawed sugar. So Dean's mum went out and got loads of sweet 'n' low because Dean won't eat veggies without something sweet. Well anyways he kept eating it when he got back and started smuggling it to class and stuff as a snack. His girlfriend eventually decided it was either her or the sweet 'n' low because kissing that amount of artificial sweetening was ruining her teath. Needless to say, he chose the sweet 'n' low. Things started to get pretty scary up in the 6th year boys' dorm. Dean started washing his hair with sweet 'n' low. He didn't even recognize his best mate; he thought Seamus was a yam and tried to eat him. It was like a cult or something. The last straw was when he stripped Neville in the common room and painted on a tuxedo to his naked body with dyed sweet 'n' low. So us boys decided that we had to do something before it got any worse; Neville stole all the sweet 'n' low while in great peril and apparently hid it. Luckily, Hogwarts doesn't have a supplier of sweet 'n' low. He was even crazier after that. He painted a bloody mural of him and the sweet 'n' low. You really didn't want to know what else he did. Eventually we subdued him by some nifty hypnotizing by a random 7th year. But somehow he re-found the Sweet 'n' low-" Harry explained.

"We were cleaning and he came across it. Seamus, Neville, and I hightailed it out of there before it was full blown. But apparently Harry wasn't as lucky-" Hermione butted in.

"Yeah, he came in and tied me to the bedpost and taped a sweet 'n' low packet on me. And so we captured him and here we are," Harry finished up.

Moe-Joe clapped furiously and exclaimed, "Oy! That is a mighty fine tale! Poor chap though, no rum in his life! Where is the compassion?"

"Well, do you think you can fix him?" Hermione asked eyeing Dean who was now waltzing with the lamp.

"I! This is going to require some rarely used techniques," Moe-Joe said standing up.

"Aren't all his techniques rare?" Harry whispered to Hermione.

"Shhhhhh-" Hermione scolded in rapt attention.

"Uhhh, come to me back room," he said, going to a hole that looked like a door only a small turtle could fit through. He somehow managed to get his whole self through and the other two followed suit, leaving dean in the room with the door locked. They emerged into a vast volt.

"Wow, is this where you keep your ship?" Hermione said ripe with curiously, noting the large pool in the room.

"Right ye are! Ye shall lead ye to me pride and joy: the Lady Slayer," He shouted rounding a large pile of wreckage that looked like it could have been a shipwreck. "Here ye are!" he declared proudly. Harry and Hermione gaped at his boat; it was a small rowboat that had the words Lady Slayer scrawled across its side in a rather drunken handwriting.

"Why do you look up to him?" Harry asked Hermione, totally baffled.

"A sturdy ship she is! Ye be going through everything together," Moe-Joe continued, "Now where did ye put that?"

"Hun, you left it under your lantern," said a voice from behind them. Harry and Hermione spun around and stared at Moaning Myrtle (N/A - is that spelled right?).

"Wait! You and the PIRATE?" Harry shouted baffled.

"Ye have a problem with my fair lady? I, ye will skin ye and make ye into a pair of trousers!" Moe-Joe threatened.

"It is just the age difference," Harry tried to cover up quickly.

"You think I am old and ugly!" Myrtle cried.

"Hun, he is delusional. Ye be sure he hears voices and things. Don't listen to him you are drop dead stunning."

"I am dead you idiot," She screamed and dove into the lake pool.

"See ye for dinner- ye mean at 7 then Hun!" Moe-Joe shouted, then turned to the other two and said, "Bet yer jealous of me lady, eh?"

There was an awkward silence and then Hermione broke it, "So what were you looking for?"

"Oy! This be it!" He exclaimed, pulling a large book from under a large pile. "Follow me; I shall cure ye dear mate!"

They went out of the room and back to where Dean had broken the lamp and was now poking himself with the glass and saying ouch when it touched his skin. Moe-Joe riffled through the pages until he exclaimed, "Here we are; Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare." Hermione squealed in excitement, while Harry was still trying to determine if the pirate could actually read. "Ok, Harry ye can be Lucentio, and ye there can be Bianca, and ye and the sweet 'n' low will play the rest. Oh here rope up the boy and come over so ye can read with me."

They did what he had requested and when Dean was tied up, Moe-Joe put various costumes on the sweet 'n' low. He held up one sweet 'n' low and began in a drunken voice, "I'll freeze you, in faith."

He held up another one and continued, "A pair of stocks, you rogue!" And so they went through the play, rapidly changing artificial sweetener characters as needed. (If you don't know the story well, I suggest you go read it or look at spark notes) Hermione was doing exceptional with her lines; after all she was well accustom to Shakespeare. Dean had tried a few fatal attempts at escape, but eventually began paying attention to the story the three told. By the end he and Hermione were near tears and all of them where extremely drunk (complements of Moe-Joe).

"'Tis a Wonder, by your leave, she will be tamed so," Harry finished. Dean and Hermione began bawling as Harry and Moe-Joe were now examining the gold paint on the cover of the book.

"Tis pretty damn shiny!" Moe-Joe exclaimed.

"Yeah, you recon we could blind something with it if you got a really bright light-" Harry laughed.

"Shut up; this is so beautiful," Hermione said.

"Ya it is so real… here Kat is and no one knows her because she doesn't want to get hurt, but in the end she fails like everyone," Dean sighed, tears flooding down his cheeks.

"Let's let him out," Moe-Joe said, caught up in the mood. He untied Dean and returned the sweet 'n' low. "Ye think it be safe to say he be more sane then the rest of us?"

"Now that I have the sweet 'n' low back, I don't think I can eat it. This could be Katherina or Sly or maybe Baptista. They are my friends; I just can't do it," Dean said pocketing his newfound friends.

"Group hug!" Hermione screamed. They all hugged for a little while.

"Well first impressions can be misleading; Uncle Moe-Joe, you are the best!" Harry exclaimed.

"Ye not a bad chap either! Blimie look at the time! Myrtle will be here soon!" Moe-Joe hollered.

"We are leaving!" the three said, exiting. Harry transfigured his trainer back from a cage in the process.

From the door they heard, "Ye gonna get laid today!"

"Can ghosts shag?" Dean wondered aloud.

"I don't really want to know," Hermione informed the others as they swaggered down the hallway.

They where silent for a while and then Dean said, "Wow that was almost a religious existence."

"Yah."

"FREE AT BLOODY LAST!" Ron exclaimed. He was skipping he was so happy to be away from the hospital wing and Parvati; could a girl get any more annoying? Well, except Hermione, she was pretty bloody annoying too! She hadn't actually paid a wink of attention to him unless it was she yelling at him. Women are just so annoying. He would probably swear the whole lot of them off it wasn't that they could be so attractive at times. At this very moment Lavender happened to run smack dab into him.

"Sorry Hermione," She said helping him up, "Have you seen Parvati? I am so worried! She could have died for all I know!"

"She is in the hospital wing," Ron hissed.

"Well thanks; feeling better?" She asked.

"Ya! I am free to do whatever I please as soon as I mail this," Ron said showing her a parchment. Lavender noted that it has Krum written on it.

"Well see you around then," Lavender said leaving. She waited till Ron was out of sight and then ran to the owlry; she had to see what the letter said. It probably had big clues as to the puzzle they called Hermione and Ron's relationship. A minute after she had entered the room and hidden herself, Ron entered.

"Oi, Pig get your arse down here," Ron yelled. Pig came flying down. Ron attached the letter and told pig, "Deliver this to Krum and give him a good pecking while you are there. Now get out of my bloody hair!" After a few minutes of fighting for his head not to become a nest and eventually throwing Pig out the window, he walked off to do something in the few remaining hours before bed.

Lavender came out from hiding and ran to the window and said, "Accio Pig." One of Hagrid's pigs came hurling at the window. 'Ok Lavender, calm down,' she told herself. The pig was smelling around the owlery. 'You know Pig is a nickname; let's see what is the real one: Pig Head? No. Pigeon? No. Pigwigen!' "Accio Pigwigen!" Pig came pelting back at her.

"Yes," she took the letter off the leg and made a copy. This was important she had to show Parvati. She sent Pig with the original copy and ran to the infirmly with her copy.

In a corner of the Gryffindor common room Hermione, Harry and Dean sat full of drunken glee.

"So let me get this straight; you almost shagged her twin by mistake? Dude, that's living on the edge," Harry exclaimed.

"I honestly don't see- hiccup- why all you two want- hiccup- to do is shag," Hermione hiccupped.

"Ron has your dick frozen off or something from lack of use?" Dean questioned.

"Nope," Hermione said.

"Let's just face it; we are never going to get to shag someone at this rate. We are all still virgins for crying out loud," Harry complained.

"Don't you want to lose it to someone you-hiccup- care about?" Hermione asked, "I do."

"Ya I guess, but I am getting a little desperate; I haven't snogged a girl in 3 months," Dean said.

"You think that is sad; I haven't snogged a single girl," Harry sighed.

"Ouch. Oh look, here comes Hermione; she doesn't seem too happy," Dean said.

"He –hiccup- is just angry cause he can't handle the truth," Hermione said, without noticing she had called him he; but they where so drunk that it didn't click.

"Ron, what happened to little Miss. Let's study after dinner; It's 9:00," Ron fumed.

"I can't say I know who you are –hiccup- talking about," Hermione pouted.

"Think cat fight and chocolate ring a bell?" Ron said rapping on her head.

"Must not be able to think with such-hiccup- a thick scull!" Hermione screamed.

"What is wrong with you, Hermione, besides the usual? ARE YOU DRUNK?" he said pulling Hermione way from the others, "Are they drunk too?"

"No silly; I am not drunk! -Hiccup- See!" she said attempting to walk in a straight line but fell, "Ok-hiccup- maybe a little, but so?"

"Geez Hermione, how stupid can you get?" Ron said, then it dawned on him; "Hermione, know-it-all, oh-so-perfect, never-set-a-foot-out-of-line Granger is drunk out of her mind. I can't believe it."

"Yes and Ronald thickheaded-git, never-put-a-bit-of-effort, lazy-Quidditch-butted Weasley is crying over a –hiccup- missed study date," Hermione said, letting the alcohol take over.

"I am not crying," Ron retorted. "Lets go up stairs and see if we can't sober you up a bit."

"I am just fine thank –hiccup- you very much," Hermione said.

"Well you don't look it and it is my body so I get last say; now let's go," Ron stated marching her up the boys staircase.

"Ron, have you ever read Shakespeare? It's beautiful," Hermione said.

"Shake-a-what?" Ron wondered.

"Well you should!" Hermione proclaimed, "Dean likes it too!"

"Oh speaking of them, I better get him and Harry before you blabbering idiots get any stupider," Ron scowled. He returned a few minutes later with Harry and Dean.

"Look, I am not tired and I don't want to go to bed," Dean pouted.

"Yeah, you're not my bloody mother!" Harry said, his eyes going wide and softly said, "She is dead," before running to his bed and pulling the curtains around the bed.

"Well at least I have my family," Dean said hugging all his sweet 'n' low packets. Ron went into the bathroom and got the three glasses of water in hopes that it would help. After a while of their babble, he decided to leave them to their misery and lock the door. When they where somber enough to perform an unlocking spell then they could come out.

As he left the room Hermione cried out, "Don't leave yet, will you read me to sleep?"

Ron had half a mind to leave, but something told him that he should read so he got about a Quidditch magazine and began to read, "The Lightning is the fastest broom in the world! It is also know for it's excellent ability to change directions. Doctor Mathews says, 'this broom is a work of art; none but the brightest could come up with such a prefect design.'…" Ron continued to read to Hermione and they both slowly drifted off to sleep in the same bed. To dream of Quidditch, each other, and Ron's fine arse.

Neville and Seamus came into the room gingerly afraid that Dean might attack. They noted him passed out on the floor and thought it was a rather good thing he was not awake. Gingerly they placed one of his blankets on him and observed that Hermione had found her way into Ron's bed.

"Kinky; I wish that happened to me more often," Seamus told Neville who rolled his eyes. Dean rolled over in his sleep, Seamus and Neville got into bed, and Hermione snuggled closer to Ron as she dreamt. It was a rare, but for once, things seemed to be going well and all was silent. Not a creature was stirring, not even a house elf.

A/N ok, I know it took me over a month to update! I am so sorry! I am not too sure about this chap and it is a little short, but I figured I better update. Also, I am trying to make the plot a little less complicated so I hoped this chapter tied some things up. Ok, I am going to also try and keep my review thanks shorter so I can spend more time on the story. But keep reviewing they make me keep writing!

PS. I have been thinking about possible stories to write in addition to this so I though I would just throw some of them at you to see which one you would like:

When Bad People go Good (humor)- Voldemort announces he is to write his first ever autobiography to attract more death eaters. While looking for his first plan to conquer the world in his attic he comes across his conscious that had been transformed into a rubber duck years ago. As he becomes reacquainted with his good side his Dark Lord polices begin to change. The death eaters become garbed in pink and the dark mark is changed to a large bunny ect. Voldemort starts undoing all his evil deeds with his rubber duck on his shoulder. Eventually even proposing to Dumbledore. Harry, however, looses fame and is still vengeful against the newly flamboyant dark lord. So was this the last straw? Has Harry finally tumbled off to the dark side? Is he the new Dark Lord? (Quite random I know)

Medieval Madness or The Second Accident (humor/romance) Possible second volume to this story- Ginny and Harry want so lone time so they lock Hermione and Ron in a closet. Little did they know their plan goes horribly wrong and Hermione and Ron are somehow transported back to the Middle Ages. With no wands and witch-hunts everywhere what will they do? Plus can Ron cope with the muggle world? And what happens with Hermione trying to speak out for female rights? But moreover will they got back to the present before a local duke seduces Hermione?

The Third Accident (humor/romance) Possible third volume to this story- Ron clearly wasn't listening to hard when George and Fred gave him the sex talk because now Hermione is pregnant. The miracle of childbirth sparks chaos in the family as Hermione is convinced that it's a girl and Ron thinks it's a boy. What could be funnier than Ron planning out his sons Quidditch schedule including getting a 5 month pregnant Hermione on a broom so the baby can start its practice early? Also how will Ron cope with Hermione's choice of floral dresses for his little son's wardrobe? But who is right? Will it be a boy or girl? Or Twins? Eye to Eye: The Story of People Getting Poked in the Eye (humor/romance) First book in second trio I am writing- Hermione Weasley is Alex Weasley's dear old mum. As a normal 7th year she doesn't see eye to eye with her mother. After all who does? Anyways She is a Quidditch fanatic tomboy who is harassed by her 9 younger siblings (ok so she can stand some of them but still), Victory Krum (her Quidditch teacher who still harbors a grudge because Ron won Hermione), and her arch nemesis Junius Malfoy. Luck for her she has two best friends to help her through it: Fabio your typical gay guy and Crystal a crazy feminist lesbian. They spend the summers on a couch in the back yard watching the only channel they can get consisting of old black and white samurai reruns and trying to do marshal arts. But when school starts it is one crazy adventure after the other. Little do they know that people they thought they knew oh so well (mainly Junius Malfoy) are finally going to show their true colors. Junius Malfoy is one of the least understood students at Hogwarts and a polar opposite to Alex. Though is father forces him to follow the Malfoy tradition he is far different. Secretly he is against it all right down to his father's insistence on him hating Alex. After all when you father gives you a girls picture to glair at for hours on end well the first few hours you are trying to think of things you can do to torture them. But by the end you have created them a flawless personality in your head that you cant help but fall in love with. With these things stated just imagine what will happen when Draco Malfoy is killed in the summer before sixth year. 

Kindling to bonfire: A Story of Two People Who Forgot to Bring Matches (humor/romance) Second book in the second trio I am writing- Junius and Alex are on much more friendly terms but as their choice of occupation requires them to learn how to survive without a wand they have to take a force on surviving in the forest. You know what that means they are spending a month in the forest with only themselves. Increasing hilariousness incuse!

Six Point Eight Three Years of Bad Luck (humor)- Ron becomes obsessed with a mirror that gives him good advice. Hermione however gets pissed about how Ron spends so much time with it and Dares Ron to write a history of mirrors. This is the story. Utopia (romance)- Lily and her squib best friend go to a part magical part muggle summer camp. In the summer before 1st year they uncover a book on old magic. The kind of magic you don't need a wand to perform and it is pretty powerful stuff. The girls create their one sort of religion using the book guidelines. Each year they proclaim it the year of some earthly material. They keep these in little containers so that they can carry it around with them and as a pledge of friendship (one of the core beliefs of their religion) they draw designs on themselves with the materials they collected in remembrance of their grand summers. First year was the year of water, followed by clay, then charcoal, grass, dandelion, blackberry, and finally the year of the lily, seventh year. But as the girls got older they decided that their goal was clear to slowly shape the world like their camp. A camp that they saw as a utopia where everything was earthy and free. Where everyone was at peace and no one was worried about social borders or how hot the boy sitting next to them was. Or perhaps it seemed that way up until James failed his muggle studies class and his mother forced him to attend their camp. Lily and James really didn't know each other before James step foot in camp 'Utopia' by more than a name and social position. So what will happen when Lily finds that James has just popped into her camp that she clamed was a place to run away for the rest of the world namely her sister and school? 

Reviewers-

Whatdoihavetodo- Thank you! I love when people add me to their favorites list! Keep on enjoying the story!

Ilovefireyredheads- here is the update! I am a weird person as it explains the weirdness. Hope you like this next chap.

Thesongremainsthesame- glad this cracks you up! I added a lot more random Deanness hope it pleases you!

sunmoon42- I hope I updated fast enough!

i-love-animals- I shall let you know if I need your assistance. Thanks! Sorry this update took so long. I hope it is up to your standards!

AngelicFairy- Happy that it gave you the laughs! As for Ron being out of character, well everyone is around his or her monthlies. (just wait till the next chap!)

Lipgloss- Glad that you are hooked. I am sorry, but Ron and Hermione are going to have to fight a lot more but don't worry we will reach the point eventually. Next chap I promise that Ron and Hermione will spend time together.

PsychoHaired(too lazy to sign in) – I hope I got a bit back on plot! I have been trying! Keep me listed on whether I am actually coming through on it! Chow till the next chap! (thanks for adding me)

b2bbrules3326- Thanks! Keep reviewing! And laughing!

silver vague- Yay! you're back! I will try and keep writing, even if I am slow!

silver vague – Thanks I am honored! Happy dance!

sballLuvr5- They are going to be in each others bodies for a good 2 weeks or so. Sorry it took so long to update.

EvilsmileyfaceofDOOM- Yay! People still like my story!

RainDateChick- here is another random yet well random chap that I hope you enjoy!

Fanglessphysco- yes I know it cracks me up too! I can't wait to writing in my "we are deep inside the Weasley lair of doom!" "Fred we are in a cardboard box under the kitchen table" thingy!

Lavender Brown17- The kissing will come later; I mean Ron hasn't even gotten his period yet! I am also honored that you think this is the funniest thing you read!

One With A Constant Sugar High- AHHA! I am so proud that you like it! Poor you, getting up early! I hate doing that! So what did ya think of this chap?

hpchick13- Was the meeting of Moe-Joe and Dean up to your standards? It was quite hard to try and top the last meeting with either of them… Sorry that it took so long to update!

Yes 18 reviews! I am soooooo Happy!

NOW PPL REVIEW FOR MY SAKE! AND ADD ME TO YOUR FAVORITS LIST!


	19. AN

Dear Readers,

If you have not noticed I have no written for ages. I am very sorry… At the moment I am at a point in the story where a feel I have started to spiral off on random hilarious tangents that have nothing to do with the plot (i.e. the whole sweet 'n' low thing). Plus the new book totally ruined parts of the plots. So readers could you help me on what I should do:

Stop writing my story all together

Write a epilogue and end the story

Start a new story

Finnish this story even though the book completely ruined it

Revise it and make it plausible to what happened HPHBP

Revise it so it is more on topic but not necessarily up to date with the books

Something else?

Thanks…. I hope you have not lost interest.


	20. Ron's Bad Mood

Disclaimer- I don't own it! So don't sue me!

**Chapter 18**

**In Which Many Hearts Are Broken**

**Or**

**Ron's Bad Mood**

"Kinky; I wish that happened to me more often," Seamus told Neville who rolled his eyes. Dean rolled over in his sleep, Seamus and Neville got into bed, and Hermione snuggled closer to Ron as she dreamt. It was a rare, but for once, things seemed to be going well and all was silent. Not a creature was stirring, not even a house elf…

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The sunlight cast a bright shadow on the clean room of the boy's dorm as Crookshanks (A/N – man? Woman? What?) nudged the door open with his paw. He slunk over to Ron's bed and jumped up onto the crimson sheets. He settled himself on Hermione's chest and began to lick her face. After all, Crookshanks was not one to be fooled for long; he knew who was his owner despite the change in appearance.

**"**Not now Hun. The alarm did not go off yet," Hermione said pushing the cat's face away from her. Ron rolled over in the bed and curled up closer to Hermione. Feeling a body huddle against her own Hermione groggily said, "Lavender is that you?"

She tried to open her eyes but as soon as she had she regretted it. She had a horrible headache. 'What was I doing last night,' she wondered.

"Humph…. Ginny out of my be…" Ron grunted.

"Ron is that you," Hermione suddenly sputtered as she realized who was next to her. She sat up abruptly making Crookshanks fall off her chest and tried to get her bearings.

"Ginny shud'up and go away," Ron said trying to burrow under the covers. Yep it was definitely Ron Hermione decided and then pushed him off the bed. He fell to a heap on the floor and sprang back up.

"Alright missy I have had- wait a tick, Hermione!" Ron flailed.

"Be quiet you are hurting my head. What are you doing here? Are you trying to ruin my reputation? If anyone saw you here I will be the talk of the whole school," Hermione hissed.

"Want to talk about ruining people's images? How about me finding you drunk yesterday; what are you playing at Hermione?" Ron said now getting his bearing.

Seamus pulled back his bed hangings and noticing who was talking before hollering, "Its too early for a lovers quarrel."

"Now you've done it!" Hermione screamed before grabbing her wand and stomping into the bathroom and locking the door. She cursed herself for getting drunk as her head pounded rather painfully. She gave herself a hangover reducer charm but that didn't help much.

Ron threw up his hands in frustration; man, women are annoying. He looked at his clock on the bedside table; there wouldn't be enough time to practice Quidditch this morning so he stomped out of the room to get dressed.

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Harry sat in-between his two best friends during breakfast, with a delightful hangover. Both Ron and Hermione refused to say a word, in fact nothing notable happened at all until morning mail arrived.

A bright yellow parakeet came swooping down on Ginny who sat a few seats away from the trio and dropped a howler on her head. She looked confused at the letter in her hand but then decided opening it. It jumped up and began screaming in a voice that sounded a lot like George and Fred. Which is to say that you really can't tell the difference between the two voices.

"_GINNY YOU LIEING LITTLE PRAT! OUR CLOTHES ARE PINK! WHAT DID YOU DO?_ Gin Hun seriously! Come on Fred can't be seen in Pink! He has a reputation to keep up! Pink is sooooooo not his color hun… it clashes horrible with his dress! _WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!_ Fred its true! _GEORGE!_ Fred does this look like the face of a liar? No. Just trust me here pink with that dress, sooooooo unattractive. You're not going to pick up a single guy like that honest! _I AM GONNA KILL YOU WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!_ FRED GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! REMEMBER WHO THE ENEMY IS HERE, GINNY, NOT ME! _Oh yes that's right! Ginny! If you don't fix our cloths right away I swear that we will personally see to it that you are the only one home with mum! She will tear you to pieces!_ You know I think pink makes me look manly… _George shove it! Ginny send a cure or else!_"

After everyone had stopped laughing, the trio left the great hall. Ron and Hermione managed to switch their homework assignments without Harry's notice and they all trotted down to the dungeons for their potions class.

Snape waltzed into the classroom a few minutes later and barked, "Finnegan collect all the essay at once and put them on my desk. Class, today we are starting our unit on Apithy, the study of potions that can change appearances. They are the most dangerous and difficult things I am aloud to teach you. Today we will be brewing a Hags Draft. Now can anyone tell me what that is and how to apply the potion?" Hermione's hand automatically was thrown into the air and eyes all around turned towards her.

Snape was stunned into silence before skeptically saying, "Mr. Weasly are you honestly sure such that you know what I am talking about?"

"Yes Professor, the Hags Draft is a potion that allows the user to appear to others as someone unimportant. It is applied by opening a flask of it in front of a mirror and inhaling the fumes," Hermione said rapidly; Snape was taken aback once more.

Finally when he realized there was no reason that he could take off points he continued, "Well then class, take out your books and brew me a Hags Draft. The instructions are on page 73. Gather in groups of 4 and I will be testing you at the end of class. By the way Mr. Weasly, since you're the expert at this, I hope we will have no trouble brewing it."

Neville, Harry, Ron, and Hermione paired up at a cauldron and began following the directions. While they were waiting ten minutes before having to add the eye of mermaid Harry asked, "Ron, how did you know about Hags Draft?"

Hermione realized then that she probably was acting way out of character of Ron. She quickly lied, "Hermione told me." Ron gave her a glare and went back to smashing dandelion seeds.

By the end of the class most of the potions had turned out to be complete disasters and several of their classmates were sent to the hospital wing to remove the extra appendixes. Somehow Harry's group had managed to get theirs to work but since half of the Gryffindor had been mutated, Snape had a look on his face like Christmas had come early.

The trio split up; Harry and Hermione trotted off to muggle studies while Ron found his way to Ancient Ruins.

------------

"CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT THIS IS?" Bellowed a walrus like man named Hogsmold, who was the muggle studies substitute, pointing to a toaster. Their former teacher had a run in with his muggle girlfriend and had vanished the second week of term.

"A toaster!" said Harry.

"CORRECT! 10 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!" exclaimed Hogsmold, "AND WHAT DOES IT DO?"

"Toast!" Said Hannah.

"EXELLENT! 13 POINTS TO RAVENCLAW!" Hogsmold bellowed. He put the toaster down and picked up a blender, "NOW WHAT IS THIS?"

"A blender!" Hermione informed him.

"RIGHT YOU ARE! 7 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!" He shouted, "NOW WHAT DOES IT DO?"

"Blend!" Neville said.

"YES! 25 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR! OH YOU ARE A SMART CLASS!" Hogsmold squealed falling off his chair.

-----------

"Hermione, do you know what kind of dragon that the Muggles dug up in 1873 and called it T-Rex? I think it was a Mongolian Razorback but it could be a …" Terry drowned on as he sat with Ron in Ancient Ruins as they 'worked' on their project. Ron tuned Terry out and pretended to read through all the notes Hermione had taken.

"Look Hermione what is up?" Terry announced slightly angry, "I know something is up. You aren't eating your vegetables, you don't pay attention in class or prefect meetings, and you have been trying to snap my head off whenever I talk to you."

"It's none of your damn business," Ron snapped.

"Hermione I never thought this day would come, when you are nicer to people that pester you all day than I, your friend who cares about you. You need to shape up your act!" Terry said before turning away from Ron. Ron grumbled and then slept the rest of the class away.

----------

Lavender marched up to the hospital wing to visit her best friend, Parvati, on her period off. They had decided to call a GPAHP meeting there to further discuss the letter they had intercepted for Krum from Hermione. The hospital wing was quite full with victims of Potions class and so they had to keep their voices down.

"All in session! We will now recite the pledge," Lavender said.

"We solemnly swear that we will uphold a good sense of fashion while uncovering the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about one Hermione Granger and one Ronald Weasly. In doing so we will be empowered to get Parvati her hottie. We shall do this or so help us god!" The two girls recited.

"Ok on to business!" Lavender announced.

'Well it's a sure thing that Hermione does not have a thing for Krum. I mean look at this letter. Plus the way she was talking about him after their date. Which only leads me to believe that she has a thing for Ron," Parvati announced.

"Yes, that makes sense, but does Ron return the feelings?" Lavender questioned.

"I don't know. I think we need to do more snooping. Maybe we should question his dorm mates. Oh I see Dean and Seamus over in the corner… I think… does Dean have a hand coming out of his head? Oh never mind it looks more like a claw. Well at any rate you are on good terms with them aren't you? Why don't you go over there and do some investigating," Parvati concluded.

"Superb idea I shall do so immediately," Lavender announced getting up and sauntering to the mangled bodies of Dean and Seamus.

"Oi lavender, escaped from potions class unharmed I see," Seamus said cheerfully his orange Ear on his forehead wobbling slightly.

"Yes, so did Ron and Hermione I noticed. They seem to be getting along rather well after that big fight they had don't they," Lavender said bating her lashes.

"I don't know about that, this morning they had a huge fight in Ron's bed. It even woke me up!" Seamus explained.

"They where in Ron's bed together?" Lavender said her curiously perking up.

"Yeah! I found Hermione and Ron asleep together when I came into our room last night. Dean do you remember what happened?"

"No man, everything from last night was a blur…" Dean explained rubbing his head.

"Do you think there is something between them?" Lavender said wide-eyed.

"You know now that you mention it they seem rather keen about each other. I think you might be right," Seamus devised.

"Oh my!" Lavender squealed, "I have to tell Parvati!" without another word she trotted of to Parvati bed and explained the horrible news.

"They where in bed together?" Parvati howled flopping back onto her bed, "Oh I am through! Ronald Weasly has broken my heart! He slept with another women! How could he do this to me? We were soul mates!"

"I am soooo sorry Parvati," Lavender soothed.

"I loved him," Parvati began to sob.

"Parvati he wasn't all that good looking, you don't need to cry about him," lavender said trying to make her friend feel better.

"But he was," She sobbed.

"Well he isn't smart like Terry, famous like Krum, or brave like Harry," Lavender said hurriedly.

"Oh my god your right!" Parvati said perking up, "Krum is soooooo famous and nice. He is sooooo mysterious, and he is single!"

"That's right!" lavender encouraged, "Plus he is older so he is more mature!"

"Lavender, I think I am in love," Parvati sighed.

------------

Ron exited Ancient Ruins and walked to the great hall for lunch but was stopped halfway there by a hand on his back.

"Hermione we need to talk," Krum said leading him to an empty classroom. Ron had to admit he was a wee bit scared. "Look Hermione, I love you. And… and… well… I know now that you will never like me the way I like you… I mean I understand…" Krum shifted uncomfortably, "well I can pretend that it doesn't hurt me… because it does… you mean the world to me… But I want you to be happy and I want to be happy too… So I guess what I am saying is…" He stopped and rung his hands trying to make up his mind, "The point is… I know that I could never be just friends with you now because of the feelings I harbor for you… and so I am leaving after this fall term and … well I would like you not to write me. It would just make the hurt worse," Krum finished keeping his eyes averted from Ron the entire time.

Ron was stunned into silence. For once in his life he actually felt sorry for Krum. To be frank, Krum was the embodiment of everything Ron wanted to be. To Ron their seemed nothing Krum couldn't do. But suddenly in this last minute Krum became human. The idea that Krum could not be hurt was shattered as Ron looked at the sunken form of Krum. Ron felt guilty because he knew it was his work that had hurt Krum.

"What?" was all Ron could manage to say.

"Hermione, it's not your fault and it's not mine. We just need to go our separate ways. I am sorry I know you wanted us to be friends." He shifted awkwardly once more and glanced around the room before quickly continuing once more, "Look I have a flying class to get ready for I have to go. I really am sorry and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday… Maybe we will see each other when we are older and become friends once more. But I can't take it right now Hermione. Goodbye," Krum finished, leaving Ron alone in the classroom. Ron decided not to have lunch in the great hall after all he was feeling lower than low at the moment.

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A/N- so it took me half a year to write such a short chapter I am sorry. I hope this pleases you all! I have been trying to tie up some of the loose ends in the story (am I doing a good job?). Does this chapter fit with the rest? Or is it to sentimental? Do the classes seam realistic enough?


	21. El Ramon the Sea King

Disclaimer- I don't own it! So don't sue me!

**Chapter 19**

**In Which Gryffindor Discovers Nail Polish**

**Or**

_**El Ramon the Sea King**_

_Krum finished, leaving Ron alone in the classroom. Ron decided not to have lunch in the great hall after all he was feeling lower than low at the moment._

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Hermione waited half way threw lunch in hopes of catching Ron. She had decided in muggle studies that this absurd idea of switching bodies had going on long enough. She had walked more than a mile in Ron's shoes and what did she have to show for it? Nothings that's what. She was going to march up to Dumbledore's office dragging Ron along kicking and screaming if she must. When she got there she was going to explain her case and she would get her way or her name wasn't Hermione Jane Granger.

Fed up with waiting for Ron she asked Harry if she might borrow his map for a moment. Harry agreed to let her use it as long as she wasn't going to use it to hurt 'Hermione', because Harry knew that gleam in 'Ron's' eyes far to well. Using the map she found Ron in the kitchens and went to retrieve him.

She entered the door and was about to start on a very long lecture about how no one was suppose to be in the kitchens and such but she noticed the look on Ron's face. She had never seen him like this; it looked as though he might have been crying. He looked of into space and stirred his bowl of stew. It was obvious that he had not noticed Hermione's presence yet.

The best mate side of her that had lain dormant for the last few days perked up and she couldn't help but say, "Ron?" He looked up at her and quickly tried to hide the look on his face. "What's wrong," Hermione said forgetting about their whole row.

"Nothings wrong," Ron growled.

"Oh," Hermione finished in a small voice. After a few seconds, she shook of her spell of friendliness disappeared. "Come on Ron we need to go to Dumbledore and convince him to switch our bodies."

"Fine" Ron said in a bruiting voice. He followed her to Dumbledore's office and she knocked on the headmaster's door.

"Come in, Come in," said a voice from inside. They pushed the door open and entered when Dumbledore saw whom it was, he exclaimed, "Ah I have been wondering when you two would be back. I assume that you have both returned to you normal states have you not?"

As they took seats in front of the headmaster Hermione piped up, "No professor we haven't!"

A mix of mirth and interest crossed Dumbledore's face, "Really?"

"Yes!" Hermione conformed. He pulled out his wand and walked around the pair swishing his wand and muttering.

"Ingenious… a nice bit of spell work here… well I'll be," Dumbledore muttered straitening up, "It would appear Miss Granger and Mr. Weasly that someone is doing my dirty work for me."

"What?" Hermione and Ron both blurted.

"Well it appears that someone has cast a time extending charm on my original one," he clarified.

"Well it can't be too long, right. Three days? A week?" Hermione gulped.

"On the contrary it shall be in effect until you learn to love and understand each other"

"We're doomed," they both said, crest fallen.

"I am sure you shall get out of it some how. In the mean time I guess I aught to help you two out a bit. I shall have your grades for each class you take become your grades not the others. As for the classes you don't take together well we will just have to transfer Miss Granger's grades in Muggle studies and Divinations to Mr. Wesley's Ancient Ruins and Arithmancy and vice versa."

"That will help but wouldn't it make more sense to just move us to the class we are suppose to be in? We'll get behind on the studies for that class," Hermione piped in.

"Yeah and what about the match this weekend. We will lose for sure with Hermione as keeper!"

"What about the head duties? He will screw up all our organization."

"What if someone wants to play me in chess. She will lose fo-"

"Now, now, I think this is a wonderful learning experience for the two of you. I want you both to keep on pretending to be each other. I shall have you miss your second period class each day and you two will spend this time updating each other on your lives, classes, extra circulars, whatever it is that you need to. Your switching back of course is our highest concern. Now of course this will take a lot of time out of your day so as compensation how about when you have managed to switch back I shall award you with 243.6 house points sound fair?" Dumbledore mused.

"243.6 House point? That's like winning an inter Quidditch match!" Ron said amazed.

"243.6 points each," Dumbledore confirmed.

"Hermione if we pull this off there is no way that we won't win the house cup. Even if we are totally butchered in the Quidditch game!" Ron exclaimed excitedly.

"Well then I shall inform the staff of what has happened if you have no further grievances. Now I believe you have a class to attend, let me not keep you from it," Dumbledore finished.

"Thank you professor," they both said leaving.

As they walked down the stair Ron said, "243.6 points each! That's like 486 points!"

"487.4 points," Hermione corrected.

"Whatever, I don't think anyone has ever gotten that many! We are going to be famous!"

"We already are famous you twit! And beside Arnold the Great was awarded 300 points for st-" Hermione exclaimed only to be cut of by Ron.

"Honestly I didn't ask Hogwarts a History!"

As a verbal war raged outside Dumbledore office he sat down and said, "10 points to Gryffindor for some lovely handiwork Miss Weasly."

-------------

Through out the meeting in Dumbledore's office Ginny had been eating. Harry sat across from her flat out starring at her the entire meal, and frankly it was making her feel slightly scared. She nearly hugged Lavender when she came in and sat down next to her.

"Hello Ginny, I just got back from the hospital wing. Parvati's there you know! She is in a horrible state and I am sooooo worried! Anyways so I picked up some nail polish from our room and I am going back there after charms. We are going to paint our nails and do I bit of hunk searching in Witches Weekly. Would you like to join?" Lavender chirped.

"Sorry I have Quidditch practice this afternoon," Ginny said.

"That's too bad. Oh guess what, for the match Saturday I got some gold nail polish. Parvati is going to go with red," Lavender said pulling out the gold nail polish from her bag. It sparkled in the sun just like a snitch, which gave Ginny a very, very devious idea.

"Lavender can I borrow that for the day? I promise to give it back before the match," Ginny asked.

"Sure," Lavender said.

"Thanks," Ginny smiled, she would hate to be on hufflepuff team on Saturday.

-------------

"You're late," said Elair the defense against the dark arts teacher from her desk.

"Sorry professor Dumbledore held us up," Ron said.

"Very well, take your seats," Elair continued, "Last class we finished up our review on vampires. Now we shall go onto reviewing Werewolves! Copy down all the indications of a werewolf from the board please."

As Ron copied the symptoms from the board he began to worry; shabby and sleep deprived were symptoms and Hermione did look tired a lot. Plus Hermione did have a habit of going to bed early some nights when she finished her homework; maybe she really left only to become a werewolf. That was the end of it; Hermione was a werewolf and she had never told him.

He looked over at Hermione in his body furiously taking notes. She would look all to innocent wouldn't she…

-----------

Harry, Ron, and Hermione's next class, charms, went by quickly as they hardly had enough time to finish their tests. After that, Hermione dragged Ron off to meet Terry for the head meeting about who should be the new commentator for the upcoming Quidditch team. After making sure that Ron had safely made it through the common room door Hermione when off to do her homework. Terry arrived a few minutes latter and the meeting began.

"Well I checked the suggestion box and here is the list of names… Harry Potter, well we can't use that one because he is on the team… Walus Walingburg … Luna Lovegood; that might be interesting… The Weird Sisters, well that obviously won't happen! … Me… The parvil twins. Do they even know about Quidditch? … Max Fax (the whore!)… And Neville Longbottom," Terry said rapidly.

"Ummmm… sounds good?" Ron said.

"Hermione you're driving me completely insane! What is up with you? I have never seen you this off whack in my life! In this last weekend alone you professed your love for Ron and about 100 other weird things. You can tell me what is wrong, I am your friend remember…" Terry said fuming because he knew something was up with Hermione and he just couldn't put a finger on it.

"Em… Neville sounds nice?" Ron answered trying to skirt his way around Terry's question.

"HERMIONE!" Terry nearly bellowed with frustration.

"Fine, fine, fine… it's an …um… girl thing you wouldn't understand," Ron tried.

"And why wouldn't I understand?" Terry said.

"Because you a boy!" Ron said obviously.

"Hermione that wont work on me. Now fess up. Young lady your not leaving this meeting till I get it out of you, do I make myself clear?" Terry demanded acting startlingly like McGonagall in a bad mood. Ron franticly searched his brain for something clever and Hermione like to say while all the time thinking of those glorious 487.4 house points he would loose if Terry found out. Then Ron remembered about Krum, he figured women always are so overly dramatic about their love life that this was the perfect cover.

"Fine well you see there is guy I know that liked me but I hurt him, and now I feel just horrible about it," Ron started.

"Poor girl," Terry soothed now that Ron had started talking.

"And well I didn't really like him but I wanted to be friends with him, because well he is not a complete idiot. But he said that we couldn't even be friends. Son now I feel downright horrible about it, but I didn't want to lead him on or anything," Ron said trying to act like Hermione.

"I am sorry I yelled at you Hermione; I just hate seeing you sad and not being able to do anything about it," Terry apologized.

"It's ok," Ron offered.

"For a second there, I thought that, that horrible prat, Ron, had done something to you again, so well I overreacted," Terry explained.

"WHAT!" Ron fumed, that little twit didn't just call me a name, did he?

"I mean Neville would make a great commentator. I shall go right now and ask him if he wants to!" Terry said, realizing that he had just set 'Hermione' off. Terry nearly flew headlong out of the head common room when he saw the look on 'her' face.

Ron decided to go spend some quality time looking through Hermione's stuff...

-------------

"Ron! Its time for our lovely Quidditch practice!" Harry bellowed. He could hardly wait to see Ginny again.

"Just kill me now," Hermione muttered darkly following Harry.

"What a great day! The sky is blue! The grass is green! Ginny's hair is Red!" Harry exclaimed skipping to the pitch.

"Dear god, what have I done to get this punishment?" Hermione moped. Ginny was the last to arrive on the team, she came dragging a large bag of something and grinning from ear to ear.

"Hay I had an idea for a tactic!" Ginny shouted.

"Really? What is it?" called Todd from her left.

"So imagine this, right, next Saturday we all come decked out in gold and red to the match," Ginny started.

"We always do that Gin," Jeff piped up.

"Yes, except instead of having our regular gold, we will charm it to turn the color of the gold the snitch is. So their Seeker will be completely confused! Harry of course will have practiced all week with the "fake snitches" we are creating so we will have no problem," Ginny explained.

"That just might work…" Harry said to the air.

"Right that's what I though you would say so I came prepared," Ginny stated, "All right everyone hands out."

Everyone pulled their hands out of their pocket and looked at Ginny inquiringly. Ginny did a swish of her wand and all their nails had turned gold.

"What! You little witch," Bellowed Todd, "You just painted my nails!"

"Yep," Ginny agreed and swooshed her wand again and their hair was all gold.

"I can't believe you turned my hair gold!" Joe exclaimed.

"Well I did now turn around so I can make your embroidery on your back brighter," Ginny said twisting him around. She then reached into her bag and pulled out and assortment of necklaces, rings, and bracelets which she put on them using force.

"Holy Hippogriff!" Jeff said examining himself in Ginny's pocket mirror, "I look like something from a nightmare!"

"Oh hush the charms wear off in two hours," Ginny proclaimed.

"I can't believe I gave in to you, we will be the laughing stock of the whole school," Harry said examining in golden hair and eyebrows.

"I think it looks ok," Hermione commented.

"WHAT?" screamed the other members of the team, "I swear I am going to kill you Ron!" Hermione decided to jump on her broom and bolt out of there before she was squashed into a pulp. The team was about to follow after her but then they noticed that it did look like the snitch could be any number of places around her.

"Maybe this was a good idea after all," Joe said.

"Of course it is," Ginny grinned.

"Finding the snitch is going to be so bloody hard," Todd exclaimed.

"I think it is time to start practicing. We can have a scrimmage; Ron, Ginny, and Todd against Kelp, Joe and Jeff and I will send out a snitch and practice with it," Harry said professionally. To say the least, the game was a disaster; Ginny kept on dropping the ball because of her sore wrist, Hermione couldn't catch the ball for anything, and Harry caught the snitch only after 2 hours when the charms had started to wear off. At the end of the practice everyone was dead tired. They all gave Ginny the jewelry they had on and their hair only was tinged with gold that was rapidly disappearing. Ginny looked over everyone Nails and began a speech.

"Honestly you all have completely chipped of all the nail polish and I put an extra strength charm on it. Only Ron is able to keep his on! Your homework is to learn how to not chip you polish!" Ginny bellowed removing the last of Hermione's nail polish.

"You can't give us homework. I am team captain," Harry complained.

"Look Mr. Pretty Boy I can give you homework if I want," Ginny glowered at him menacingly. The Team decided not to argue with her and retreated to their dorms instead.

Hermione and Harry walk in silence for a time until Harry broke it, "Ron, I like your sister and all but she is dead scary."

---------

Ron Realized after half an hour of searching through Hermione's room that there was simply nothing of use he could use for blackmail. This disappointed Ron because he believed even people who acted all perfect and innocent like Hermione had deep dark secrets. But then he found something of interest; stacked in-between an advanced theory of Physics book and copy of _Helping Heal Hippogriffs_ he found _Le Ramon the Sea King_. Ron's eyebrows rose as he looked at the cover of _Le Ramon the Sea King Part II: Revenge of Captain Charlie _where a scantily dressed female was held in the arms of a muscular man.

'Hermione reading a trashy romance novel?' Ron thought. He opened the book to where it was bookmarked to see if it was true;

_Le Ramon left his ship and secretly boarded the feared Captain Charlie's ship in search of fair Victoria his lover. He snuck past the guards and entered The Captain's privet chambers. Victory was there in a ball on the floor chained to the bedpost._

_Victoria looked up to see Le Ramon standing in front of her, her heart jumped and fell at the same time, "Le Ramon, my love, you came back for me! But you mustn't be here! It's a trap! The Captain means to kill you!"_

_"I know my beautiful, but I couldn't live with out seeing your face. I Love you," Le Ramon declared taking Victoria in his arms and kissing her passionately. Their tongues intertwined as Le R- _(A/N I have never read a Romance novel so does this sound accurate?)

_'_Oh honestly, how could Hermione read this? It is written porn! Girls are such hippocrates some times; they always scream about boys and their pornographic magazines and this, my friend, is no better' Ron thought.

Terry poked his head in the door of the room, "Hermione, Neville is waiting for you. He says you are supposed to tutor him. If you aren't feeling up to it, I can tutor him for you."

"Would you?" Ron asked not at all keen on tutoring Neville.

"Course I would," Terry said with a smile and wink before leaving. 'Damn' Ron thought, 'Hermione sure had Terry wiped.' Ron would have to keep a better eye on Terry; he didn't trust him in the least.

-------------

"Dinner is a lovely thing," Hermione said, shoveling mashed potatoes into her mouth.

"Right you are," Ron agreed, mouth full of pudding.

"So does this mean you guy have made up?" Harry said.

"Heck no!" They both exclaimed.

"Just checking," Harry said before they tried to hurt him.

They all ate for a few minuets in silence before Ron asked, "Her-Ron do you know what the capital of ancient china is? It's on this Ancient Ruins home work and I don't get it." Harry gave Ron a very funny look and Hermione kicked him under the table, "ouch! I mean do you think they would ask for the wizarding capital or Muggle capital. How about you Harry, what do you think they would ask? I can't be wrong!"

"Why don't you just write down both?" Harry said unsure and decided that it would be much easier to go back to dreaming about Ginny than figure out what was wrong with his two best mates.

Ron and Hermione managed to sneak away from Harry without being noticed on the account that Ginny was eating pudding in a very sexy way, according to Harry. Which is to say she was actually just shoveling it into her mouth in-between gulps of pumpkin juice while correcting her Potions essay. Yes Harry, her gorging was sexy indeed (please note sarcasms here).

----------

"Hermione, tomorrow morning, you are learning Quidditch," Ron said on their way to the common room.

"Then second period, you are learning how to answer questions in class," Hermione spat back.

"Speaking of that. You have got to stop raising your hand in class. Everyone is going to think I am a prick," Ron told her.

"You are acting like such a man," Hermione said annoyed.

"Has it ever accrued to you that I am one?" Ron smirked, "And by the way why are you reading _Le Ramon the Sea King_?It's one trash book, if I have ever read a trashy book."

Hermione's face turned red and she stuck up her nose and said, "Well I was under the impression that you couldn't read."

"And I was under the impression that you had a good choice in literature," Ron teased with dramatic hand motions, "But I guess I have to be wrong once in a very great while!"

There was a silence between the two and then out of the blue Hermione said, "I threw away all your dirty magazines."

"I'm gonna kill you," Ron screamed turning red and chasing her down the hall.

-----------

Hermione had managed to escape Ron by hiding in the moaning Murtle's bathroom. She leaned against the door, trying to catch her breath while listening all the time for signs of Ron's approach.

"Murtle darling…" came a moan from one of the stalls.

"OH! Moe-Joe you ba-" but Hermione didn't hear the rest because she would rather prefer taking her chances with Ron than having a pirate and a ghost finding out she had walked in on them.

---------

Ron gave up on finding Hermione because frankly his new legs where so short that it took twice as long to get anywhere. He decided instead to take a quick shower and finish his homework before going to bed.

-------

Harry left the dining hall and decided that it was definitely time for another shower so he went up to take it. He had taken off his clothes, but realized that he couldn't find the towels in the newly clean room. Hermione walked in a few seconds later and got a full view of Harry with nothing on but a pair of boxers.

"Harry put some clothes on!" Hermione howled, averting her eyes immediately.

"Sorry Ron. Have you seen the towels?" Harry said.

"They are in the bathroom for Merlin's sake," Hermione howled.

"Thanks," Harry said marching into the bathroom. Hermione decided that she was going to have to sit down with good old _El Ramon the Sea King Part XXVI: The Lust of Mistress Georgina_ to get that whole scaring incident out of her head. Sure Harry was a good-looking guy, but it was like walking in on a brother. El Ramon on the other hand was not.

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A/N- I have this new kitten that keeps attacking my butt… I think it is my Karma coming back at me for writing in Crookshanks attacking Ron's butt. Feel sorry for the poor boy it is painful! Another not so happy notes my beta (who also happens to be my sister) stepped on a toothpick on her birthday and we had to spend about 5 hours in the hospital. On a good note though I got my two English essay back and I got A's so I am gloating! But on to business.

I want to change my title and summery thingy to something new. Any ideas?

Also what do you think of Terry, I am very curious.

And lastly what do you think of _El Ramon the Sea King_?

**Read and Review or serious nonexistent punishments will accrue.**


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